Oct 03, 2013
13 years ago I was on top of the world. I was in Grad school, running a University program, raising my son. A car accident later, my life was forever changed. Multiple surgeries and procedures, various Doctors and specialists. every type of physical therapists and of course the Spine Specialist..lead to me where I am today.
About four years ago, I had found a doctor who changed my pain med from the quick release 'oxy' type to morphine. It was life changing. I finally had some quality of life back.
My back pain relief this Spring/beginning of Summer was amazing. I was nearly pain free. So I decide at that next Dr visit to discuss maybe tapering down. I expressed my fears of what would happen if I had increased pain and began to suffer...he kindly answered, "we'll try it, if it doesn't work we will put you back up to full dose again"
So 3-4 months ago I was able to lower my medicine by 20 mg every 12 hours..without a hitch! I felt empowered! I tried several times to get an appointment over the summer (intending to lower some more) but the doctor could not/would not return my messages. Finally, I was given a September 1st appt.
At this appt. my Dr. and I agreed to try lowering dosage by 10 mg every 12 hours. On this new dosage, most of August was hellish. I left messages to try and reach my Dr. (which all went unanswered). I was experiencing a lot of pain. I was not able to shop, cook, go to church (most days) due to the increase in pain. Almost no quality of life.
Two days ago I manage to drive to the Drs to pick up the prescription, only to discover he had lowered the dosage by ANOTHER 10 mg every 12 hours! I was panicked! How the heck can I lower the medicine further..when I am not functioning at this current dosage level. I was able to call and talk to his nurse. She was empathetic and promised he would call in the morning. He never did. That was all on Tuesday, today is Thursday. Still no call from the good doctor.
So, its now day one (first new dose of lower med) I feel anxious, mad, confused and all alone in this. Who can I tell this to? Who really gives a ****? Really.
I read all the "patient rights" I read their code of ethics....blah blah He can't even call me? Listen to me?
But the truth in the matter is this; if you are a chronic pain person, no one wants to treat you. I feel that i don't have the right toa sk for what I need, I am not valued, listened to. I just don't know how much suffering I can take in a lifetime?
My prognosis is that my spine is supposed to literally break into two parts. The top half is supposed to slide over and off the bottom...then I would have to have another huge surgery.
Sorry to all who chose to read this ranting. I hurt. It *****. I should have kept my mouth shut.