Apr 17, 2008
Don't let the title fool you.
Not a single day has ever been 'normal' in my life. XP
I've been exhausted all day, as usual, and barely able to concentrate at school, which sucked because I had a test in math.
What really bothers me is that at school I sometimes get picked on. I try not to let it get to me, but sometimes I get so mad I just want to kill the person annoying me.
Sometimes I even fantasize about killing people.. It scares me.. Every day I feel like I'm losing more and more control over my anger. The bloody fantasies get more gruesome and terrifyingly realistic. I'm afraid I might finally lose it soon. I'm worried about what I might do, and if I would unintentionally hurt one of my friends. Well, one friend in general - Savana. She's my best friend, as I've mentioned before. We can tell each other anything and everything. She has a stressful life, too, but I'm not going to say anything about it without her permission. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost her. She's the only thing that helps me keep a hold on my sanity. I've told her a bit about this, and she's worried. She always worries about me, telling me that I don't get enough sleep and such. I'm not disagreeing with her - I have trouble sleeping. In fact, last night, I went to sleep at 11:23 PM and woke up at 11:40 PM. I went back to sleep, and woke up at 1:46 AM. I finally went back to sleep AGAIN, then woke up at 2:59 AM. I just laid down in bed and waited to fall asleep again. At least that time I woke up around 6 AM - the time I have to wake up and get ready for school.
It's weird, because I haven't even been having any nightmares lately, which is strange for me.
Sometimes I talk in my sleep. My mom even told me she caught me using just about EVERY swear word in my sleep. Twice. Maybe three times. She said I was so lucky I was sleeping, or I'd be in a LOT of trouble. (XD)
She also told me that I roll around in my sleep a lot, and that once it looked like I was fighting someone. It's funny, because I was having a dream about Kingdom Hearts 1. (A cool video game.) I was dreaming about the fight between (Imposter) Ansem and Sora.