May 27, 2009
Today started late for me. I didn't wake up until 11:10AM! I never sleep that late. Then when I was cleaning and I have a beautiful night light in the bathroom well I went to wipe it of and broke it. I was a gift from my son Troy, so now I was upset. So like an idiot I went through our little place to clean it before my hubby got home. Why?? I don't know, it is what I use to do before Fibro, and every other illness I have. My hubby doesn't want me to do that, he doesn't care if the house is cleaned everyday. So when I finished and took a shower before Mike came home. Didn't quite get through and Mike said you know you have a 3:30pm with your Physciatrist, it was 3:00pm!! I have never showered, dried and dressed so fast ever:)
I was 5 minutes late. It was a wasted appt. today. I went in to review my medications & discuss a couple of things like why am I crying so often & depressed. He said I should read this book FEELING GOOD get back to him. He told me It would cure me! Then he tells me he is a child's physciatrist, how is that going to help me?? And the guy I was seeing that I thought was my Physiologist is a Social Worker. I came home with my hubby, mad as hell. I got on the phone with Membership services, told them my story and I wanted to change Physiciatrist and that I did not wan't a Social worker. I asked why they don't just do it with one person? I don't mean to offend any one in those lines of work. But I don't like not being told this from the beginning. My HMO sends their emotional patients to someone like a Social Worker 1st then to a Psychiatrist. NO SENSE:( I have a TBI and it takes me forever to read and comprehend what I just read. I cannot sit and read, after about 5 minutes and I forget what I read. So this book named FEELING GOOD might help many people, I have been like this for 40 yrs. after the car accident. I had a severe concussion & multiple skull fractures, in a coma for nearly 3 weeks. My Mom was told I was not expected to survive. Then I was told today that if I read this book it will cure me. He is out of his frigin mind. I am not buying the book he do what ever he wants to do with it. I just want an adult Psychiatrist & a Physicologist to see me. Is that so hard?? Am I being unreasonable?
When we came home I went to our room and put my purse away. Then I remembered what a good friend of mine said she does some time so I did it I slamed as door and screamed as loud as I could, I was just furious. I guess I scared hubby & 1 out of 2 cats to death.
I feel betrayed by our HMO. I don't know what I am going to do next--physiciatrist prescribes my depression meds.
I think I think I am going to email my IM DR. let him know my situation and call an see if can schedule an appt. with him to discuss all this and will he be able to prescribe me my phys. meds.
I am just empty inside. My hubby is afraid to leave me to go to work. He has a right to do that. I know I am not alone that I have my forum family. I really need you now. Because I am in a very dark place and I not sure I want out this time. I don't know where or what to do, I just want don't want to think anymore.
I have gotten more from all my forum family & friends. Thank you:)
Don't worry I am not going to hurt myself, I have enough Medical conditions that are already taking care of that for me.