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I just want to end it all

May 29, 2009 - 20 comments

I dont know what is going on at home but I feel like I have give all and now I am empty with no way of refuleing my self. I been thinking about ending it all at time and some times I feel like just runing away from my problem that I have at home and in other areas in my life. I need to get away from it all but no money or place to go. I just don't know what to do

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921200 tn?1243725164
by fiftyfifty43, May 29, 2009
Do you have a support person? Friend, counselor, pastor/priest? Right now think about going for a walk. I've been there ...just start with a walk/run if you can. I don't know if you believe but GOD but prayer helps me as well. Call SOMEONE plz

Avatar universal
by newuser82, May 29, 2009
oh jesus im sorry your going through some tough times in your life.Listen to fifty fifty jus go for walk clear our head before you do something drastic.Things are never as bad as they seem.Can you talk to someone you trust???Call someone

Avatar universal
by 10356, May 29, 2009
I'm also very sorry to read of your suffering.. Please take the above advice and go for a walk to help clear your thoughts.. my lil brother committed suicide.. He will never know what tomorrow may have bought him.. get help for your depression/problem.. Please talk about it.. the suffering of the people that love you when committing this act is excruciating and one that haunts us for the rest of our lives.. Please try to think of others also right now as we can get very stuck in our own heads..  If you still feel this way go to the er they also handle psychiatric emergency's where you can start to receive the help you may need.. sincerely and warmly lesa

574170 tn?1277941303
by cowboy20022002, May 29, 2009
I am not sure that would work I dont some one close to talk to the one that I do cant have the add stress be casue we dont want her to have another heartattack. So  It makes it hard right now

Avatar universal
by 122 Tactical Fighter Group, May 29, 2009
As many know - - that is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Take that walk....put some distance between you and the homefront for a few minutes. You can refuel yourself with proper nutrition and meds and support. It can be done. I did it.

Avatar universal
by 10356, May 29, 2009
I'm willing to talk.. and I'm very sorry to read someone you obviously love had a heart attack this can be very frightening and confusing... especially in the beginning..

502050 tn?1243602535
by malenurse57, May 29, 2009
Go to a church nearby and talk to the minister. If nothing else getting it out to someone in person will help. For me Prayer helps. There are many options for some help. Just stay in there fighting it will be worth it. God bless.

Avatar universal
by 10356, May 29, 2009
I also em capable of just listening...

547913 tn?1317355667
by jimi1822, May 29, 2009
                                                             Precious Lord, take my hand.
                                                             Lead me on. Let me stand.
                                                             I am tired. I am weak. I am worn.
                                                             Through the storm,
                                                             Through the night,
                                                             Lead me on to the light....
                                                             Take my hand precious Lord,
                                                             And Help give me strength and courage
                                                             To Carry On....

                                                                                                      ~ Thomas A. Dorsev, poet

                                                                                                        My dear friend I will light a candle of special
                                                                                                        intent and say a heart felt Prayer for you at
                                                                                                        Church today.  

                                                                            much Love, much Light...your friend and brother always....

                                                                                                                                   jimi(little wing)

574170 tn?1277941303
by cowboy20022002, May 29, 2009
thanks jimmi

Avatar universal
by 10356, May 29, 2009
I have just read part of your profile and see you have Cherokee in you.. I welcome you Brother and I will leave this with you as it has helped me through many trials... letakos

(Letakos-Lesa) Pawnee,  but I'm Paiute

A Native American Prayer. O' Great Spirit Whose voice I hear in the winds And whose breath gives life To all the world Hear me! I am small and weak, I need your strength and wisdom, Let me walk in beauty And make my eyes ever behold The red and purple sunset. Make my hands respect The things you have made And my ears sharp To hear your voice Make me wise So I may see ever so clearly The ways you have to teach me Let me learn The lessons you have hidden in every leaf and cloud I seek your strength, Not to be greater then my brother, but to fight my greatest enemy... Myself Make me always ready to come to you With clean hands And straight eyes So when life fades, as the fading sunset, My spirit may come to you Without shame.


Avatar universal
by outotown, May 29, 2009
I have tried what you are thinking about, THANK GOD I FAILED, looking back, it was very selfish of me. You say you cant talk to the you want to cuz fear of causing another heart attack. What do think harming yourself would do to them. Its hard to face things in life I knwo, I lost my job, my house my self, was not able to work due to an injury. I was also badley addictted to my pain meds. There was no way out as far as I could see. I lost my house to taxes, God is always on your side A FREIND bought my house and gave it back to me. I survived a suicide attemtp it is not worth trying. The thought of killing myself was the only thing I thought about. I could not get it out of my mind it consummed me. PLEASE PLEASE, call an Er at a hospital and tell them what you are thinking, I woke up in rehab. dont wait that long. Call and call now Please, they will not send someone to your house to get you they will help you, if I had done that I would have gotten the help, without causing the hurt to my family. AND what if I was successful, look what I would have done to my loved ones. Please make that call IM PRAYING FOR YOU

547368 tn?1440541785
by Tuckamore, May 29, 2009
I hear your pain and desperation. I have been where you are too. Outotown said it well. Call the ER or a suicide hot line. My grandfather hung himself when I was five. I was the only grandchild and he was my best friend. He was my hero, the love of a little girls life. He would have never hurt me yet it was I that walked into the semi-dark garage and ran into his body hanging from a rafter on the day after Christmas!!! He left a little girl wondering what she did that grandpa didn't love her anymore. And he left children and a wife wondering what they had done wrong. PLEASE don't even consider this. Call someone NOW.    

For what it's worth I have taken exerts from
"Regina Brett's, 45 Things that Life has Taught Me" because I find them inspirational.

When in doubt, just take the next small step.

Always choose life.

Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

Everything can change in the blink of an eye.  But don't worry;  God never blinks

Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

Get outside every day.  Miracles are waiting everywhere

Don't audit life.  Show up and make the most of it now.

Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

Cowboy, Isn't it obvious that we care and God loves you. Make that call NOW.

(((HUGS))) Tuck



458072 tn?1291415186
by peggy64, May 29, 2009
outotown makes a great point, you feel like you can't talk to that person, because you would cause them a heart attack, yet you would kill yourself. I'm sorry, but that makes no sense at all.  Which of those 2 would be the most painful for that person?

When we get that desperate, our thinking gets muddled, and disproportionate.

Have you had your thyroid checked? I say that, because thyroid disease can cause a whole lot of psychiatric symptoms, while the root cause is never treated.

  

547913 tn?1317355667
by jimi1822, May 29, 2009
Any Time Cowboy =0) Please listen to outoftown for he has walked the walk and knows by his life experience. We are all Praying for You Chin Up and walk tall for you are a child of GOD no more or no less than anyone else and GOD Cares more than you will ever know just look ay the support you getting =0)

                                            

Avatar universal
by boldsojah4christ, May 29, 2009
Amen God knows ur heart! And he also hears ur cry! God said in his own word if he takes care of the lil sparrows in the morning & PROVIDE 4 THEM! He will also provide 4us which are more important than the sparrows!!! God bless you are in my prayers!!! shannon:

921366 tn?1243622118
by Jillijobob, May 29, 2009
My dear Cowboy,

I lost my best friend to suicide in October.  I did everything I could to help her, be there for her and listen. But in the end, she made a decision to leave this life because she could not tolerate her pain. Behind her, she left a wake of people who would have done anything to help her.  She would be surprised at the outpouring of love and dispair her suicide evoked in so many pepole. Had she just tried one more time to reach out, she may have made a very different decision.

I've learned a lot since her death and realize that her choice is the equivalent of homicide - she murdered my best friend.  For that, I am extremely sad and angry. It doesn't sound to me that you would want to do that to the people in your life. You mention fear of causing a heart attack by talking about how you feel. If anything would cause a heart attack, the suicide has a greater chance of it. You obviously care - you also obviously don't want to hurt anyone. Remember that.

Since you don't feel as if you can talk to anyone, I recommend calling a suicide hotline. It's anonymous, free and they are very skilled at just listening to your pain. In addition, they know how to put life back into perspective for those contemplating ending it.  I am so sorry you are in so much pain, and feel so alone. There are a lot of people here who are letting you know that you're not alone. Like them, I will listen and be there for you as someone who cares, who understands, and who would be sad not to have you here on this planet.

Please take care of your heart and your soul.  Try to breathe through today - tomorrow will look different, I promise. Make a decision not to die today - since today is all we have anyway.

921366 tn?1243622118
by Jillijobob, May 29, 2009
One more thing.  Here is a number to call (877) 7-CRISIS.  They are available 24/7 and all counselors are trained in suicide prevention.  Visit the website if calling is too scary www.didihirsch.org.

Hang on Cowboy...it will all work out.

458072 tn?1291415186
by peggy64, May 29, 2009
Let us know how you are doing, Okay? We are pulling for you!!

574170 tn?1277941303
by cowboy20022002, Jun 01, 2009
I am not doing so well peggy still having some hard times. Still feel like end it all

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