I didn't sleep well because I was anticipating my new job orientation today....nervous about starting a job so soon after quitting. But I'm hoping it will actually help my recovery because I won't just be sitting around the house all day.
While there we were walking around being shown the place (its just a movie theatre job- anything I can get basically) my hip was hurting really bad- what spurred my addiction reoccurence in the first place. I took an Ibuprofen 600, then a bit later two Excedrins- then we got to sit for an hour and the pain slowly subsided. I was so grateful because that pain is such a trigger for me.
Then we were in the office filling out the paperwork, and there was a hole punch piece on the floor, standing in stark contrast to the dark carpet. My immediate reaction was, "that's a tramadol pick it up" then my rational brain kicked in half a second later and realized it was just a little circle of paper....
I could not BELIEVE how Pavlovian it was- such a conditioned response: round and white equals happy pills.
But I need to tell myself they're NOT happy pills- they're POISON. They are destroying my life- my chance for a life. My freedom. My family. My self-respect. There must not be ANY reason for which I go back to those pills.
Got in contact with a thrice-referred lawyer regarding a class action suit against the makers of the Trauma-dol - in which they deliberately marketed it as nonaddictive, knowing full well it activated the receptors of the morphine type. Not to mention the seizures it causes- I've had at least one that I know of (well, not that I know of, but that my husband and friends know of because I have complete amnesia of the event, just recall the sore tongue and the vomiting afterwards)....but long story short there's not really anyone looking to sue the manufacturers just yet. If they get enough phone calls though we can encourage them to look into it. Not for the money reward, but to help save future victims. The firm I was referred to's number is 1-800-561-5500. I think the name was Marsy Vitotoe, in California, if anyone feels so inclined to call and make a statement regarding it....not that anyone reads my journal anyways.
Well I'm gonna read "the Alcoholism and Addiction Cure" from Chris Prentiss and see if it has any insight to help me stay strong. I'll take any help I can get!!!!
I gotta stay strong. I CAN do this. I KNOW I CAN.