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Repeat SA, not good!

Nov 11, 2013 - 29 comments

Ladies I don't know what to do or think.  I finally got the call back about Brian's repeat SA and I broke down on the phone talking to the nurse.  Brian has ZERO sperm.  I can't stop crying. I feel so bad.  I put him through this for 6 months for nothing.  He has had nothing but stomach problems from being on it from the beginning.  Heartburn, indigestion, constipation, bruising for a short time..all for NOTHING!!  I'm so angry, hurt.. omg I don't know anymore.  WHY, HOW...  and not to mention I can't stand that urologists.  We got the sample down there within 15 min of collection..I kept it up against me, warm like they said.. then they had a new person at the lab and the main lady was helping her.  I asked " shouldn't that be kept warm" while she was helping the "new girl"..she said "oh it's okay we do it STAT here" and now this.   I just want to throw up.  Also he had less than 2 mill BEFORE clomid and now zero..I just don't understand.

This IS never ending. :(
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by butterflybabies, Nov 11, 2013
I'm so sorry Hun. I don't know much about how it works but I've heard of a procedure where they can go into the testicles and aspirate sperm. Not sure if that would apply to him. Infertility *****. And maybe once this shock wears off maybe you guys can discuss donor sperm? I know that's not an easy decision but DNA doesn't make a parent. It's the love you give to a child that makes you their parent. Just something to think about. Sending you big hugs!

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by renae176, Nov 11, 2013
I am so sorry, I do understand cause when derek and i started trying derek didnt even have dead ones, he had NOTHING, they found out he had to much testosterone and it was killing his sperm, IT took over a year but he got it back slowly, really slow, Des has he had bw done, prob im asssuming he has, but just wanted to make sure, We havent talked but i guess u can tell from my status that im on the dumps also, Remember the message i wrote you, I dont know if your Dh would be ok with it but u can use donor sperm for like $200, I know thats what it is at my clinic anyway, Its just a shot off hope for you, If u need anyone im here as always,

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by renae176, Nov 11, 2013
butterflybabies is right, its not the DNA its the LOVE

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by retta483, Nov 11, 2013
oh Des Im so sorry :(  I know it ***** but it is better to know than to not know . praying for you xoxo

Avatar universal
by Ellen038, Nov 11, 2013
Des. I am so sorry. Can they do another SA to double check the results? He had them before which means there is a good chance he can produce them again off the clomid. What do they suggest you guys do or try next? I am so sorry your going thru this. Hugs

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by KTowne, Nov 11, 2013
I'm so sorry Desarae!! I'm praying for you and DH, miracles happen ALL the time, don't give up hope!!

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by ConnieG, Nov 11, 2013
Oh man. I'm so sorry desarae!
That really *****. It feels like getting the wind knocked right out of you. I am sorry for you guys loss.
I hope and pray it gets better and you guys can conceive!  And I know you guys will find an answer that works for you if it doesn't. Just remember. It's okay to grieve this loss as it is for any other! You're in my heart and prayers!

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by Sherri90049, Nov 11, 2013
I'm so sorry, Des. Personally I am no fan of drugs as I think everyone on here knows. Did you try the Fertil-Aid for Men? Maybe you guys could move ahead with the donor sperm and he could start on the FA now, then after you have #1, he might be ready by then for #2. Hang in there! I do agree that DNA doesn't make you a parent. Love does!

There are some drugs that can help certain conditions sometimes, but in this case, it seems that the drug may have even worsened the situation. If he hasn't already, he should seriously consider the dietary changes I talk about frequently on here like gluten-free, dairy free (except butter and eggs), soy free, refined sugar free. Personally I have gone 100% Paleo, meaning I only eat meat, fish, veggies, fruit, nuts and seeds. I thought I would be hungry on this diet but I'm not. And my digestion has slowly started to improve.

It will all work out but I know the feeling of being really tired of waiting. It might be worth considering donor embryos.  It's MUCH cheaper than a whole IVF cycle with donor sperm. No sure how you would feel about that but just wanted to throw it out there. We're all thinking of you and praying for you!

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by krichar, Nov 11, 2013
I'm so sorry Des... My heart hurts for you guys, your such an amazing couple an deserve this more then anyone I know :) butterfly is right... It's not DNA, it's the love :) maybe something to talk about... If he's open to it, I know lots of guys are weirded out and I understand that.

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by renae176, Nov 11, 2013
I think we all deserve this equally , But anyway, I hope things get better for you Des Will be thinking of you

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by Sheaby, Nov 11, 2013
Oh Des, I am so sorry.  I agree with the other ladies about not giving up and seeing what other avenues you can explore.  We all know how hard this is, regardless of the situation or what is causing IF.  I know you are heartbroken right now, but please don't let this get you down for long!  We are all here for you!  xoxo

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by mhv, Nov 11, 2013
Oh Des, I don't even know what to type.  I agree with krichar, you deserve a miracle so much.  But, I will tell you this, you are on your way to doing ivf with icsi.  I have a friend who's husband had 0 sperm too. (they called her while she was at the airport...same breakdown. For her :(. ).   Anyway, they aspirated his sperm, and now, they have 3 children...  I know this is hard, but it just means you take the next step.  Do you hear me?!?!  You are well on your way to collecting the funds.  I know it's hard to hear the actual words, but Des, I think you were anticipating having to go this route.  My heart is with you my friend!  Message me if you need to, ok???  
I am sending you,the hugest (((((((hugs))))))) ever!!!!
Come on fund raisers!!! :).
You have a heart of gold my friend....and you will not go un rewarded for it!!  
Luvs you!

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by pb95, Nov 11, 2013
I'm so sorry to hear this news.  I hope they move on quickly to your next steps.  Their insensitivity at the clinic is so annoying.  I kept repeating to myself today "this can be easy" over and over again throughout the day trying to believe it.  This is still one step closer to solving your problem.  It may seem like a roadblock, but once you move around it you will be on your way again.  I know nothing probably can make you feel better but know we all love you here.

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by Shannon79, Nov 11, 2013
If I were in the same boat as you des, I would be very inspired by the story mhv told. There are still avenues and options for you to explore. Please don't count yourself out.

You will get a bfp! Please think positive

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by plumber43, Nov 12, 2013
Dear Des,
   My DH had zero morphology and we were told they all had mishapened heads, I was devastated BUT they said since we're doing ivf with icsi, they would find the best one and now we have Ella and # 2,! Don't give up until they tell you 100% that there's nothing your DH can do! If he had some before, I'm sure he can have some again! Don't lose hope sweetie! WHAT DOESN'T KILL US, MAKES US STRONGER!!!

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by Risa615, Nov 12, 2013
Thinking of you Des.  It reminds me when I was told my FSH was insane after trying a protocol that was supposed to lower it.  I just cried in shock, but picked myself up and meet all of you on this site!  Please keep the faith, I know it is hard, but I just know your journey is not over.  

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by Yrmacias, Nov 12, 2013
Des, I'm sorry you got such devastating news. Thinking n praying that you find your way to a better answer.

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by Des_a_rae, Nov 12, 2013
I can't thank you all enough..your support and friendships means the world to me.  I'm sorry I didn't reply yesterday, I just didn't feel like being on here.  

I was totally devastated. I thought if anything, it should be around the same.  So here's what I got to thinking.   DH had this bright idea that we'd keep them "warm".  I shouldn't known better, but in my head I wasn't thinking.  It's so stressful just acquiring the sample UGH that when it was over all I could think about was rushing out the door, getting this to their lab in 30 min and being proud we made it in 15.  Thinking SURELY with a different lab and being here sooner we should get good news.  Anyways, I think DH instead of keeping them "warm" I think he made them hot :S.  SO I mention this to the nurse (again, who I don't like) when I call back and request a repeat SA and she says " if they were dead, we still would be able to see them".   So more heartbreaking.  We're doing the repeat SA regardless next week.  This week AF is here and killing me as always, DH is busy with work and it'll be easier to do next week.   I told DH to stop taking the Clomid.  I'm tired of seeing him hurting from it..nauseous, heartburn, indigestion (and this is constantly) plus I mean either it didn't help OR it caused NO what's the point.  The stupid urologists wanted to UP his dosage and I'm really confused by this since he had sperm BEFORE clomid and NONE after.  

I completely agree that DNA does not make a parent.  I am definitely open to donor sperm.  I haven't talked this far into the process with Brian yet but I will...possibly this weekend just to see where he stands.  We're totally open to IVF with ICSI and I'm not going to stop trying to raise the funds for that.  Instead of buying clomid every month that's money I'll be adding to the IVF fund.  And I also thought the same thing, He had sperm before clomid, surely he can have them after coming off of it.  

Lily- I agree, DNA does not make a parent. I'm going to talk to DH about donor sperm.  Just to see where he stands on it.  Thank you!

Renae- Thank you, I wrote the fertility clinic just to see if they 'd give me an estimate on IUI and IVF with donor sperm.  Hoping to hear back soon.

Retta- Thank you so much!

Ellen- I'm hoping we get better results next week and I agree there were some before, praying we get those back at least. Thank you!!

KTowne- Thank you!  Yes miracles happen all the time.  I've witnessed many of those here. :)

Connie- Thank you!  It really was.  I felt like I couldn't breathe.  All I did was cry, couldn't even respond to her on the phone.  It's just an awful feeling.

Sherri-  Thank you so much!  Yes well we tried Fertilaid for about a month and the URO took him off and put him on Clomid.  I think we're going to "rest" through the holidays.  No meds or appointments or worries for that matter.  Our love has always been so strong but we've lost our "spark" during these past 6 months of clomid. He opened up and told me last night that he feels like a "machine" just going through the motions.  I don't want him feeling like that :(  I want my intimate partner back...   We will be discussing other options though.

Krichar- Thank you so much also!   He may be, he may not be. I do want to know how he feels about the whole thing though.  He's mentioned a lot of times that he just wants me happy, but I want to know how HE truly feels about the whole situation.  

Sheaby- Thank you too!!  It was a really rough day yesterday and after thinking about everything this is where I am... Still not understanding but still trying to remain positive and hopeful.  I don't know how I'll feel though once we repeat the SA and get the same results.  I just hope not. :(

Mhv-  I can't thank you enough.  I've read about aspirating and it doesn't sound that difficult.  Who knows!  I hope to know more once I know for sure what he's willing and wanting to do.  Still chugging along with the IVF/IVSI though. As crazy as it sounds, I'm praying even more (if that's possible) that we get there.  Love you also girl!

PB- Thank you!  I know, that just makes things much worse, their nasty attitudes.  I love you ladies also.  I really do!  Can't say where I'd be if I didn't have such wonderful friends here that understand.

Shannon- Thank you!  Yes, she's very encouraging and inspiring. :)  Plenty of open doors to walk through, we just got to see which one is the best for us.

Plumber-  Thank you so much!  I'm so thankful you have your Ella and baby #2 along the way. :)   A lot of ladies here have given me hope with their stories.  That's all I try to think about.

Risa- Thank you!  You're right, we just pick ourselves up and keep on trying.

Yrmacias-  Thank you!  I'm so thankful for every thought and every prayer. :)

The fertility clinic emailed me back and this is what they said.


  The cost of an IUI with donor sperm is $275.00 per IUI if you purchase “prepped” samples or $375.00 if you purchase “non-prepped” samples. The costs of donor semen samples can range between $400.00 to $1800.00 depending on the samples you choose. Your insurance will cover your office visits, bloodwork and ultrasounds leading up to the procedure. You will be responsible for your office visit copays and your 20% coinsurance.

  Please let me know if you have other questions or I can be of further assistance.


  Penny Monella

Financial Manager

Honea, Houserman, Long & Allemand, P.C.

Suite 508

2006 Brookwood Medical Center Drive

Birmingham, Alabama 35209

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by Shannon79, Nov 12, 2013
Well the cost isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Yes it's still a lot if you don't have it.

But it's still possible through doing your online donation you're doing.

I definitely think it's worth a try myself. But your dh has to be on board too. I know it may not be the avenue you wanted, but it may be the best option for you. Unless you've considered adoption as an avenue to explore.

You will become a mom one way or another. Just keep the faith and know that god has plans for you. We just don't always know what they are

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by Des_a_rae, Nov 12, 2013
Thanks so much Shannon, yes definitely seeing if this is an option.  Especially after the next repeat SA.   I do want his honest opinion..I don't want him being okay with it "just to make me happy".  Even though I think that's so selfless and loving of him, I want to know that he's truly okay with it.   :)

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by mhv, Nov 12, 2013
Des,   I can tell you one thing...your husband wants a baby as much as you do, or he wouldn't be going through all this stuff trying to get one. The clomid, the garage sale, the raffle...  I always thought my hubby wouldn't be open to "other options" either.  We had already used donor eggs, and failed.  But, he was right there every step of the way.  Then, I never thought he would look into other avenues....but guess what!?!?  He wanted a child as much as I did!!! He had to think for a small amount of time on the donor embryos, but Des, I can tell you this.  He looks at these two kids as his own.  In his eyes and heart, these are his kids 100%.  I know it's hard to start the conversations, but once you do, it will bring you closer together.  Trust me...just start by asking him what he would be open to in order to get a child...then tell him what your open to.  It may be things he has never thought of.  

You could get the cost of ivf w/ that with the cost of IUI w/donor sperm... Odviously you would have $$ for more tries w/the IUI... Maybe, he would rather use your donation $$ for that, or he may say, I would rather keep raising $$ and do ivf w/ never know until you ask :).

Do you know what I said to Todd that I really think hit home?  I told him to look at how much we love our animals, we didn't give birth to them, and we love them so much.  We cry like babies when we have to put them down, and they are animals! What would make you think you couldn't love a child that isn't genetically yours as much?  ...
...You can feel free to use that too if you like :0).

I totally understand what infertility can do to a relationship.  I often to this day fear Todd and I will never totally recover after 10 yrs of struggle, we still love each other so much, it just changes you.  As always, I am here for you, my friend!!!

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by Moma_Cher, Nov 12, 2013
This is not what I was expecting to read... I'm so sorry Des.

This has been a heartbreaking road for you and hubby to have travelled down... Thus far. I have no words of wisdom or advise other than to say keep going. You are very close to holding your baby even though it may not feel like it at the moment. I couldn't agree more that you are one of the most loving and deserving persons on MH.

The only question I have (forgive me if you've answered this before) is there another clinic/urologist you can try? Also, could you use another agency and order DS and have it shipped to your clinic? The prices sound really good for IUI until they get to the cost for DS. I thought it was usually closer to 200?

Sending you the warmest wishes and hope you know how much you are thought of Deserae.

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by Moma_Cher, Nov 12, 2013
*Desarae* dumb iPad

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by Des_a_rae, Nov 12, 2013
Thanks Cher!   It's been a doosie that's for sure.  Thank you so much for your kind words.  I've been surrounded by such wonderful ladies and I just feel so blessed.  

After Christmas, sometime in the new year I'm going to see about getting him to my urologists OR just waiting in general and get to the fertility clinic.   I'm not for sure on pricing, that's just the quote they sent me in email.  What I'm wondering is what's the difference in prepped and non prepped?   Why is non prepped more?  You'd think the already prepped would be more.   I'm sure I'll have WAY more questions once we decide on what we want to do.  Thanks so much again Cher!  

Avatar universal
by Ellen038, Nov 12, 2013
The specimens are washed (prepared) when they do IVF they will wash a sample themselves at your clinic (make sure) therefore you can go with the less expensive specimen. I have never heard of it being so cheap. Did they say what bank they use? I would look on the cryobanks website to verify pricing. Also their are other options involved like doing a donor match and how much info you want on the donor. California Cryobank has a bunch of info on their website. You can subscribe for a set time and a set price to choose a donor. I will say that DH may want and need time to process this info from yesterday and may not be to receptive to the idea right away. In a sense he's got to go thru the grieving process if this is in fact a permanent problem for him. After being off the clomid he may have some swimmers back and I'm sure you both would rather go with his instead of a donor right? If it were me I would wait to see what happens with the repeat and with it being repeated in the new year before mentioning the donor idea. I would also let the idea of donor come up from the doctor. DH May or may not feel like his ego has been bruised and hurt if it comes up without seeing this thru and it may go over better if it were the doctors idea. It's a really delicate position to be in. Lots of emotions are brought up over this topic. Just trying to think of it from both points of views. I know this is something you both want and you will both figure out what works best for you. I still have a good feeling that his fertility can be restored once he's off the clomid for a while. I'm not a doctor but that seems to be what caused the azoospermia and since he's off it now I would think would restore his fertility. In the meantime I don't think there would be anything wrong if you looked into the donor. I just wouldn't mention it right now unless he brought it up.

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by Heather3418, Nov 13, 2013

My heart is aching for you and your DH.  I really believe for a man, that infertility on his end is even tougher for him to digest, than it is for women.  I totally agree with all the ladies that think the Clomid is to blame.  I feel that his body will return to normal after the drug is completely out of his system.  Like the other ladies said, he had sperm before Clomid and firmly believe his particular sperm level will return.  Please keep the faith.

I think you all taking a break over the holidays is the best idea.  Brilliant of you to allow things to "settle down."  Take the "mechanic's" out of lovemaking and return it to what it was for your husband before.  Intimacy created BECAUSE of your strong love.

I am going to keep you in my prayers, Des.  I have an extremely good "feeling" that this is going to work out for you both.  This "vacation" from the stress and pressure is the perfect solution.  I feel it in my heart.

You are such a lucky woman, Des, for all the love you have received from the "angel women of MedHelp."  I've never known such women, as the strength and power of women I've learned about, with fertility issues, here on MedHelp.  Angels with Invisible Wings.  With all the people and prayers you have on your side, I firmly believe that your dream IS going to come true.

God Bless you both.  Regain that intimacy in lovemaking that you had before.  All the rest is going to work out for the best, because I so believe in prayer and faith.  Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas to you and your family.  The New Year is going to bring great and miraculous things for you and your husband.  I believe that with every fiber of my being, sweetheart.

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by Des_a_rae, Nov 13, 2013
Heather, thank you so much!  I'm very blessed to have such wonderful friends on here and even more so that they truly understand how heartbreaking and emotional this ordeal is.  I honestly (as I mentioned earlier) do not know where I'd be while dealing with all of this and especially after receiving such news as we did the other day. They are so supportive and encouraging.  When I was so down the other day and unable to think, they were thinking for me.  I didn't even think to ask for a repeat and thank god it was mentioned.  I have my very own personal cheer leaders here and I'm so thankful.

I do agree about it being even tougher on him.  I've prayed so much that it was myself..I've dealt with god awful period pain all my life and now diagnosed with a bladder disease that's played a part in that pain for years that I can do this also.  I have yet to be able to sit down with him and talk about our last results.  We didn't get them until Monday after waiting all weekend so he's back and work and we barely have time for anything, much less discussing something of such importance.  

I do believe the clomid played a part also.  He said that it boosts their testosterone and that in turn ups the sperm.  I read where to much testosterone can destroy a mans sperm.  I also read that it can take years for his body to become "normal" again as far as producing hormones.  I pray that's not the case, but I do pray even more so that we see even a slight difference from his repeat SA next week.

Thank you!  I think it's a great idea also.  I just want to "just be" with him.  He is the love of my life.  He came in to my life at a time when I needed him most and I know god saved him for me.

Thank you so much again Heather.  Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas to you and your family as well. :)   I'm praying with every bit that I am that a blessing comes our way sometime in the New Year. :)

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by journey2motherhood, Nov 14, 2013
I'm so sorry I missed this!  This is heartbreaking to hear but please hang in there.  I think the rest or break is a good idea.  But I have to say what a wonderful husband you have and I love how you spoke of him, so you are pretty special yourself.  Please know I'm here for you.  xoxo

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by Ecologic, Nov 14, 2013
I saw your post. Very sorry that your hubby has this problem. I wanted to let you know that the day we conceived my husband had been jogging several miles, I am sure it helped (after several miscarriages). Is your hubby a jogger? Can he become one?

Another thing: a single friend of mine investigated to use sperm donor several years ago. You can buy sperm on your own without having to go through a clinic and inseminate yourself at home, it's less expensive. You buy the sperm from special clinics, very safe and tested and anonymous. In the end my friend dropped the idea.

Good luck!

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