Nov 19, 2013
I think she is just sleeping.
I decided to record some of the things I do, by record I mean write them in a little book, and maybe uncover some of the habits which I am not happy with. no, I am not talking about that!!! gah medhelp! do you always have to come back to that? I am happy with that. well, I mean, I am happy with -- omg, nevermind.
my sinuses continue to get worse, but its ok. no biggie. it's like ... I hear this weird whistling sound when I breathe. im not sure where its coming from I think my chest or idk im not sure. just call me Ms. Mucous. as long as you don't say M'am! lol
while im on the subject, did you notice that when some little snot (usually a boy) m'ams you, they just fall all over themselves to mam you again? ya!!! like "here's your soda, m'am. ... anything else mam? have a nice night mam. goodbye mam!'
ugh. now I don't get as mad tho bc I know it is all about them. their karma is going to be seriously screwed for like, ever. the more mams, the worse the karma. like, they will be balding by age 25 or something. I don't feel bad for them. its their own dam ... I mean mam ... fault!
today was long .... I slept about 90 minutes, way towards the alarm, had to hit the snooze a thousand x, and when I wake up with hardly no sleep like that, gah daim! my heart is beating a millin miles a hour when I lie there contemplating my day ... oooh law
but I did it. I still don't have the Saudi kid, he has not shown up since the placement, which is bugging the hell out of Chula. not sure why. she axed me a ton of questions about him, I am like dog IDK reed my lips. naw man I love her but some things abt teaching she is just really very over ... I don't get it.
But it turns out Sidra might get her visa extended that would be coolio. and she's nice to have in class. so today was my short day its almost easy, except im a addict and totally neurotic and riven with low self esteem, so I doubt myself every second and I am a mess total turmoil inside. yes, just give me a chill kickback job and I will work myself into a frenzy over it. its one of my unique talents. then I convince myself I need drugs to make me feel better. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! jk sike I am doing good with my recovery. been going to meetings and writing and reading even done a little arithmetic. sike. but ya I feel ok my atti is good and im workin hard. I call women alls the time and text some regular like and been checkin in with sponsor.
Susan suggested that I call my sponsor, Kara, one day and share some of my issues with her, or just one, so I can start building a relationship with her. now aint THAT a good idea? Ya! I said I would think about it. I am still thinking.
I shore wish that little girl would wake up.
or maybe its just better. to rest. ya
the ac text me, I aint answer. decide to try and ignore him again. he is the Enemy. and I have to fight him.
well, let me rephrase that, I have to fight the urge to be in contact with him.
when I got home I worked out, this dvd by prevention, its cool, kind of short. I did my weights. and I danced a little to um ... lauryn hll with wyclef .... the killing me cover ... softly
I know huh such a sentimental song but not really the way lauryn doll does it and wyclef he like raps it up
I wrote for a hour, I did new project and it went real well, it was based on her but had a lot of split topics but they all came back to that thread but they had titles in it I wont tell u more cuz ill jinx it
do u remember in that movie meet the parents the cat jinxy could flush the toilet ya that was funi huh
and I still think that stat thing is freakin funny I was laughing hysterically again about it in the car. really it is not that funi and that's how I am with humor if its not that funi I will laugh at it over and over ... mam
then I call my debt company say 'do I has to do somethin else' it was this obnoxious smarmy guy and he checked all my records (medhelp! not like that!) and go 'nope! your done.' yay!
went to meeting, it was boring. I saw Carey he was real nice and I thought he called me (no, not that) 'cream puff.' but he did not he had -brought- cream puffs as a snack and told me to have one. I still think he's gay. after the meeting he was chatting up Gepetto who I swear medhelp is like 19 and Carey is like 39. that never stopped u, Meegy! hmmm oh yeah
and check this out I heard Gepetto telling Carey that he was married!!! YES!!!! Carey guffawed too he was like 'did I hear you say your wife?" and it turns out those two children got married! OMG!!!!! HUGE mistake!!!! HUGE!!!!!
and that's it. its been a pretty boring day. all the leaves are brown. and the sky is gray.
it was a cool day though. literally, and figuratively. I tried to enjoy everything even MORE for her. because I like nature as it is. in the evening, the clouds were dark and the palm fronds blew and flew noisily ... the air was wet .. it was beautiful. and I tried to smile in the face of everything. because it's a gift you know, to be here. and just, don't give up on getting what you want. fight for it. fly in the face of your enemies.
and think of her from time to time.