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my 9 year olds mom and dad are getting devorced OMG

Jun 10, 2009 - 29 comments
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costody

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daughter

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children



well my 9 year old bridget lives with her dad and step mom (but i just call her her mom)she called me tonight asking for help cuz hes cheating and she wants a devorce i told her a long time ago that i would never take bridget away from her but her husband is saying she will never see bridget again so now i might have to fight for custody of her so her mom can have her back,i still have rights to her and he is a bad guy but he works away from home so he never really sees her but 6 times a year i did not really have a problem with her being there but if she is taken away from her mom and raised buy her dad that would be a real problem so now i have to step in and make shure she is raised in a loving home buy her mom yes i love my daughter but she is the only child there and she is so loved and taken varry good care of buy her mom and that is all i could ask for. ugh im to tired  im going to bed

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784382 tn?1376931040
by turkee23, Jun 11, 2009
arent you her mother?.... how come your daughter isnt with you?......espically if her father isnt there or a bad guy??

768015 tn?1333652075
by Nini2686, Jun 11, 2009
I have to be honest. I am confused by this. Who is this child's real mom? you or the other lady? Also if the father is a "bad guy" why would you let your child live with him?

Avatar universal
by 10356, Jun 11, 2009
I understand what you are syaing.. and I'm very sorry for all involved.. No matter what others think and say.. stick to what is working for you your daughter and her mom.. I wish you well and they both sound as if they are worth the battle ahead.. I wish you well.. It is always worth the Battle when those we love are the beneficiaries.. Be kind to yourself.. lesa

Avatar universal
by 10356, Jun 11, 2009
sorry for the double sentences :) a lil early still...

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jun 11, 2009
She is the child's "biological" mother and her child is living with the "biological" father and the step mom, although the step mom is considered the "mom" to this child since she's raising her.  I think that's about right, if I'm wrong please correct me.

You will need to get yourself a good lawyer, that's all I can say.  Since you gave up physical custody to Bridget's dad, he is the primary caregiver and has all legal rights here.  You're saying you have rights but what are they?  You need to establish what your rights are.  If you have visitation or if you have joint legal custody but he has primary physical custody.  This needs to be clear.  If you have only visitation, it's going to be really hard to fight this one, since you have to prove why he is unfit to care for his daughter when he's been doing it for, however long.  The step mother is not going to be even considered in the eyes of the court.  It would only make a difference if you gave your daughter up, and allowed the step mother to adopt her.  That has to be agreed upon by both you and the child's father.  Unfortunately, this never happened and will now never happen if she's looking to divorce him.  If you are fit to care for your child now, then you have to prove that to the courts and petition to have legal and physical custody of your daughter.  This is going to be a difficult battle so be prepared.  I wish you the best and hope I've helped give you some information.

916412 tn?1361201386
by scorpiogirl32, Jun 11, 2009
thank you mami123 yes you are right i went thrue a hard time 7 years ago  and had to sign my rights away but i have been better now have 3 more children and one on the way living in a stable home i do still have joint leagal coustody and visits ive already had to take bridgets dad to court for not letting me see my daughter the courts were mad said he should be held in contempt lol well anyway same thing now he rejects the visits not following the order so i think i got a good case he dont take care of bridget he works out of town and sees her 6 times a year her step mom raises her, her step mom lost her arm cuz bridgets dad was mad and fliped the car with my child in it my child was ok i did not find out tell 3 months after that happend, but the courts thought at the time he was better then me.can not wait to prove the courts wrong

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jun 11, 2009
Oye, that is so much.....I'm so sorry, this is rough.  Well it does sound like you have a good case.  Once you established that you are more than capable of taking care of your daughter you can try to win back custody.  Especially if the step mom can testify on your behalf.  She will be the best person to help you win back your daughter.  She can give her opinion on how she feels the father is with the children and whether she thinks he's capable of caring for her on his own.  Of course they are going to speculate that she's bitter from the cheating but if she can prove that he's traveling most of the time and she's raising her, then there is a good chance they will see that he isn't around to care for her.  Your stability currently gives you a good chance of winning back physical custody.  Since he's already angered the courts by interfering with visitation, then that gives you another plus for you.  I wish you luck, I think you will be fine.  

193609 tn?1292180293
by Cheyenne_08, Jun 11, 2009
What state are you from? When determining custody, courts have VERY strict guidelines!

916412 tn?1361201386
by scorpiogirl32, Jun 11, 2009
im from minnesota and hes from kansas but my state has jurisdiction sence the ruling was made here i would like her step mom to continue to raise her she is the best mom do you think she has any rights??

883151 tn?1245514509
by megmil, Jun 11, 2009
Honestly, if he really is a bad guy and the step mom has been the one home with the child and taking care of her the step mom should have rights as well. You should learn about the laws in your state but I think in Kansas if a step parent has been the primary care giver to a child they have the right to assume custody if anything happens. They have a right to go to court and show good cause, being that she has been the one taking care of her and the dad is a bad guy, that she should get custody. If that's making any sense. In Kansas you would have no rights if you willingly signed your rights away years ago you would be able to do nothing. But as I said that's Kansas law and I'm not even 100% about it. I've heard it being that way in some cases. You really need to get familiar with the laws in your state.

883151 tn?1245514509
by megmil, Jun 11, 2009
PS from KS that's how I know this. I have friends who had been in similar situations and that's how it worked out. Hopefully the step mom can get custody or maybe you can fight for her. Just letting you know that here if you sign away your rights, you lose those rights for good unless they are signed back over to you such as if you adopt the child back or something like that. Good luck to you and really don't listen to the rude critisism I read in the above comments.

916412 tn?1361201386
by scorpiogirl32, Jun 12, 2009
yes the step mom is going for temp costody i told her to get a rastraining order for her and bridget from the dad,minnesota had the jurisdiction over our costody case i made it that way so when ever we go back to court he has to come all the way here for court he tried last time to have it swiched to kansas but he was in vialation of the order so he pissed the courts off anyway. i told the step mom if he comes to get her im going to come get her for my 6 week summer visit and start the court papers maby a restraining order of my own for bridgets protection, he told the step mom hes coming to get bridget(hes of course working out of town)and going to have his new woman raise bridget and she will never see her again this is not healthy for my child he just meet this women off the internet im so going to fight for my child but i want her step mom to continue to raise her thats whats best for my little girl she loves her step mom.

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jun 12, 2009
I think your best bet is for you to gain custody of her first and then give her step mom physical custody after you have one it from him first.  I'm not sure on the legal rights of step parents.  Google it or call a local law office who deals with family and custody trials, they can give you a consult.  I wish you the best.

193609 tn?1292180293
by Cheyenne_08, Jun 12, 2009
In most states, step parents have NO rights during a divorce. However, this is what I was able to find:

(24) Minnesota: Minn. Stat. Ann. 257.022(2b) (West 1992 & Supp. 1996) (person having de facto custody of child for two years may petition for visitation). Simmons v. Simmons, 486 N.W.2d 788 (Minn. Ct. App. 1992) (court may enforce visitation rights of stepparent under stipulation in dissolution action).

(17) Kansas: Kan. Stat. Ann. 60-1610(a)(4)(D) (Supp. 1995) (in dissolution proceedings, court may award custody to stepparent if child is in need of care as defined by child protection laws or if neither parent is fit to have custody); Kan. Stat. Ann. 60-1616(b) (1994) (specifically recognizing stepparent visitation on divorce). In re Osborne, 21 Kan. App. 2d 374, 901 P.2d 12 (1995) (under UCCJA, stepmother had standing to intervene in ex-husband's custody action with his ex-wife after ex-husband's death); State v. Taylor, 125 Kan. 594, 264 P. 1069 (1928) (stepchild is child of marriage where stepparent stands in loco parentis, thereby giving court jurisdiction to decide custody of child).

That being said, the step mother should petition the court for custody/visitation through the divorce proceedings.

Avatar universal
by alikat1205, Jun 12, 2009
The step parent has no legal recourse.  She should attempt to adopt the child now before divorcing.  You will have to give up all rights to do that.  Then she can divorce him and step in as mom, and will be in an excellent position.  With no adoption and a divorce, she is out of the picture.

Avatar universal
by alikat1205, Jun 12, 2009
Even with this statute, it will be difficult to prove he is unfit, which is what she would have to do to gain custody.  she would have to prove you unfit as well.

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jun 12, 2009
The father will most likely not allow the step mom to adopt.  He has a new girlfriend and won't allow the step mom even to have visitation.  So I highly doubt he will go along with an adoption.

Avatar universal
by alikat1205, Jun 12, 2009
then she is out.  the best bio mom can do in this situation is fight for sole custody (which may not have a great chance) or increased visitation (again problematic due to geography) and allow stepmom visitation off the books, on her own visitation.  step-mom is unlikely to get any court ordered visitation.

Avatar universal
by alikat1205, Jun 12, 2009
which is not to discourage.  if she has the money and wants to pursue it, i would suggest she try to get sole custody.  yes, it will be difficult, but there is a change of circumstances (step-mom was a caregiver and is now gone) and with her own life changes she has a shot.  it may be a long shot, i don't know all the facts, but there is a little room to try it.

145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jun 12, 2009
I agree, I felt that she should try for sole custody and do her best to fight her ex.  That's the best scenario in this situation.  Maybe you will get a very sensitive judge who will want to give the child's real mother a chance.  Please keep us posted.

916412 tn?1361201386
by scorpiogirl32, Jun 12, 2009
well some good news she got a restraining order tell court in july keeping him away from her and bridget and in july it should be extended a year hopefully im relived but im still going to look in to other things just in case couet in july dont go as planed but for now bridget is safe whew thanks for all your info and supportive words

134578 tn?1602101550
by AnnieBrooke, Jun 12, 2009
Talk to a good family-law lawyer and lay out the whole thing.  You want to make all the right moves and no wrong ones.  It sounds like you will go for sole custody if that is the only way to get the child safe from the awful dad, and then once you do have sole custody, you can figure out some way to let the child be with the woman who raised her.  But do it with an attorney advising you on every step.

916412 tn?1361201386
by scorpiogirl32, Oct 01, 2009
omg you would not belive this one my daughters dad killed his self and burned down there house on sunday the 25th crazy right  im going to let my daughter live with her step mom shes 10 and she said can i please stay here im like yes but i now have full coustody i will probably split it 50/50 with the step mom

134578 tn?1602101550
by AnnieBrooke, Oct 01, 2009
Incredible.  Glad you can now do what is right for your daughter.

599170 tn?1300973893
by Cherie762, Oct 01, 2009
Here is a question, has anyone asked the 9 year old what she wants? In MI at age 13 if the court deems child mature enough the child has a right to say, doesnt mean the child will get what they say. At 15 plus they will get to choose and unless said parent is proven unfit they will get to live with parent they wish to live with,

at 9 she should not have to pick, but I just wonder what SHE  wants, if she wants to stay with Mom, the one who raised her, I think unless that Mom adopted her it may be difficult,

916412 tn?1361201386
by scorpiogirl32, Oct 01, 2009
ya she wants to stay in kansas with her step mom down there she is an only child and down here i have 3 little girls and twins on the way, but i will get her in the summer. i told her what ever she wants i will  agree to if she wants to come home one day she is more then welcomed to she is a really growen up 10 year old

1033073 tn?1271494986
by Boots85, Oct 03, 2009
wow your a stronger woman than i am i could never do for my child what u have done i would want her with me right or wrong i think it is wonderful that u have done what u daughter wants

983679 tn?1276833336
by leeisgettingclean, Jan 02, 2010
i am glad you are a strong person. Seems to me that you know for whatever reason that your daughter is better off with the stepmom and you did whats right!

916412 tn?1361201386
by scorpiogirl32, Jan 02, 2010
thank you

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