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Determined to be happy in my skin

Dec 03, 2013 - 0 comments



Birth Control

I am 38 years old and in the happiest existence I have ever known. I have an amazing husband, a wonderful 15 year old boy and a 21 month old girl.  I love them all with everything I have and I want to be the best version of myself that I can be.  

Before I got pregnant with my son…so many years ago,I always felt I struggled with my weight.  Not that I was LARGE but I had a very bad body image and I constantly compared myself to my "peers" who were teeny tiny and I always felt like a house compared to them.  

When I was a freshman in college, I was so afraid of the "freshman 15" that I got so serious about NOT gaining weight that I actually lost weight.  At my lowest weight as an adult, I weighed 145 lbs and I still felt so fat;  looking back at pictures from then,I didn't look too bad.  However, I was still considered overweight by the dreaded BMI.  

Anyway, I met my first husband and we got married at 20 (far too young) and I got pregnant at 22 years old.  With that pregnancy,I gained so much weight, I was at 195 easily when I had my son; I am convinced that I actually had gestational diabetes with him, but it went undetected, possibly because I was seemingly such a low risk.  After having him, It was impossible for me to lose weight.  I did it all "right"..with the exception of exercise, though I feel like I got a ton of exercise just taking care of him. But it didn't seem to matter how much I ate or didn't eat,i couldn't lose weight.

It took me 12 years to get diagnosed with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome), partially because I didn't know anything about it and it was not something that was regularly checked for; doctors just ASSUMED that I was an "overeater" despite my insistence that I didn't eat much-which I really didn't.  I got checked for Thyroid problems and other issues, but no one considered the PCOS diagnosis, until I went to my OB and she finally checked.  With PCOS, insulin resistance is a huge issue, and this can cause weight gain and makes it VERY difficult to lose weight.

After the PCOS diagnosis, I was put on Metformin immediately and I got on a strict regimen with the Metformin and 5 small meals a day and the pounds just melted off.  Literally.  I went from 194 to 147 in a matter of 9 months; still not my goal weight, but I felt so much better than I had in years!  I started reacting (hives) to the Metformin and I had to stop taking it, but was successfully maintaining my weight within 8 lbs or so; I was still wanting to lose 17 lbs and was watching what I ate, but I could only  maintain.  THen, i got pregnant with my daughter.  Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and was put on a strict gestational diabetes diet, which I followed religiously and was able to control my sugar and weight with diet; I only gained 19 lbs through the whole pregnancy.  After I had my baby girl, it took me about two weeks to get down to 153. Which I maintained until I got on birth control.  THEN, it didn't seem to matter what I did (despite breast feeding, trying to balance my nutrition for my breast milk) the weight just packed on.  I am now at 166 and I am just MISERABLE again; this has been such an issue for me my whole life and the PCOS (and related insulin resistance) does not help at all.  

I get so frustrated because I truly do not eat a lot and, with the exception of the occasional splurge (aka pizza), I maintain my caloric intake at, based upon all my research, what I consider to be a good level (for my weight) to lose weight slowly; however, I can't seem to lose and have gained some.   At one point, I was going to the gym every day for months, kept a food journal and was logging anywhere between 1300 and 1500 calories per day (with the VERY occasional "bad day"), not losing a single pound and actually gaining.  It is so frustrating, as I feel like I am sacrificing a lot with no results.  I gave up and have gained a few pounds back (but have still been keeping my calorie intake low) and just see the weight gain continuing unless I do something about it.

That all being said, I am now back to being committed to the gym every day and am trying to limit my calories to around 1200 per day and I am taking Metformin again (no reaction anymore).  I truly hope this works because nothing is more discouraging than doing the things I am doing with seemingly no results.  I don't want to give up again and I cannot stand the idea of gaining any more, as I have struggled my entire life with this, but my frustration level seems to get higher and I am not sure what else to do.  I do research all the time on healthy living and exercise and I alter my life to accommodate that.  It does get confusing sometimes though because there is so much contradictory information out there that it is hard to sort through it all.

My goal is to get to 130-that is a 36 lb weight loss.  i would like to do it by February 14, 2014, which gives me approximately 10 weeks to reach my goal. That is 3-4 lbs a week and may be unreasonable and I understand that.  However, as long as I am seeing results, I can stay consistent.  My biggest enemy is feeling unsuccessful at something; so it is going to be a struggle as weight loss does not come easy to me, obviously.  But, I am trying to hold myself accountable and I hope that the use of this site will help me with that.

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