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OMG! I can not do this!!

Dec 03, 2013 - 23 comments

My niece just got my Mom home from the first cancer dr she seen five years ago. He said that she has so much cancer and a BAD infection in the mouth and bones around the mouth area and it has spread bad. He can not believe she is even walking or alive. They need to do a cat scan and then try to drain some of this out..NOTHING is going to cure it now. He said she could die soon. They are going to do there best but it does not look good..Any fever right now I have to take her to the ER..It could kill her..How much more can I take..I am on my wits in with this Evil Cancer..I can not loose my Mom on top of my Dad right now..OMG what are you doing!!!!!

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Avatar universal
by msdelight, Dec 03, 2013
Oh my I am so sorry. WTF! Please stay strong. Praying for you.

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by meegWpaw, Dec 03, 2013
oh Vickie I am so very very sorry to hear this.  u have been displaying unbelievable and inhuman strength and courage, Vickie, u just gotta do the best u can like u ben doing honey and rely on us as much as you need to, just lean on us.  u know u can give me a jingle anytime and u know l love you and admire you so much Vic.  you can do this!  its a tremendous test, Vickedoll but you can do this!  I am here for you.

Avatar universal
by hlpplse, Dec 03, 2013
Vickie, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this:((( I agree with MsDelight  WWWWTTTTFFFF. I know that they have strong broad spectrum antibiotics out there so hopefully that can take care of the infection. My heart just breaks for you, Please know that I pray for you every night and will start praing for your Mom as well. Again there are no words that can take away your pain and sorrow just know that we all Love You...XXOOO

Avatar universal
by ROSYouralright, Dec 03, 2013
Oh Vic...
I wish I had a magic wand...
I am so sorry!

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by toothfairie, Dec 03, 2013
Vic i'm SOOO sorry girl!!  my prayers are with you and your mom/family!  You have been so strong thru this...

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by ariley13, Dec 03, 2013
I am so sorry Vic. I wish I could do or say something to make this all better. Please let me know if there's anything I can do for you. I will keep you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers. Love you.

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by clean_in_ks, Dec 03, 2013
Vic....oh Vic....this is one of those times there simply are not ANY words....just none....not ANY.  

If I could....I'd hop on a plane and just come "be" with you.....hold you.....listen to you......just sit with you~
but I'm thinkin your Mom probably needs those very same things from you right now.  She must be in so much pain....so tired of fighting...so worn out.  And she needs her daughter.....so I'm prayin with all that's in me for God to give you the strength to make these last days with her special for you both.  My heart aches for you babe.....but know what?  I know you'll find it in you....I just know you will.  I'm crying with you......it suks eggs big time.....I love you Vickie Lee~


Avatar universal
by vicki595, Dec 03, 2013
Vic- She's pretty sick now. How is she feeling? Can she eat?   All you can do is put one foot in front of the other and take it day by day...it's very sad and so difficult for you, I'm sure.   Ask for help...let people come over and visit, cook, clean...whatever they want to do...you need the support so reach out to family and friends.  Thinking of you and so sorry about all of this heartache...

Avatar universal
by digger1976, Dec 03, 2013
So sorry Vic, you really are being tested lately, I do feel for you! Please stay strong my friend, your in my thoughts as always, love ya..

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by SmilingBright, Dec 03, 2013
Oh Vic.  Praying for you and supernatural stregnth for you and your mom.  God still works miracles.   Believing for a miracle for your mom.   Sending all my prayers your way. Love you

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by cali_soleil, Dec 03, 2013
I'm sorry to hear this. I know you've had a lot of loss in your life. I understand. I'm kinda in the same place. Try to stay strong. Hold on to those who are there. You'll get thru it. You're strong.

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by Kbusymom, Dec 03, 2013
I am so sorry for all you are going through; you've definitely had so much to deal with lately.  I am praying for you and your family.

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by Sonrissa, Dec 03, 2013
Oh Hon... I'm so very sorry! Those words are so very inadequate. I don't even know what to say. I'm praying for your strength. One step at a time, Hell, one inch at a time. Keep reaching out for support. And, yes ask for help from others. We are holding your hand, and walking with you side by side. Hugs!

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by atthebeach, Dec 03, 2013
hey Vickie, I am sending love, hope, prayers and support.

Avatar universal
by 10356, Dec 03, 2013
Oh V.. Sending Strength Love and Prayers..  I'm so very sorry to read this but You will be able to handle this V. You have too. I never thought I would handle all of the peps I have lost and in such a short amount of time but I have..  Your Mom is still here Love her love yourself and know many of us are sending you both love and Prayers.. warm hugs lesa

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by VICourageous, Dec 03, 2013
Thank You all..I did not want to put this in but I have no where else to turn..I only called 2 friends here in town..The support from here is just amazing..It does help give me the strength I need right now. I think I can feel your Prays..lol
The thing is that she would not tell me things..She kept it to her self. I found out that she had cancelled many appointment's that I was not aware of. The cancer Dr that seen her today was the one that cut half her tongue off about 5 years ago. She has seen many since then that told her that her mouth had a yeast infection or that chemo was bringing out a infection like a virus that was hidden. His faced just went into shock..He told my niece he has never seen anything like this and it is Cancer still..Lot of dead skin inside and it has gone to the Jaw Bones now. She does not have much time left from what he said..The only thing we can do is put her in the Hospital and they will cut it open and try to remove some of the infection. She might have to be on a IV drip of Antibiotics when she comes home and maybe even have a hole in the throat for breathing. We do not know how much and what can be done until the cat-scan.
She told me just now, that she knew it was bad but did not want to upset us..Well shoot!!!! I told her I need to know EVERYTHING..I am going to be staying over here with her becasue she has tears and is afraid right now.
I know that many of us have lost many but it sure feels very different when we can not run and use or get so Fing drunk so we can forget for the moment. I will not do this but I am going to the DR tomorrow to see what I can do right now for all of this stress and anxiety. I am not feeling good and I shake like a snake. All the issues are rolling to close for me right now. One thing at a time..I pray my Mom will have some more Years left..I will end up in ward B if she goes now. I am blessed in one way that God gave me some time in my sobriety like over a year before all this **** is hitting the fan..BUT it ***** and it is not good. Thanks for listening..One day soon I can come on with good news. God only knows. I do not care if he takes me..I do not fear death right now..Just will NEVER take my own Life. I will stick to the Meetings and my Church and get going on some Bible Studying..My Mom and I have lots of books that we read right now. Oh!! Sometimes what Life will throw you all at once. I have lost many right after the next within weeks apart when My little bother died..Boom, Boom, Boom about 12 right after each other and they where my lil brother friends and then some children of the ones that went to. All this pain is back and even worse becasue I will not use to numb these feelings. I am so sorry to bring all of you down. I just thought it would be good for me to vent this out right now and maybe someday I can look back at it.
Hope everyone has a nice Christmas...Bless

PS FourJays (Julie) thanks you so much for always being her for me too..Our talk on the phone today helped me more then you will ever know. I will take your advice and run with it..I love you my dear friend.

Avatar universal
by Done610, Dec 04, 2013
Dear Vickie, grief is soooo hard. Sounds like your mother is suffering. It is so hard to watch someone you love so much suffer.  That's how my Father went. Very slow and painful. Colon Cancer.  Towards the end it was a blessing when god finally took him. No more pain and suffering. He wanted to go. There was no quality of life left for him. He stopped eating and starved himself to death. That was his wish. Hospice is there for your mother and father ? They are there for you too. Keep reaching out.  I know how hard it is. Sending love and prayers to you and your family. Jody.

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by Emily_MHManager, Dec 04, 2013
I'm so, so sorry. You are stronger than you realize, and you remain in my prayers.

Em

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by nursegirl6572, Dec 04, 2013
Vic, you've certainly been handed so much to deal with!  You and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.  I'm just so sorry all of this is happening, all at once.

I agree with Em, you're stronger than you realize.  Keep posting for support.  You've got LOTS of friends here who care about you.  

XOXO

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by laurel453, Dec 04, 2013
that is so tough and i am so sorry, Vic... but others are right, you are strong enough to deal with the cards life has given to you now, i simply know LOH

Avatar universal
by Ellen038, Dec 04, 2013
I really don't know what to say besides I feel gutted that this is now happening with your mom. I am so sorry Vic, my heart goes out to you. I know you will remain strong and get through these dark and difficult times. Please lean on your friends, we love and care for you deeply.  Your not bringing us down either!  Don't keep this kind of stuff bottled up inside.  It is harmful to your future (I've learned this the hard way). I am glad you can come here to journal and your friends listen and support you. If there is anything I can do please let me know. Keeping you and your family in my prayers

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by IBKleen, Dec 04, 2013
I just don't know the words. How could anyone prepare for something like this? I am so very sorry for you and your family and will keep you all in my prayers. Please keep talking honey. It does help. Sending hugs....

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by VICourageous, Dec 04, 2013
12-4-2013---Wed.

Well I got no sleep at all last night. I stayed over here and felt achy, shaky, breaky and think. think, think, rattle, rattle..
I feel like I felt over a year ago in detox..I guess stress can play he11 on you. I have a feeling she is in denial or just flat ash does not want to think about it or talk about it..We did agree we were going to study some bible scrips with the preacher up the road. I just do not think she knows how serious this is or she does not want to show us that she knows. I guess that is OK becasue she is being a trooper and you never know how far the power of the mind can get you.
It is sad to think that the Dr does not think she has much more time left..There is no more they can do..The Cancer is just Bad.
Forever is not Forever at least on this earth. I am spending most of my time with her right now..Just never know.
Thanks for the Prays WE sure can use them big time right now.
Bless

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