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Whats Up!!!!!

Dec 15, 2013 - 12 comments

Ok this is what is going on..Thank You for telling me I am not driving you all nuts. I do need SUPPORT. I get wonderful support from my Hub but this is so hard on him too and he is watching out for me and does not want anybody to stress me out anymore..Like some that Call if you get my drift.lol
I have lost many, many Loved ones right after another through out my Life..Boom, Boom, Boom they went..Even the Kids who had Kids had died and a few of their Children after. Well I guess back in those days all the way up to last year I Numbed myself in some way..SO when my Dad just died a couple of weeks ago I had dealt with this with True Feeling for the first time..My Dad would comfort me by saying he lived a good life and that he Believes and is ready to GO
On the other Hand my Mom was just a Trooper..She just kept up her Humor and so on..Then when we got the News and she knew there was not much more they could do she went into a depression and was just nodding out all the time. She was or is not able to do all the things she used too. She keeps saying she does not want to die and feels that she worked so hard and that God let her down. She thinks God or No One cares. SHE FEARS DEATH!!! Now I had the preacher came down yesterday but I think he went all over to where she did not get to talk about what is bothering her. Hospice is going to send one out too..I think she really needs to know all she can about having Faith and knowing that God is a forgiving God..There is so much more that she has some quilt about leaving my Step dad for a guy for over 15 years. She went in and talk to him (dad) about this and he said he had already forgave her..This guy died a couple of Years ago on Christmas day just like her son did back in the 80s..She feels like she should of been there for them both and maybe they would be here today..This is not so. She fears Christmas becasue of all of this. There is SO much more..

Now for me this is hard becasue I see her everyday and can not see how fast she is declining. I am used to her funny since of Humor and her Positive out look..She would try to do everything she could with out help..I told her that I am sorry that I can not do all this work around here like I could of did in the past.( I do alot of work)she understands and rather it not be done at this time if it is going to trigger me to get a Buzz on going. I had someone come up and prepare some blended meals but she does not like it and she can not even taste it.I get on her somewhat about her eating becasue all she eats is Yogurt and Mac-n-Cheese becasue of having only a Half of Tongue..She has tons of Protein drinks here to..Before all of this she was making her Shakes and some food..Now she does feel a bit tired and she can get a bit of energy here and there to do this..She did not want any outside help at all. BUT we did finally agree about Hospice after I explained it to her that they are not here to kill you..They will live in the Day with you and want you to be happy..So Now it is getting to the point where I need Home Health so they can take some of this stress off of me for cleaning her house and everything I am doing now. I walk a few feet over here day in and day out to talk and be with her and now I find myself picking up after her too. She is very Stubborn and tries to do this alone but her Health is going fast and I am afraid of her hurting herself. I guess I am being a Mother hen in one way but I get Mad in another way. I am watching this all go down in front of me and it is just killing me. She does not want to move to a Nursing Home and this would kill her for sure. My Hub & I are caught in a catch 22 here. He does not want me to walk over here one day and see her Gone..This would Hunt me the rest of my Life.BUT I do not want her to move right now and she does not either..This is why she does not tell us things becasue she is afraid we will move her..So a part of me thinks she is being kind of selfish (in a kind of a way) becasue she knows this is just Stressing us to the Max's..Now I know there might be a time and real soon that she will have to move for her own safety. I just think she could get so much care and help that we are doing all day our selves..BUT i have to keep her happy and moving away is not going to be this right now. I just wish she would not FEAR and have Faith..I know, I know this is not up to me and I know God will come into her Heart soon. One day I am OK and the next all I can do is flip out and cry. My emotions are going every which way. In one hand they all say to be here for Support but in the Other I am her personal care giver. This is all different when it is your own Family. SO at this point I am going to get some help besides Hospice..I just did not want everyone in here all at once..I figured we would work up to it..SHE does not want anybody here..They asked to give her a Bath and she said no she wants me too..OK here we go again..She is my Mom and I know I should help but it is just tearing me down right now. I am not in the greatest shape to do this 24-7 and this is what I have been doing.
Today she is in a way better mood and we are going to go out to the dollar store and such..I know she will not last out in town for to long. Maybe the shock just was to much and now she is slowly excepting this..She is better today then she has been in a couple of weeks. SO I need the extra help and I wish someone was here all the time..I am OK being here becasue I love her so much..She has always been my Best friend more then a Mom..If you know what I mean. Also I just know if I move her right now this would kill her Mentally, Physically and Spiritually..Her Heart would be broken and she would think WE do not care..SO this is all just so Fing hard right now and I am Lost...lol I feel like sometimes I am going to be buried before her becasue of all of this.
Thanks for Caring..
Bless

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1970885 tn?1435860428
by kyle505, Dec 15, 2013
My mother died of cancer, and what she went through sounds a lot like what your mom is experiencing. She was very stubborn, and right up until the moment she died she refused to be seen by a priest. She just didn't have faith in any sort of organized religion. BUT - during the whole ordeal I was using, so most of it just got stored up someplace, and I had to deal with it months later. Maybe you being able to take in the day to day, process it; good or bad, you deal with it while it's happening and then move on, or if you store up things you only keep bits and pieces. I think, although it's very hard, that what you're doing is very brave, and is the best way - you can help your mom now, when she needs you. All I ever did when my mom was dying was to steal pills from her.
As far as moving her, well, you just may have to. Like you said, it would be for her own safety. But if she's like my mom it will not be easy, and she may resent you, but there really is no other alternative. So don't beat yourself up. It will be one of the most difficult things you'll ever do, but I believe that you are more than capable.
And finally, you really do need to take care of yourself. Yes - you have an obligation to your mother, but you also have an obligation to yourself. Balance the two. If you don't, you'll get to the point where you're not much good to anyone, and you will be open to the voice. Please take care.
K

4522800 tn?1470325834
by VICourageous, Dec 15, 2013
Oh!! Thanks Kyle..At least I am clean & sober and dealing with this in the Real World. She is very proud of me for this..I am sorry that you had to go through this too. I sure Pray that you do not feel guilty for using during all of your time with her. At least I know a few on here that I can talk to in a private matter if it comes down to it. I do need support and it would be good from some that have experienced it already. I did not mean that in a bad way..Because I am so sorry for your loss..I have lost many and a young brother and dad and so many friends..I just feel that a Mom is somewhat more difficult..Being that she is My best friend besides my Hub she has more years on me then him..Hahaha

Now today I let her read what some of you have said..It seems like she got a good lift from some of you that wrote. She is up and doing somethings like cleaning out a cupboard and has a since of Humor right now..Praise God..Keep it coming like you are talking to her..This is really helping her snap out of it a bit. What a Blessing today has been..Weaver wrote me a few times and I let her read what he had said..Not what I said just his response. It made her so happy and made her open up more to me..She is my Mom today and is being very Funny..I can not think all of you enough for bringing her around with your words..
I still have to go and pick up my dads ashes from the funeral home and we are going to take them where he wanted them spread..I have to still call the Union and the Social Security, Bank, etc.. I have so much to do for him after he died but I have had to deal with her too..OH Boy it is all so over whelming but I am calm today. I will take Steps to getting it all done. THANK YOU ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!

Thanks DOMINOSARAH  for telling me it is OK to let it out and Journal on here..That was good coming from you since you are the Community Leader and have been with me since I joined.. You have helped me to understand all the stages I was going through during my Detox and in times of troubles....lol
GOD BLESS U ALL!!

4522800 tn?1470325834
by VICourageous, Dec 15, 2013
Yes..Something happen here after she has read what was said..She is up and moving and joking around..Ya!!!!!!

5347058 tn?1381188426
by ariley13, Dec 15, 2013
I hope that journaling helped a little. There's really nothing I can do or say to make your situation better. (If there is you had better tell me!) But I can listen and keep telling you how proud I am of you and how much I love you. Please be sure to do what you need to do to keep yourself healthy. We both know from our life as nurses that sometimes when you are taking care of others all of the time, you neglect yourself. Just remember that if you aren't ok and healthy, you can't be any good for anyone else. I know you really want to take care of your mom and I admire that a lot. Just don't forget about Vic. You all are in my prayers daily. Give your mama a hug for me. Love you Vic.

495284 tn?1333894042
by dominosarah, Dec 15, 2013
If she is reading this then i am going to speak to her Vic.  

Dear Vic's mom.........I took care of my dad when he was sick.  We had hospice come in and then had Home Health come in.  They were a godsend to all of us.  It freed me and my brother up from doing daily chores and allowed us to spend more time with my dad.  They didnt do anything that my dad didnt want. ( He showered himself )  I know this is so very tough to be going thru for you.  There are so many coulda shoulda woulda's but they dont matter anymore.  What matters is now, today, at this moment.   You have raised a remarkable daughter.  You have shown her how a person should be, kind caring loving etc.  This all shows what a remarkable woman you are.  Be proud of that.  As for the eating thing, we as the children worry about that.  Keep eating what you can.  Jello is good and can squish between your teeth!!

We should all take the time to enjoy our loved ones so that is my wish for you and Vic.  Stay strong in your fight Vic's mom~ Sending a ton of love and hugs to you both~sara

4522800 tn?1470325834
by VICourageous, Dec 15, 2013
OH GOSH!!!! She said THANK YOU! That was so sweet and caring..I am not kidding ever since she has been reading some of this it has changed her back to her spunky and funny self. NO ONE in our REAL World has done this at all for weeks. I can not tell you all in words how much this means to US ALL!! Even my Hub is seeing the differents..I am speechless..I love you all for caring..God Be with my Angles out here..lol
I was able to take a nice relaxing nap today too!!
Bless

SPECIAL THANKS TO TONY & SARAH..Your words touch her more then you will ever know..lol

4522800 tn?1470325834
by VICourageous, Dec 15, 2013
PS..She said she really likes reading this from All of you..It does not make her feel so alone..SO ANY ONE of my MH Family, keep it rolling in if you want to say something to her..
Her name is Elsie..lol
This has just been a unbelievable experience since you chipped in and said something to her. God is working through you guys..Bless

I am in TEARS OF JOY & HOPE!!!

5347058 tn?1381188426
by ariley13, Dec 15, 2013
Elsie, I just wanted to let you know how much I respect you. Vic talks about you all of the time and you sound like a very strong, sweet lady. You have certainly raised a fantastic daughter. We are all praying for you. I hope that you are able to stay in good spirits and find happiness in every day. Stay strong and you and Vic keep leaning on each other. Sending hopes for peace and much love your way.

Angela

495284 tn?1333894042
by dominosarah, Dec 15, 2013
Elsie....Have you thought about adopting?  I am up for adoption and am potty trained!!!

4522800 tn?1470325834
by VICourageous, Dec 15, 2013
Yes I am Dear as long as YOU are potty trained..Can you brush your hair everyday because I can't mine..
Elsie..Vics Mom.

4522800 tn?1470325834
by VICourageous, Dec 15, 2013
Thanks you too Angela & Kyle.

495284 tn?1333894042
by dominosarah, Dec 15, 2013
Yep i can brush my own hair too!!  I can also reach stuff up high.  I see Vic is only 5'2' and i am 5'8'!!

I do hope you are feeling better after reading all of this.  We talk alot on here about having bad days.  It makes the good days even better.  We believe here that there are power in numbers so i hope you are feeling all the good vibes being sent your way.  If you need something dont be afraid to ask.  If you want to vent we listen.  Now be a good girl and let others help you!!  Love and hugs, sara

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