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Pregnancy and drinking/smoking??

Dec 15, 2013 - 9 comments

Ok so I know I never been preggo before but I'm pretty sure you're not supposedly to drink and smoke whole preggo. Even if someone doesn't know you would think it would be common sense. I say that to say this.

Yesterday we had a work Christmas party and we all went out to eat. One of the girls is 4 months preggo. Just a lil history on her she had suffered from numerous miscarriages. She has a 12 year old but every time getting preggo after that it has ended in miscarriage. You would think someone who has suffered from this would do anything in there power to try to be as cautious as you can when it comes to your pregnancy. Last night she ordered a sangria. She kept putting the disclaimer out there that she is allowed to have it. She said is what nothing but fruit juice and red wine. Then when another co-worker went to smoke she went outside with her. My thing is this even if you're not going outside to smoke why go with her and out yourself and your child in harm. If I'm not mistaken you should avoid being around smoke while preggo. The other day she was crying at work cause her dr office called and she was crying and she needed to come right away. She came back the next day and it seemed like everything was fine.

Don't get me wrong I'm not judging but I just find it hard to show sympathy to someone who puts their self and their child at risk knowing when you had problems in the past.  Just needed to vent about that. Ladies what your input and please correct me if I'm wrong.

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Avatar universal
by Drue1026, Dec 15, 2013
I have worked labor and delivery and GYN. She probably miscarries often at no fault of her own ie scarred uterus, body rejecting fetus, endometriosis, cervical cancer etc. her doctor probably already advised her before she went out with you all that she would lose the baby. There is probably a lot about this situation and lady that you don't know. There is nothing wrong with one glass of wine depending on her doctor, and as long as she wasn't the one smoking I don't see the big deal. Anyhow this is a very fragile situation and should only be dealt with love and understanding,  you can guide her to bereavement classes in your area. Or there are some great web sites

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by Risa615, Dec 16, 2013
I heard second hand smoke is bad for fetus as well. It is best to be careful at all times and not drink, but some say you can have a drink.  I surely would think that if she already had so many miscarriages, she would be extra careful.

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by krichar, Dec 16, 2013
I hope you dont mind me chiming in... They dont know how much alcohol causes FASD... A real disorder. It causes PERMANENT IRREVERSABLE brain damage that the child will have deal with for the rest of their life with that comes learning disabilities, ODD and whole other assortment of possible mental illnesses. NO alcohol is worth the risk... That being said maybe take her aside and ask... Ask if theres something wrong, ask her if she knows the side effects... A baby born with FASD is worse off then one born with a drug addiction and may be apprehended by CPS :(

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by specialmom, Dec 16, 2013
Well, obviously no one should be smoking and drinking during pregnancy, almost a cliché at this point.  However, my doctor told me during both my pregnancies that one drink here and there was NOT a big deal. It was allowed and I live in a big city and go to a very professional, educated ob/gyn practice with 7 doctors that have this as the general policy they share with their patients.   I agree with Drue on that.  I'm not a drinker but would imagine that she got the same kind of input from her doctor and hence, we should probably allow her to make her own decisions without judgment.  She may absolutely be within what her doctor has told her she can do.  

And walking through a smoking area or standing with someone while they smoke a cigarette does not cause a miscarriage.  Again, as Drue pointed out, miscarriages rarely happen because of anything a woman does.

It is hard when we know what *we* would do but in all seriousness, what you describe is something that I know of many pregnant women doing.  Having a celebration drink during the holidays.  By the way, did she even finish it?  I've seen a lot of prego friends out with friends that are celebrating that order a drink and take a sip or two or maybe drink half.  

Anyway, it's hard to know what goes on with others and especially a work colleague that we aren't great friends with.  I hope this pregnancy for her sticks and she has a healthy baby at the end of it.  I'm sure the numerous miscarriages have been hard on her emotionally.  

Happy Holidays to all.  

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by specialmom, Dec 16, 2013
I wanted to make one more comment.  I also really know the heartache of longing for a baby and seeing people that I wonder 'how or why' they get to be pregnant when they aren't doing the things I'd do and I was still hoping for my pregnancy to happen, if that makes sense.  That is indeed really hard.  It hurts if you are longing to be pregnant and you see someone acting cavalier about the pregnancy.  And I can see how seeing a pregnant woman whose had miscarriages having a drink would spark those feelings. I don't know if that is part of this situation and my heart certainly goes out to you if it is.  That's really hard.   Peace

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by Sheaby, Dec 16, 2013
As someone who was a social drinker and a daily smoker before I got pregnant, this is an easy topic for me to discuss.  People are going to make decisions based on their own feelings.  I do know that some doctors will in fact tell a heavy smoker that has a hard time quitting that having a cigarette here and there to help curb the craving is actually better for the baby than the stress caused by denying a serious craving.  Also, while K is absolutely correct that doctors do not know how much alcohol causes FAS, most doctors agree that up to 1 glass of wine per day is ok.  Personally, I haven't had a lick to drink since my BFP, but I smoked until my first ultrasound - and I have had miscarriage after miscarriage, with no living children yet to speak of.  My thought process was that I wasn't going to stop what I was doing if I was just going to lose the baby anyways.  Every BFP I ever had, I would quit smoking immediately - only to miscarry soon after.  This time, I made a promise to myself, my baby, and God that if we saw a heartbeat at the first scan, I would quit then and there.  And I did.  My first scan wasn't until 6w6d - and I'm now 11w3d for the first time ever and everything is going well (knock on wood).  My boyfriend and plenty of friends still smoke.  Most time, the smell makes me sick these days - but on occasion, I do find myself craving a cigarette.  If I go outside with my boyfriend while he smokes, the smell alone will take that craving away without me having to light up.  It's easy to judge without knowing someone's full story - but just remember that everyone is different.  I know women who smoked their entire pregnancy and had 10lb babies.  While that's not something that I personally believe in, I also can't judge because it's honestly none of my business.  

Avatar universal
by ROSYouralright, Dec 16, 2013
I have 4 beautiful healthy babies & I had a wonderful obgyn who actually told me to go home and have A (one) glass of wine.. I can't remember the reason now however it is a true story. I was also told that A glass of wine here or there could actually be beneficial...
I did not drink nor smoke while pregnant but I just wanted to let you know what I learned through pregnancy..

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by DellaKemp, Dec 16, 2013
I have never been pregnant, but numerous friends of mine have been. They have told me that their doctors say that during the 3rd trimester, a glass of red wine  is ok occasionally. I do know that red wine, helps tone the blood and boost circulation so if you are having bad circulation during your pregnancy I can see why that would be ok. I know of a friend that would if she just had a really bad craving for a margarita, she would take a tiny sip of her DH's and then she would be fine. Took the craving right away. She has 2 beautiful children. I do think that it's a pregnancy by pregnancy situation. But that is just an opinion form someone who has never been pregnant. As far as smoking, I don't think anyone should smoke during pregnancy. Like a couple ladies said as long as she wasn't the one smoking, it would be considerd ok if its not a consistent basis.

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by adgal, Dec 17, 2013
Please do not judge her.  As someone who has also suffered multiple miscarriages, what she needs right now is support.  You may see her actions as wrong, but I promise you ,they did not cause her losses.  If you cannot be empathetic and kind right now, it's best to say nothing and just stay away, because she is hurting.  And hurting in a way it is not possible to understnad unless you have been there.  I've had 9 losses, I've been there.

The reality and science behind this issue is that a healthy fetus stays put.  Yes, due to things like alcohol consumption, smoking, etc. baby may be born less then healthy - that is true. It is better for mom to refrain from all these things.  But multiple miscarriage?  That is more often then not cause by a chromosomnal issue, and is not moms' fault.  So many women carry full term even though they engage in risky behavior.  Education is a positive, but judgement is not.  Risky behavior and miscarriage are not often connected. One has nothing to do with the other.  SHe likely has addiction issues, it's not just a matter of common sense, it's a matter of education and support.

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