May 01, 2008
Without going into deep and painful memories, I will tell you a little about my situation.
I am in the middle of a Divorce. During my marriage I was abused and tortured by my ex partner.
I have been seeing my GP and a Psychologist weekly.
3 weeks ago I was attacked and raped by my ex infront of my children. Since the attack, I have had in increase of disturbing symptoms. These symptoms were present before the attack but not so frequent.
Disturbing symptom 1.
I will be driving somewhere. I know where I am going but for the life of me, I cannot remember the journey. I sit there and try retrace it but I just can't remember. I can do the shopping and forget the journey, even the checkout. I have driven through red lights in this state and I don't remember doing it. I loose large portions of my day. I just can't remember the events.
I don't drink, smoke or take recreational drugs before you suggest it.
I do take perscription medications for extreme headaches. I am not on any medication for depression. I find that seeing the doctor and psychologist up until this point has been sufficent in dealing with these elements.
Disturbing symptom 2.
Failure to absorb information. This comes and goes. If I am put on the spot and I am stressed, I cannot summerise what I have just been told. I can read something but I won't retain the information. I can read this information over and over again. EG- Flight details. It is written on the ticket and I have read it 200+ times in the time leading up to the time I need to catch the plane but when I get there I can't remember the details. It is like I am reading it for the first time all over again. It is like my mind shuts down. Deal with this yourself, I am out of here! During this time, I can talk, walk, function relatively normally but I just can't think.
The other symptoms I suffer, I feel are typical of someone who has been in an abusive relationship.
Anxiety, lack of sleep, exagerated startle response, moments of depression, crying, mood swings, jumpiness, defensive behaviour, headaches, stomache trouble, chest pain etc.
At the moment, my treating doctor, psychologist and sexual assult councillor believe I am suffering from a mild state of depression. My GP is on holidays and i feel that these symptoms are getting worse. I will go to another GP tonight but I feel I need to see my GP asap. Something is not right. I feel like I am balancing on the edge and if the wind blows, I will fall off.
If this sounds like PTSD to you, please tell me. If it sounds like something else, Please tell me. I need more help than I am recieving.