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Need some tips/input ladies!

Jan 02, 2014 - 12 comments

So my baby boy is going to be 5 this year, my baby girl will be 1 year in 12 days, and I'm just wondering whereeee has time gone?!! I get so sad seeing how quickly it goes. I'm also sad knowing this is it for me - I know my limit, and I still feel stress some days being home alone with 2 kids to occupy day in and out. I absolutely love my babies, and love pregnancy, birth, baby stage, but that is NOT a good reason to want another child. Simply because I miss pregnancy, birth, and having a baby around - because pregnancy and birth come and go, and they don't stay babies forever. I also know in order to provide the absolute best for them financially, we are sticking to two. Our house is also 3 bedroom, and the kids rooms are not huge, so I would feel awful making them share a room and invade their space like that. I have two beautiful, healthy, amazing kids. And I am extremely grateful for that. So my question, ladies, is how do I get myself over the grief I feel for not having anymore kids? I'm 22 - no permanent surgeries for DH or I as far as getting "fixed", and don't plan to until we are well over 30, but we're pretty set in not wanting any more. I know time can change things drastically, but I feel we are done with kids. I just feel such sadness in my kids getting older. Maybe when Chloe goes to school and I get to finish college and get in to shape physically that I want, and focus on me more often I will feel differently. I know I desperately need "me" time - and I intend on getting that now. Has anyone else felt this way when finishing up their families? Any tips to get over it?

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by KTowne, Jan 02, 2014
I should mention maybe the 1st birthday planning, and weaning from breastfeeding after a great year of bonding with my littlest baby may have something to do with my sadness :(

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by Yrmacias, Jan 02, 2014
I think once your 30 you will have your 3rd. If, not you are still young enough to do school and revisit issue. Your lucky to have that option ;)

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by Sheaby, Jan 02, 2014
Obviously I don't know how you feel - but is it possible to maybe volunteer at your local hospital a few hours a week in the birth unit or in the NICU?  How do you feel about being a surrogate?  You could enjoy pregnancy again!  Personally, it's not something I could do - but it's a thought.  Or what about egg donation?  I'm doing that after I have this baby!!  I think it's an awesome way to help other women/families in similar situations.  I know these are some off the wall suggestions...ask me again in a few years!  Haha

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by Des92, Jan 02, 2014
Girl, your strong for loving those things but saying this is it. I think i love it too much to be able to say "im done" lol. Next month my Aubree will be 1, and I feel like time is speading up and I just wanna freeze time. Im a weakling to say the least. I can say i wanna wait about 3 years before having another baby, my Body is tired, and selfishly i Want my Body back for me for awhile. Im not gonna be good at giving you advice, but ill try! 1. Try not to think about it too much. When I think about Aubree getting big it makes me incredibly sad. 2. Dont get fixed, cause like you said things change and thats something your regret if time did change your mind. 3. Just remember those sleepless newborn nights and think about how your closer and closer to a full nights rest lol.

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by Ellen038, Jan 02, 2014
You know we are expecting our first and most likely our only child. My opinion would be live in the now and take in every moment of enjoyment from those babies you have. You are still young and opportunities to increase income and purchase a larger home are certainly goals that can be accomplished. You wouldn't necessarily need to leave your neighborhood either. What I'm trying to say is don't exclude it from your near future plans. My DH was lucky to advance in a position this year that pays over double what he was making. You may also come to realize in time that you absolutely love the next stages of your. Holder a growth more then missing what you already know (pregnancy, birthing and having a baby around. You may find that trips and outings are more enjoyable with children that are more self sufficient and of course having some more 'me time'. Just something to think about I guess. Again, this is coming from someone who has no clue but can see how you feel that time does go by so fast these days....especially when your my age lol. I'm just trying to see both sides of the situation. You still have so many first times and special times ahead with your beautiful children.

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by K_Bmomma, Jan 03, 2014
Awe momma!! I know how you feel!! I will be 22 this yr I had my two and hubby had one before me so we have 3 amazing boys and time flies, idk if its something about being a sahm where we see them grow everyday but it doesnt really hit us that they have grown until a major bday or some event., but thats when it really seems to happen. You have a beautiful boy and girl. You get the best of both worlds, im struggling knowing this was my last baby and i wont ever get to experience having a little girl.
i love pictures, scrapbooking/ collages. Helps me look back and remember all the cute times we have had. Not every mom gets to see every moment of their little ones like we do. Enjoy it! and then yes take time for yourself, im excited to finally be able to get back in shape and go to school. * funny we have the same plans lol**  And its not even just for yourself, thats giving literally everything you have to them, your time while they need you completely and when they are self sufficient furthering your education and fitness health only helps them more too!
i think the feeling of wanting more but not, will never go away. I know it wont for me and labor scares me to death! but like you we know our limit, i like the idea one of the ladies had above to volunteer at a hospital with babies! I think i may even do that someday when im feeling baby fever.
Sorry no super helpful advice but i do know where your coming from. something that we can help each other with!

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by mandaszoo, Jan 03, 2014
Sorry for butting in but I just wanted to say enjoy your family for now but don't rule out a baby in the future. I had my kids young and got (fixed) I would call it broken in my 20s . How I regret that but I thought my family complete. You have got many years to decide what you really want and seeing your babies grow is very hard but part of life. You never know what can happen in life and it can change the decisions we make for the future. Take contraception and give yourself time. Hug,s Amanda

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by KTowne, Jan 03, 2014
Thank you so much ladies, I think you are all absolutely right. Right now I'm just going to enjoy me time and watching my kids grow. When we decide to broach the subject of permanent measures, we will reassess if we want more, I just feel like my family is "complete" now. But who knows!! We will see - right now I'm just going to love my babies, and become "me" again instead of only full time mommy, and see how this helps my emotions, thank you all so much for your input!!

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by Shannon79, Jan 03, 2014
I'm the same as you. We have 2 boys, and right now I know i'm done. It's like I've said to my husband if we'd had Preston first, we would've only had 1. He is so much more of a handful then Reilly was.

I'm also older then you and my dh is older. I'm almost 35, and my dh will be 50 this year. He keeps hinting at another one, but I don't know if he's actually serious because he knows I don't want more.

I'm a sahm too, and there are definitely days where i'm at my max on what I can handle.

I will admit there are days I miss the baby bump, but I just remember the nausea, the aches and pains, the labour, the sleepless nights, (you know it all), and I quickly remember why I don't want to do it again.

So like the other ladies, I say focus on the family you have now, focus on being a great mom to them and a wonderful wife, and start making some you time.

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by retta483, Jan 03, 2014
I wouldn't do anything permanite  for a while . I don't think that want for another baby goes away . I am much older so I keep telling my self Im going to have lots of grandbabies and enjoy the babies and give them back to their mom . my DD doesent want kids any time soon but by the time she is in her 20's Khloe will be 3 . your still young you may change your mind later on . Enjoy them it truly goes by so fast . my youngest besides the baby is 4 and I still look at him like my baby .

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by Gardezi, Jan 04, 2014
you know you r so young and i think just having a firm decision in your mind that u r done with the babies for sometime would help. its better to have a time frame for lets say 5 years, and stick to it. but i wouldnt be surprised that you would want more after 6-7 years or lets say 10 years coz u will still b 32 years dont stress yourself on it. its a process and it will take sometime...just live in now and enjoy ur beautiful babies. let the time decide what future holds for u:)) just like that, already missing my baby bump and pregnancy probably because i was blessed with perfect pregnancy and birth, and i would go through it again in a heartbeat, also because i want to have 2-3 more kids by the time i reach 35(which is not very far by the way) just cherish ur time for now because u have a girl and a boy and u feel like ur family is complete..just hold on to this feeling and slowly but surely u will move on:).

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by Mom2boys1980, Jan 04, 2014
You are still so young and so many years ahead to make that decision.

When I got married, hubby and I agreed to 2 kids. My oldest was 20 months old when my second son was born. I suffered from PPD for months. I was alone at home while hubby worked, no one to help me and we only had one income, mortgage and bills to pay.  Times were tough!  We knew 2 was our number. As mothers at some point in life we ached for a daughter and that was me. My husband answer was a big NO.  To him, 2 sons was perfect as it was also for me but I always felt a part of me empty for not having a daughter!
In 2011, we got pregnant PLANNED as he finally had given in. Lucky for me we had a girl 2012.  Today he's one PROUD daddy of a princess. I'm 33 and I'm honestly DONE. We both work, we try to help each other and we are managing well. It's stressful at times, my boys will be 10 & 8 and my daughter 2, so there is a big gap in age and it's hard at some points with 3 kids.  I don't get ME time like I would love to, but wouldn't change it any other way!

If you feel in your heart that 2 is what you can handle and you are financially well then  I say follow your heart. Only you can decide that. Enjoy them now, they do grow up so fast so make lots of memories!

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