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Journal to YOU God!!!

Jan 04, 2014 - 43 comments

Why! Why! Why!! This pain is just to much! To see me Hub who is always my Strength to be so weak and in so much pain is just killing me too. Around Nov 11th 2013 when you received His Dad we where OK with it because he said he wanted to GO..Then on Nov 26th 2013 you received my Step Dad (who raised me) and he was OK..He said he lived a good life. Then my Mom who has been fighting cancer for so long and we thought all was going good, we got the news that she would be lucky to make it 3-6 months. This has all been to much for us. I only have 16 months of clean time..WHY did you not let me have More TIME in. Then you just received my Dog Yesterday Jan 3 2014. This is just killing us right now..The Pain is just too much!! WE can not stop crying. WE have lost SO much Family & Friends in the past.Both lost are little brothers at a young age too. One Loved one right after another just like now. BUT this is the worst I have ever felt. Please hold on to us. Give us a reason..Give us Strength. STOP our Brains from doing the "what if" on my Boy Whiteface. Give us some PEACE PLEASE..I know you can take things and turn it around..BUT what do you want me to do???
All I can think of that it has something to do with Cancer..Now I was wondering if you want us to help or research more for the DOGS or ANIMALS that people LOVE..The message I felt yesterday was about these Fat Tumors he kept getting..The vets kept saying they DO NOT know why..WELL it makes since to me that it all had to do with the Pancreas and that was producing to much insulin. Then it cause the Blood sugar to drop. I did all I could by feeding him small meals every hour and then it was suppose to go further out with the feeding. I thought he was going to be OK..I had such High Hopes and he seemed to be better for about 4 days,,Then he had another sez. I got that one under control and a hour later he had the worst one..He howled and yapped and it was so awful to see..this is just HAUNTING US. He was a fighter. He was our "Happy Boy"..I seen him get worse and more spaced out and depressed as time went bye. I know I did the Right thing by getting him calm with a Valium shot it gave us time to get to the vet where he was so calm then we had him put to sleep..BUT This is just Fking Haunting US. I just prayed so hard to you that SOMETHING would work. God you let me down big time. I have read & read all about this..If this does not turned into sugar that is carried through the blood it can cause all kinds of damage. His Sugar Level could not get up past 30. Up & down no matter what I did. I have put things together and I now do believe in all of my Heart that these Tumors in the past was all do to his Pancreas. The Insulin, Glucose/Sugar All has to do with breaking down Protein & Carbs. WHY did the VETS not figure this out many, many Years ago..we could of removed the first one and he would of been young enough to have Pancreas surgery to remove any tumors..Maybe he did not have any yet..Maybe we could of just feed him meals all though out the day..WE could of did everything different..OMG These tears of pain are just to much.
If you want me to do something then show me more proof so I can share with the Vets and other people who have Animals that are getting these tumors. I know it can also have alot to do with the Liver & Kidneys. But when this is all OK then I think they should do a ultra sound of the Pancreas. Tell the owners to feed there dog small meals thought out the Day..I just know deep in my heart that this is what it was all about from the first small tumor he had when he was young. We have been putting 2 and 2 together as we watch how he had become..Now we can see all the signs and that had been going on..It reached the point where he was falling down and had a glare over his eyes..Like he had moment of not being on earth..The Vets did not figure this out until he went and had a sez..For a while he would just jerk and his head would go up & down.
My Hub and I are going to do some more Life style changes..We are promising this to Whiteface and our Family. We are going to Eat better and stop smoking. Yes NO PILLS OR BOOZE as I am not doing right now. We are planning on moving so we can have a new environment with a new life. We promised our Boy that we will help other Dogs and there owners to do there homework..Get more opinions. Make them do some more intense blood work..Have some ultra sounds. I will try my best to make sure if a Dog gets these Tumors and they say they "DO NOT" know why..They will say the Kidneys and Liver looks good..They can check the sugar levels..I do not trust that..I just know that Tumors are coming from all of this I said..NO ONE will ever tell me different. Any part of the Body that is used to break things down has to be working right or they will store as Fat and turn into these tumors.
I WILL TURN THIS ALL AROUND..I will fight and study all I can..I will pray they can come up with a Med to help. They have some right now but not enough research to bring on a more powerful ones. DIET need to change..We can also heal all of this with DIET..I just feel this in my heart..I know somethings can not be fixed, but I think if we can catch it and control it with Diet it would give us more time. I just do not know for sure..BUT right now I will not give it up. If this info could save one Dog or Animal Then Whiteface died so others can have some more life.
I know I am OUT-OF-MY-MIND right now and worried about my HUB..He is not in good shape right now. PLEASE GOD GIVE US PEACE & COMFORT..TAKE THIS STRESS AWAY..Stress is a very bad danger zone for a Addict..BUT I will keep fighting and not give in. PLEASE>>I BEG YOU TO GIVE ME A SIGN..NO ONE CAN HELP BUT YOU!!!

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4113881 tn?1415850276
by ActingBrandNew, Jan 04, 2014
My Father in heaven, thank you for your mercies and love. Even at this time of pain and disappointment, I know you are with me. I look to you for relieve Lord. Comfort me Lord. Help me to be reminded that it is only natural that life is not a bed of roses. We cannot avoid sicknesses and sufferings that come along. Please help me accept such facts of life.
But thanks be to God, for the reality is that you are with me. I stand on your word that you abide in me as I remain in you. Without you, I will not be able to bear the turmoil. By myself I will stay downcast and burdened by the aches and pains. Help lift me Lord. Most of all help me to remain in you. Thank you that in my pain I have not forgotten your love and mercy. I praise your holy name. Strengthen me dear Lord, my body, soul and spirit. This is my prayer in Jesus name. Amen.

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10


Avatar universal
by Heather8448, Jan 04, 2014
Breathe

4614494 tn?1368356385
by SmilingBright, Jan 04, 2014
That was a beautiful prayer Evan.  Couldn't have said of any better.  Please God strengthen Vic and her hubby while they go through all of these things.   Be still and know that I am God!!!!  Love you Vic. So sorry you are going through so much Vic. Love you

Avatar universal
by Ellen038, Jan 04, 2014
That was a wonderful response E.

Vic we are feeling that same pain right now. My heart goes out to you. I don't have a lot to say right now but I want you to know your family are in my continued prayers. Your pup went to heaven with Oliver yesterday. He's not alone and we will see them again one day. I promise you that.  Please hold onto your strength. By you doing so it's given me the strength to do the same. I'm here if you want to PM.

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by Sonrissa, Jan 04, 2014
Let it out Hon. Don't keep your feelings and emotions inside to build and strengthen. Cry your tears and let them cleanse. I understand how you are feeling. You and Hubby are going to be ok. You will get through this. Lean on us for support and strength. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm praying for your strength and comfort.  Take care of yourself! Hugs!

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by ariley13, Jan 04, 2014
My dear friend, I have no words for you right now, other than I love you and am here to listen.  Prayers and peace to you.

4522800 tn?1470325834
by VICourageous, Jan 04, 2014
Thanks Everybody. Thanks for the Bible Verse..These are the verses I am leaning on..I KNOW THAT OTHERS ARE WORSE OFF THEN WE ARE. I KNOW I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS EXPERIENCED THIS. I HAVE NEVER REACHED OUT BEFORE OR SHOWED MY DIRTY LAUNDRY TO OTHERS..
I FEEL I AM DRIVING EVERYONE NUTS!!!
BUT to the ones that have stuck it out with me this last few months, I am forever GRATEFUL..If anybody is tried of hearing all of my issues right now., then do not come in and reply. It takes me alot of thinking and courage to even let this out on here..This is all going to PASS..It just ALL came in at once like a lighting bolt..AND right when I can not run and hide on any Substances. I know this all will ease up in time..I have been through it many, many, many Times. BUT I always ran to hide on a Substance.
I was looking at all my Pics and my Girl has always been right by her brothers side..EVERYWHERE and ANYWHERE we went. I am keeping a eye on her very closely..My Hub too!!! Thanks so much for the Support and Prayers..I will march on in TIME!!

5347058 tn?1381188426
by ariley13, Jan 04, 2014
I don't think anyone is tired of hearing you talk Vic. I know personally I am very glad to see you journaling, venting, and talking all of this stuff through. You have been through a hell of a lot over the past several months. You are strong, but even the strongest people need outside support at times. We love you and are here for you no matter what. It's an honor Mountain Mama. Love you.

4705307 tn?1447970322
by timothy141, Jan 04, 2014
Vic,
This is such a hard time of year for everybody. I can not speak for anybody but myself. The reason I even began being part of MH was to find compassionate people who may have understanding as to what I was headed into. Very selfish on my part.
You have always in your responses to me have always been positive. And I appreciate those times you have. When I have wanted to give up you have been supportive.
Please don't stop the work you have started, but more importantly please forgive me if I have turned into a negative influence. I am just angry at myself because I am losing sight as to what I had hoped to find, you have people who care about you here.
I have found it to necessary to start going to therapy with a professional in order to continue my journey and find the courage to face the junk I buried from my childhood with drugs and alcohol.
It truly has not been an easy task, and until it is done if it ever truly does get done. You give me hope in your words,      " No booze and no pills". That is a place I returned to after my step son took his life in Nov.. But both MJ and myself are sober now.
Of course we or should I say have to stay focused on what I want out of my life, and in order to be there I need to trust in others who truly seem to care, unfortunately in truth as you said everybody has had a life, and in that there is pain and suffering.
It takes so much trust to open up and deal with it, it seems unbearable.
But the work can and must be done in order to be successful.
I must also remember this is a social media forum and with in it are those who have another agenda. Do I wish that wasn't true? of course I do.

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by meegWpaw, Jan 04, 2014
Ohhh Vickie i am so sorry you are in so much pain and worry for your husband.   you are making me cry.  what a dear, kind soul you are, what a beautiful person.  it IS all going to turn around.  just be good to yourself and your husband as i know you are and take your time to get through all of this in your own time and in whatever way you need to.  let what's on your heart and mind out and don't you worry for a minute about using this arena/outlet too often!  this is here for you, we are here for you Vickie, i love you get in touch with me anytime.  ur Meg-Pie

Avatar universal
by 10356, Jan 04, 2014
My heart goes out too you V and I will pray for that sign you are looking for.. Like you I have lost many many loved ones Mine seem to happen yearly with a couple of breaks here and there. I sit here with kidney failure and you know what ? My parrot Baby is in his sick box He has kidney failure.. a joke on me I guess.. I have had him for 20 years I just told him you have to make it you have too.. But you and I both know that is not true. I do not know why I shared this with you but I just want you to know you are not alone in wondering when is enough enough.. as I said I will pray that you get your sign. with love, lesa

495284 tn?1333894042
by dominosarah, Jan 04, 2014
There was a time when i doubted alot about death with our loved ones.......Someone very important to me told me to sit quietly and you will feel them and i did.  What you are going thru right now reminds me of that time.  Take a deep breath and sit quietly.  The answer may not be there today but it will be~

4522800 tn?1470325834
by VICourageous, Jan 04, 2014
OH!!!
You just do not know how much this means to us!!
I had almost 3 months clean time before I joined MH back in Dec 2012. I have always shared with my Hub how Awesome all of you are. I have told him many individual things and those certain ones that had helped me on here. Either in my Status, Journal or Notes..BUT the big ones came from the personal PMs when I needed to know what was going on.
I am usually over at my Moms on her computer. I have been here at my house on here since yesterday. As my Hub lays on the bed watching football, I keep checking in once in a while. THE POINT IS..That I am reading all of this to my Hub as they come in. He is so Amazed by all of YOU..It has been HELPING him out more then you know. I have never seen him like this and now I know he can see WHY I have stuck it out on here. Never has he read on here except some of the Football. I guess even a person who thinks they can do some things on there own and they do not want to talk about it, can break down too!!!  YOU ARE OUR ANGLES RIGHT NOW!!! Bless you, Bless you and Bless you ALL!!!

PS..Grasshopper I was waiting for you to come in with your wise words..Thanks

Ang..Ellen, Sonrissa, Meg and ALL Others..You seem to always be here..I love you for that.

Lesa..You are the one I think about all the Time. You are one of them that I know you have been to hell & back, but still stay strong..I so admire that in you..

We have Calmed down a bit..Took them Deep Breaths and are trying to keep our mind re-directed. It is my Hub, me and my Summer girl all on the bed relaxing in front of the Tube..It still cuts like a knife now and then if we leave each other alone. SO..Between the Support and the Breaths in between we are a bit at ease..(For right now.).lol

Bless YOU ALL!!!

Avatar universal
by msdelight, Jan 04, 2014
Hi Vic I'm so glad you three are settled in and calming a bit. My prayers (and everyone's ) surround all of you like a great big hug. Courageous family love to all ...

495284 tn?1333894042
by dominosarah, Jan 04, 2014
Hugs to all 3 of you~

Avatar universal
by weaver71, Jan 04, 2014
Being as your Husband is watching this reality TV show, I want to say you have a mighty fine woman there. You done good. There isn't a bigger heart, but you already know that. I'm glad you stopped by to see how amazing recovering addicts are. Your family is being showered with prayers any any support possible, because that's exactly what Vickie does around here. We all do our best, what more can you ask? I think it's the pain and humiliation that humbles us that opens our hearts and minds. Anyway, your wife pulled me out of the fire a few times, thanks for being her biggest supporter, she needs all the help she can get, she sure deserves it.

4113881 tn?1415850276
by ActingBrandNew, Jan 04, 2014
Dear Vic,

I dont think anyone is tired of hearing you express your feelings and your not driving anybody nuts. We love you dearly here and its hard to watch someone we care about so much be in the kind of pain and anguish you are in. Thats good you are reaching out and I hope that you continue to do that. These kind of things can be hard to carry alone so let us help you with the burden. Please keep writing about how you feel so that we can listen and just be there for you. I will continue to pray for you and your hubby in hopes that God will ease some of the hurt. Im so sorry for all the loss that you have experienced and continue to experience. It doesnt matter if someone has it worse or even less...that has nothing to do with you and your pain and how much it means to you. Everybodies situations are different and doesnt mean one is more or less difficult than the other. To each is own and I can literally feel how hurt you are through your words and feel just absolutely awful I cant make it better for you Vic. You are an amazing person with such a beautiful heart and you deserve the utmost happiness life has to offer. Youve fought so hard for your recovery and yet life keeps throwing these rocks at you but regardless of that and the pain they continue to cause....you keep pushing forward! You refuse to give up and you have been such an example through your pain. Im sorry Vic...I truly am! Keep posting and working through this...it will get better! love ya!

3197167 tn?1348968606
by clean_in_ks, Jan 04, 2014
Holding all of you close, Vickie Lee......venting and sharing and getting it out is a GOOD THING....you will never ever...never in a million years drive me or any of us nuts!  I don't see your expressions here as "airing your dirty laundry"....I see it as being vulnerable with the most desperate, aching parts of your soul.  I feel honored that you find any of us worthy of that.  You are truly COURAGEOUS my dear one....your MedHelp name fits you perfectly~

May you all 3 of you nestle in.....share your love and your pain.....and know these experiences are bonding you in a way nothing else can.  I love you with my heart and soul......sweet dreams babe~  


1235186 tn?1656987798
by atthebeach, Jan 04, 2014
Vic we may never know why we go through so much pain and sorrow here.
It seems some of us get hit with more than others.
Death is a part of life and it sure does hurt to lose our loved ones.
Keep the memories close to your heart. I know all these emotions are alot to handle
so close together.  

3 There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
4     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

Sending peace, comfort and prayers,
Debbie


2107676 tn?1388973859
by Pat1956100, Jan 04, 2014
Hi Vic
I know how hard it is to talk or post about losing our loved ones.  I am so glad you are.  Actingbrandnew is so right.  It doesn't matter if someone else has it worse.  This is your pain and it is real.  Don't allow anyone to minimize it.
I hated when people said things to me like "they are in a better place" or "they aren't suffering anymore".  I just wanted them back.
Keep posting and reaching out.  You have many, many friends here and they really seem to "get it".  That is so rare and hard to find in the real world.  
My heart goes out to you and I am truly sorry for everything you are going through.

4522800 tn?1470325834
by VICourageous, Jan 04, 2014
I just Love you all..Each and one of you hit a spot. I felt the Hugs Sarah. Msdelight you make me smile. ABN that was so comforting to hear and made me feel that it is OK to let it out. I used to suffer in my own world before. This is really, really helping. Weaver my Bud you always hit a spot in my Heart too (Always). Debbie..I was so blessed to see you show up..I know that you have a very good spiritual side..This I needed..Just like that verse ABN put up. OH! My Ms Connie Lee you know just what to say all the time..Since we are Soul Sisters..(hahaha) I knew you would have words of comfort..All of you just came in and really said some great, wonderful, comforting words for us to hold on to.

The reason why this has been hard..Is that my Hub & I never had kids..These Dogs became our Kids and we treated them just that way..They were born in our back bedroom. They are very Smart and know just what we are talking about..They would talk back if I ask them too..They have never been on a leash nor did they have to wear collars..Only wore collars when we took them to town as pups. Never been tied up or in a kennel. The only time they went into the 10x10 fence kennel was when they were baby pups and I would tell them that Mommie has to go to work..They would just walk them self's right out to the kennel because they knew in a couple of hours that Daddy would be home. He worked days, I worked nights. They only did this for a month or more until I knew I could leave them alone with out running down the road.They have always had a doggie door to come and go when they pleased..They never left the property..Have lots of room back there to run..They were taught at a young age not to go down to the dirt road. We would take them to the River or Lake every day to play in the water. In the winter we played alot..Whiteface just Loved the snow..He always wants to catch the snow when we were shoveling or getting snow off the trucks. Throw me a snow ball or kick up the snow so I can jump high. It got to the point that we had to take separate vacations to go see family..One of us had to stay with the Dogs..Most of the Time they did go. I guess they had us under there Paw. haha  Spoiled, yes in a lot of ways but they are/were so dedicated to us. I have pics blown up and all over the place. I was looking in some albums and noticed that summer & whiteface were always together. Laying together with us on the bed or out on the pouch.Running out back after critters and always playing when they were pups. I am not sure if Summer really understands yet..She seen and heard him when he had that really bad Sez..The last one that almost killed him right there. She ran out of the room. So we are keeping her close..I have to watch some of my words because I said something that I always said to my Boy and she looked out the door.  Moose my Moms Boy (which is the brother) is walking over and coming in daily. I think they know he was sick and that something is wrong. I sometimes go in the bathroom and break down and cry..I cry off & on with so much pain..I try not to do this around summer..She freaks out or leaves and goes outside. I know this will ease but right now it does cuts like a knife. They say RIP but I look at it like Rip another piece of my Heart out..Hugs
THANK YOU ALL!

PS Timothy I am so sorry about your Step Son..Very painful..

ELLEN..WHAT?? Did he not make it yesterday?? Are we in the same Boat at the same time..Oh man..let me know for sure. I think that is what I understood but I am not to with it up stairs right now..lol

Bless U all my Angels.

1742220 tn?1331356727
by meegWpaw, Jan 05, 2014
just reading the intensity and honesty of your words makes me cry.  your in my heart Vickie, still loving you.   will be thinking about you tonight and sending you all my best.  --Meg-Pie

4522800 tn?1470325834
by VICourageous, Jan 05, 2014
Thanks Pat & Meg..Pat that is so true. Thank you girls for the new words...lol

1551327 tn?1514045867
by Bubulous, Jan 05, 2014
Love you Vic,
A lady had been seeing a psychiatrist for a long time as she grieved the loss of her child due to Leukemia.  She made little progress over the years.  Although the doctor had great empathy, one day he told her that she had to fill the void left by her loss.  She left the office and came back two weeks later.  She sit down and told the doctor "I don't need you anymore".  In shock the doctor asked her what happened.  She said after I left your office last time I went home and spent all night baking cupcakes.  The next morning I took those cupcakes to the cancer ward at the hospital.  I found my purpose in life....making cupcakes.  You have to make cupcakes.
You have made me cupcakes several times and I hope you can keep making them :)

495284 tn?1333894042
by dominosarah, Jan 05, 2014
After i put my old girl down i talked to my other dog and cat.  Some may have thought i was nuts but i knew they were hurting too so we would sit on the couch, i would cry and they would look at me but they understood what i was saying and they knew i was trying to help them also.  I spent extra time playing with them, petting them etc.  It was good therapy for all of us.  There will come a time when you will be able to smile when you think about your boy, i promise~

4522800 tn?1470325834
by VICourageous, Jan 05, 2014
"Cupcakes" How cute!!
Sarah we are trying not to cry around her but she can still feel our pain and knows that we just cried. I talk to her a bit and tell her we have to stay strong and happy..I tell her Bo-Bo (whiteface) was sick and he wants us to stick together. I talk to her alot.She will talk to me if I tell her to talk to Mama.

I was reading all these reply's to Craig last night as they came in. I told him that this is such a Blessing..Right?? He said YES and that WE are a BIG Family. I told him that is where I been for over a Year. I have been with my New Family. He said all of you give way more Support & Prays then the ones in our real world here..We had 2 friends stop by last night and he said it helped..Usually we are hermits at home and have no one over.

It was hard this morning because he came in looking for some of my photo albums and he was crying. I have never in my 28 plus Years seen him so torn down. He is the kind of guy that act's like a Man-Man and Strong..Never would show his Emotions..Kind of holds things in..Just like his dad in some ways. BUT I know it will get a bit easier..It just shocks me how hard this is. Heck we hurt worse then when we lost family.  Speaking of Family..I know my Mom is next..Then we should be at ease for a very long time.."God Willing" If this stress does not kill us first. My real Dad (that I am not close with or was not around growing up) came over the other day and took my Mom shopping and he said she was bad compared to just seeing her last Summer..He said she would be lucky to make it to 6 Months. I do NOT need to hear that..He is Not God..BUT I know I have to face reality..lol
Bless You ALL for your Comfort & Support it has helped Big Time!!! This whole thing has brought us that much closer. Did not know you could get any closer after 28yrs of marriage but even all of you have showed some light on this..lol

I am forever Grateful..lol

Avatar universal
by msdelight, Jan 05, 2014
All things in God's time. Each hurt makes you stronger. Some stuff left to face but accepting that will make it that much easier. So much pain!! Looks like you have a lot of cupcakes to bake young lady!  Much love!

Avatar universal
by katmandu516, Jan 05, 2014
Dear Vic-
I don't think I could ever try to say anything else or better or more than, anyone has already said.  Evan said a beautiful prayer, and I say Amen to that one, and every other comment that was made, I say yes, me too.  Yes, Yes, Yes!!!  You are strong, you have faith in God, you have good intentions when it comes to animal health. You love so dearly and deeply, you are so strong.  And for that I admire you so much.  The bible says that God doesn't give us more than we can handle.....I think you have an awesome breakthrough coming your way!!!  You will get it. I think addicts are such deeply feeling people.  We have been hurt so much and for so long, but we still refuse to use.  We are strong people. Well, that's all my friend, thank you for all you have done for me. I hope I can return the favor someday.
With much love,
Kat

4522800 tn?1470325834
by VICourageous, Jan 05, 2014
THANK YOU!! Yes right now I would trade my Long Ash Detox over this type of pain. I TRY to stay strong because like my Bud FourJays says..If I Use or Drink, it would only be a short term fix with a long time repair..I do not crave the drugs but in the past I would go get Fing drunk. I know there is NOTHING BUT TIME that is going ease this type of pain,,Sometimes I think of a Anxiety pill but that is a NO in my Book..Working with my Dr and being very truthful has helped. I did call a few weeks ago for something..BUT he wants to see me..He said that we made a pack over a year ago not to give me ANY addicting drugs and he is holding on to this..I am so glad..I know we want a fix it right now but only Time can do this. Why should I get more Fuukked up in the Head then I already am right now,,OR Mostly the Heart!!! I still cry the worse I ever had but it is getting further apart. It is my Girl & my Hub that I have to take care of and be Strong for..My Hub is taking this Bad..Never in my Wildest Dreams would I think he could break like this. It is like the Lights are on but no one is Home..He was just amazed by ALL of you out here..He says our own so-called-friends and family have not even showed this much care..Now he gets why I have stuck it out here..He says I have a BIG FAMILY ON HERE..YOU BET WE DO!!! All of you are such a Blessing in Disguise. My Angles that I can not see but you are here..I will never forget any of you that reached out on here during my Times of Troubles..I will be there for each and everyone of you too when the shiiit hits the fan..lol
Bless
I do have some Pics that I put in last year on my Pups. I want to put some more in later..

PS..I keep reading this over a few times to my Hub..It does give us some strength and hope..Hugs to you all!

5347058 tn?1381188426
by ariley13, Jan 05, 2014
Vic, I am sending you a huge hug right now. Please send my love to your husband and give him and your girl a big hug for me. I know all 3 of you are hurting badly right now. I'm glad that you have each other to lean on and I'm glad that you know how much we all care about you.  Like you said, time is the only thing that can heal this kind of thing. It always seems impossible to get through the grief when we lose someone, but we always do. With time, the wounds become less raw and we are left with the love and memories of the person or pet that has passed.  Praying for all 3 of you to find peace and clarity and to cherish the memories you had with your baby boy. Love you.

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by VICourageous, Jan 05, 2014
Thanks Ang..You have always been here for me..I will NEVER forget this. You are more then WELCOME in my house at Anytime!!! lol

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by ricart70, Jan 05, 2014
Vic I have no words but just wanted to tell you that I am thinking about you and I love you and I love your doggys too ;)
Sorry dear friend    Hang in there You are incredibly strong

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by ariley13, Jan 05, 2014
If we ever get within a couple hundred miles of you, I am going to take you up on that! Make Rob drive up there and drop me off for a visit.

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by toothfairie, Jan 05, 2014
Vic I'm so so sorry for the pain and stress you are under....please know I'm praying for you and your hubby...Nothing I can say will make it go away but just know i'm here for you anytime....you're strong and will make it thru this.  love you girl.  Hugs for you and hubby.  

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by VICourageous, Jan 05, 2014
For a LONG Visit..The Summer is so nice..It is so God send..We could hit so many Rivers, Creeks and Lakes all right here and all so close to drive to. I will see you soon..The sooner the better..I am not letting you leave either..hahaha lol

PS..The city Beach is so awesome..It is all grass and then sand down by the lake..It has all kinds of tennis courts and basketball courts and so on..Swings and things for Kids to play on..So we will be a couple of big kids and have a blast..Has lots of places to BBQ too. We can sit under the nice shady place they put up over the BBQ areas. This lake is one of the Biggest Lakes in the US..Hurry!!!!!!

Ricart..Thank You my Dear Friend..All of this should come to a end soon..Just have my Mom who is trucking along..BUT I know it will not be for to long..I will stay strong one more time for her..Then that is it..The next death will be me and I will not be able to let you guys know..OH, but that will not be for a VERY LONG TIME!!! lol

Avatar universal
by katmandu516, Jan 05, 2014
Dear Vic,
I am so glad you are not out getting fu__ing drunk. I would cry if you did. You know, I always believed that there is nothing better to cleanse the soul than a good laugh, or a good cry.  Sometimes we all need both.  My husband also lost it when his 13 year old beloved Chihuahua died of a heart attack in the house. He held that dog, and wailed and cried like you wouldn't believe. He had her cremated and is in a beautiful wooden box on his dresser.  But he hasn't been able yet to put a picture of her on it. I lost my beloved golden retriever after 16 years. She was my best friend ever!  She passed about 10 years ago of old age. But for the life of me, I still can't look at her pictures, I just break down and cry like a baby. You would think after all these years I could put her in a beautiful frame and hang her up in my living room, but I just can't, it still hurts too much. So, like you said, it just takes time, which we all hate to say don't we?  I hope I have been a little tiny bit of help to you.  If you need me for anything, just write, and I will write you back.  Please tell your husband, I hope he feels better.
Always,
Kat

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by VICourageous, Jan 05, 2014
Thanks Toothy..I love you too!! You have been here for me ALL the way..Since that remark.."Darn You need Jesus" I can never forget that..I would like to say it out here to many that come in..lmao..I sure hope you are having a good time with your Baby's..What a Blessing to have New Life for you to watch grow..AND you can leave when you want..lol

Bless U my Friend..One day I am coming to visit..We will pick up Ang, FourJays, and many More..Even the Guys like ABN, Ric, Dig, Weaver, so on..We must pick up Sarah..What would be a party with out our Grasshopper..lol AND with her comes IBK & Debbie and more..OH, the whole gang that I have no room to mention..All of the ones above here that has come in to rescue me..These are my Angles I would like to see and I know you have your special ones too..lol

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by VICourageous, Jan 06, 2014
Thanks Kat..Yes you have been very supportive. My Girl seems to be doing OK so far..I know she knew how sick he was and watch her dad carry him out. My Hub is still having troubles but it seems we are both not crying as much..Just when we see or think of certain things. Ya Kat just like what FourJays told me, her Hub cried hard too and she never seem him that bad. It is certain situation like when he goes to work the dogs run to say so long in the morning and are there to greet him in the evening. That is what is hard for him..For me is not seeing his cute face and big brown eyes look up at me when he was on the pouch on his bed. The crying is getting further apart..There is just moments. This almost killed my Hub he was having a bad time with his health..Taking him to Dr today..I have one too, but I am not going..I am just going to give it Time..I do not want any medications.
I want to thank each and everyone of you who followed through and walked with us.I am sure it is going to be OK or as good as it gets. A piece of Everybody's Heart is missing when we do loose a Loved One..
God Bless U ALL..Thank You, Thank You, Thank You.......

Avatar universal
by Done610, Jan 08, 2014
Vic. You have been in my thoughts and prayers. Please forgive me for not writing sooner. I have no idea what to say. I feel your pain and am so glad that you are sharing and reaching out. You have some wonderful love and support here. I don't do grief well at all !  But I do know that the only way thru is thru. Just keep doing what you are doing. You are an amazing person. You will get through this. Sending you love and hugs from above it all.

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by desderius, Jan 17, 2014
woooow, ryt now i just knocked off from work but in every break i get i just hop onto my computer and read all your journals...it doesnt sound like a real life story, abit more like a movie but this movie seems to be having an end better and greater than the bad sad part...im glad we believe in the Holy one, almighty, king of kings AND lORD OF LORDS, Jesus is a Great Lord and never doubt that rather ask why he is training you this way, what kind of champion is He planning to train u into, Hes a great God and there is none like him and there will never be anyone like him, just worship him with all your tears praise him, but through all this he is somewhere around u but always close enough so that u can reach out to him, every morning his mercy is on u, his Blood was not shed for nothing, he was not broken for nothing, it is for u and i child of God, may the power of the Holy Spirit rest upon u and may his peace fill your heart. i love you, i dont know how but the love of God is in me and i just have to love you. God bless your family, pray very hard for your mom, pray without ceasing!!!

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by Godisfaithful, Jan 17, 2014
Hi. I want to share some audio teachings from Andrew Wommack. I have been listening to them and have been strengthened. There are so many truths in God's Word that we are not aware of. My prayer is you allow your heart to be opened to these teachings and allow God to guide you to what to listen to. They are free and you can download to real player or MP3 on windows media player. Everything we are going through God is here to take it away.

Dear Heavenly Father, I ask for you to touch the hearts of everyone on this forum to hear and receive from You. Don't let them look at their circumstances, but at Your awesome Son and what He did for us. Help them to lean on You for guidance and direction. Let them know You are their Healer and it is already provided. Let them know You are their Deliverer and it has already been provided; All through Your Son. Thank You for opening the eyes of Your people. Thank You for their healing and deliverance. Thank You for being their Salvation. Thank You most of all for Your Son and His Awesome Spirit. Let them know about Your Grace and Mercy. Let them know You love them no matter what. Your Love for us isn't based on what we do or based on any performance. Your Love is unconditional and has no conditions or limits. You loves us so much You sent Your Son. Stir up in our hearts and renew our minds with Your Words. If need be, speak to us in our dreams and keep the enemy away from them. In the Name of Your Awesome Son, JESUS, Amen...

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by Godisfaithful, Jan 17, 2014
Forgot to post the website for Andrew Wommack teachings: http://www.awmi.net/extra/audio.


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by VICourageous, Jan 17, 2014
Thank You so Much Desderius & Godisfaithful..I really needed to hear this today and everyday..Thanks again..I will look that site up...Amen!!!

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