Jan 05, 2014
gah I am so glad I am not involved with some time difference boy. why Meegy? um. idk ... I just am. then like, when he went to bed, it would be like ... hours earlier in my state and ... its like, that would be goodnight.
ohhhhhh I see. good reason.
no, I mean, like, it would be eight o clock here ... and he would be in bed! sleeping! or just ... sleeping ... somewhere. I mean. nevermind
but maybe he would stay up for you. I mean, stay awake.
no. he wouldn't.
oh. then yeah I agree
HI medhelp! how are ya?
I hope everyone is doing ok.
I am starting to question everything. I have been kind of depressed, but only since I got home which was at about six p.m. and that's a good record ... I mean, a lot of good hours right?
Henry Rollins is on. god for someone with his fame he has the most Grating voice! I guess cuz he used to scream his head off so much. I love him tho. and he lives out here
I meant awake. god!
anyways this morning can only be called
and High Holy Hell!
sort of like that
the ac came over. he was ok. he had the huge stack of paperwork. I began to sign everything. I was kind of angry but not like yelling just sort of ... seething? yes. we were talking though. I had put a egg to boil for breakfast and he got up and made it all nice idk how he does that spit he's a good cook and he made it taste good and stuff. it looked nice.
then I like. you know I just got upset. like this house going, and my whole past life going down you know? I started getting tears in my eyes and just. I was getting more and more upset. he said 'why don't you take a break' and I said 'I just want to get it over with!' and then I started to cry so hard I could not see the signatures an spit so I had to stop
I was crying a lot. on the couch. and then he was trying to be all nice. then I went back and finished. signing. it took a long time.
he wanted to touch me, I said no. I realized I should have asked him to go to a store like Starbucks. he asked me 'did you lose weight' and I said "NO" and he said 'your going to turn into a straw.' straw? like hay? or a straw? hm I was wearing this cute tye dye marble blue thermal, long sleeve, I got with MM, and my old jeans. he said that shirt looks nice on you. you look nice.
but I dint get anywhere near him. not in that way. it made me feel weird. you know? like. idk
after he left I was just like 'I have to get out of here.' I was already upset about work yesterday and today it was beginning to just take me over with dread anxiety fear and depresh. so I just. like 'lets go Meegy'
I packed my big laptop in a backpack that is a giant one for like a giant girl and I always feel stupid carrying it but I don't got another one. then I took my ear bud thingies and a notebook and pen and I went on the 101 down to Highland to Wilshire in Miracle Mile and got to Museum Square. once I got to Miracle Mile I felt better
there was some exhibits I aint heard of these old dudes. one is called Calder and another one is Turrell. the Calder was five dollars more and the Turrell was ten so I took the Calder one. first I went to the big new building with three floors that has a escalator that just goes ALL the way to the third floor outside! and you can see the Hollywood sign from it and everything its real pretty but it freaks me out so bad cuz my fear of heights but its coolio so I did it anyway. I always watch the little two year olds going up the escalator laughing while I have a deathgrip on the handrail
then I went to look for the Andy Warhol ... well they took that hole exhibit out!!!! and put in something I forget what it was Yawn Stretch superboring. so then I ax the guard "where is andy warhol' and yeah he said 'well he was in the hop and then someone did something weird and now he's dead' I was like I Know that!!! etc
then I found a few Andies it was in Ahmanson another bldg. it was a pic of Campbells soup can I don't really dig that and then this HUGE like, idk what you'd call it its like silkscreens of what looks like some really violent and horrible scene or crime, and its a million of them on this huge azz canvas. Andy Warhol was cool man. idk why I even like that or why I even like looking at Andy Warhols stuff but still I do. I feel guilty about it bc really it is so ... idk ... its like I guess modernist or constructivist I mean imo not what he is really called anyway ill shut up now
so then. I saw a bunch of other art in various places. the Calder was Mobiles! yes! like all these funky cool mobiles with colors and a lot of theory and form involved, I did not totally dig it I mean I did. but after the first two I was like yeah you seen one mobile you seen em all. sorry Calder. im ignant
finally save the best for last! yes. I went to my beloved Kandinsky and Klee. you know they added some Klee which thrilled the hell out of me, I mean their collection still basically socks, but I love K and K so much that it don't matter. I circled that room taking my time at each painting at least five x. then I left and looked at the Giacometti, right next door, and some Picasso and Leger and stuff ... and I went back to the K and K room. I think I went back there four or so x and each x it was worth it. I also saw some Rothko, and Sam Francis, and Robert Motherwell that I really liked.
Art is exhausting. Art people are exhausting. I have never seen so many ppl at Lacma as I saw today. I guess Sunday is a big day for families and Artistes alike. it was a tough crowd let me tell you. ppl with opinions did not seem to mind sharing them, that is opinions about art. that's always fun to hear.
When I got out of the museum I was like let me find a coffeeshop. but you know medhelp I was SO tired of West L.A. or whatever that is by then. I was all I HAVE to get back to the Valley. and I wanted cigarettes. bad. I know. huh. well I still hardly ever smoke. so instead of getting on the 101 I took Cahuenga and stopped at a gas station and got cigs. Then I went down Ventura until I found a Starbucks I liked. I had been looking for this Star for about a year, I lost it sometime back, so I was glad to find it. And I went in there and put on the earphones and I listened to .... ya James. and then I wrote for a hour. I wrote a story. At least the last paragraph I am very happy with. maybe more. im not sure.
when I got home I just crashed. I was sad. so I went back out to this meeting, but I remembered why I stopped going to this meeting the minute I got there. Mikey was there, he was cool of course, and Nora was nice and Johnny. but the rest are Uptight Stuck Up Prissy Pigs! YA!!!! and I felt so like nervous and anxious that after sitting there for like five, cuz it aint start yet, I got up and left.
then I sat in my car and cried for a while. I considered calling two of you. but I aint. and I was like. everything Socks! I am just alone who cares what Sean said, and I just lost someone I really care about, and I just get divo from someone I sort of cared about, and Chula is in Roadkill Junction, and I have to goto Ktown on the freakin BUS tomorrow and wwmd is not working for me right now!!!! I was so close to calling the ac for some pills, if not V at least clono, bc I Need it ...
but I was like your tough little mama come on drive home
so cold and I have to get up Meegy
ya I know shug
I try not to keep going back there I worry it like a sore thumb
I just come home and be all crying. there someone moving in or out in the hallway so Noisy right outside my door I am like 'help everyone can see me and hear me get away from me'
my life is one big etc
without the et
whatever that means
I just feel low and blue. I know its mainly cuz of work
and how I just sold my freakin house to Morton the Monopoly Hotel Player
how I detest him
he's so pretty
I mean sour in a good way like sour cream
I don't like sour cream. what does it taste like?
yes, like that.
oh. ok. I will try it then! I mean, his mouth.
La Chula got me Hello Kitty bandaids for xmas. the card said 'time heals all wounds'. so I cut my leg shaving. by my ankle. don't you always cut yourself there? I thought so. so I put one of those bandaids there . it's so cute!
I am proud of myself for listening to dope music and writing a story and going to tha museum
so fooey on you, you Bad Men! ptah! I am spitting at you!!!!!!!
and on you.
in the right places.
sorry. I don't mean to be vulgar.