who may be the dad????Please Help

[prettygirl10111]

Hi, please don’t judge but my lmp was nov 5-10. I had unprotected sex with guy A on nov 10 but he pulled out and then i had sex with guy B on nov 15 and he ejaculated in me. I did take a plan B with guy B the next day. On nov 27th i went to the doctor for a uti and i was given a pregnancy test but the test came back negative. On Dec 15th i found out i was pregnant and doctor told me i was a little over 6 weeks(going off my cycle) also putting my due date at august 15th. I then had and u/s on Jan 19 thinking i was 10 weeks and 5 days but the u/s came back i was 11 weeks 6days putting my due date at august 3rd when i asked my doctor about the dates he said i ovulated earlier than i thought. Im now 27 weeks and i been measuring on time my whole pregnancy. I do want to add my cycles are very irregular sometimes really long sometimes short sometimes regular so i have no idea and im so stressed, PLEASE HELP???

[AnnieBrooke]

I'm sorry, but there is no way to know for sure, since the sex was only 5 days apart and pulling out doesn't work, and Plan B has a one-in-eight chance of not working. A couple of the clues you have tend to suggest the first guy, and maybe one suggests the second, but none of the medical evidence is strong enough to guarantee one guy over the other. Do both guys know what happened? If so, could the three of you pitch in to buy a pre-natal DNA test from Ravgen or the DDC? It's a lot cheaper to do a DNA test when the baby comes, but if you could do it earlier everyone would know and could prepare.

[prettygirl10111]

Guy A does know about my situation and has agreed to take a paternity test once the baby is born. Guy B was just a fling kinda situation and we dont get along very well so i rather get guy A tested before even trying to speak to guy B. Especially since when i first found out i was pregnant i had no doubt that it was guy A but when i really started to think about it became confusing who it could possibly be and thank you for responding this is my first time discussing my situation with anyone. Ive been silently dying because my situation is so stressful and i just want a peace/clarity

[AnnieBrooke]

It sounds like a good plan to start by testing with Guy A, then.  But I will caution that only testing with one guy comes with its own set of difficulties, for some women. They begin to think, "What if the test was ... WRONG?!?!" and send themselves down a rabbit hole of worry. This is not because such tests are often wrong, but because fear erases logic. For this reason, I usually recommend testing with both guys, witnessing them swab their cheek right there at the hospital lab and hand the swab over to the technician, right after the baby comes. One test will come out "Yes" and the other will come out "No;" with both men's tests being a cross-check on the other's, you will never have to have any doubt. Talk to your doctor about what it takes to order DNA tests while you're still at the hospital after having your baby.

Whether or not you get along with the second guy, you can enforce him doing a DNA test. If he balks, call the family court's judge's clerk in your area of jurisdiction, and ask what steps you need to take to get a guy to take a DNA test. If they say you need a lawyer, ask if there are any legal clinics associated with local law schools that they can recommend.

If you don't think you will make up any worries for yourself over test results, and if the first guy's test comes out that he's the dad, then you might decide you don't want to bother with the hassle of testing with the second guy. But know yourself -- a lot of women who test with only one guy worry about the question for years, even after a test that shows who is the dad. The baby gets one unfamiliar hair curl or eye color, and the woman freaks out anew. This is more common when the woman is keeping the secret from the first guy that she had sex with the second guy -- you're wise that at least the main guy you want to test knows what happened. But it can happen anyway.
So please do consider testing with both men.

[prettygirl10111]

Okay well thanks for your help and advice

[AnnieBrooke]

Please also remember, no matter who the dad is, you are going to have your wonderful baby to love, try not to let yourself get tied into knots over the question if you can't afford the cost of testing before the baby comes. I hope for you that the guy you want, is the dad.