Like Mother, Like Son?

Question

My husband and I are currently in marriage counselling.  One of the most significant problems I see in our marriage is my mother-in-law's effect on my husband.  Her most recent stunt came after the birth of our first child.  When she was planning her visit to us and our one-week-old son, she became HIGHLY offended when we asked her to stay in a hotel (our house is very small, we were all exhausted, and I was trying to learn how to breastfeed).  Her way of handling her anger was to move from California (near us) to Texas without leaving a forwarding adress or telephone number.  Naturally, my husband was devestated and became extremely depressed (he suffers periodic -- possibly cyclical -- bouts of depression, anyway, but this was much worse) and began taking his anger out on me (verbally, not physically).  After describing this incident along with a litany of others to our psychiatrist, she suspected my mother-in-law suffers from BPD.  Both my husband and his mother fit some (but not all) of the BPD descriptions as posted on your website. My question is this:  what is the likelyhood of his sharing this disorder with his mother, and what is the likelyhood (do you have specific statistical studies?) that he would be able to overcome it (I am hopeful, as he is willing to go to counselling with me and has agreed to take Wellbutrin for his depression, but less hopeful in that he persists in blaming his chronic depression solely on transient stresses like work, money, etc. and does not acknowledge his mother's lifelong contribution)?  I am uncomfortable asking our counselor about this in front of my husband as he becomes angry and defensive if he thinks I'm suggesting he's "sick in the head."

HFHS.MD-AJ · Answer

Meg,

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is characterized by a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and mood, inappropriate and intense anger, chronic feelings of emptiness, and marked impulsive behavior (such as suicidal acts, or substance abuse). People with BPD may also suffer from depression, anxiety, and paranoia. Some research studies suggest that personality disorders such as BPD may have a genetic base, and that psychotherapy may be helpful in managing crises as well as developing long term coping skills. However, I am not aware of any specific data calculated for the risk of "inheriting" BPD, or for the likelihood of "overcoming" the disorder. It seems there are difficulties in communication between yourself and your husband, which can be resolved by marital counselling.

LILLian · Answer

I have read the anwser and that post, but wanted to share with you my two cents worth. Just remember it just that, I do not have am medical degree, but am someone who has been diagnosed with BPD. I came frome the third generation of abused children, like wise I also come from the third generation of BPD. My mother's morhter, my mother and I are all been diagnosed with this disorder. So to say that it is heritary, it hard to say. I have read several articals saying that it might, but in our family I would think so, beacuse I have two other sister who suffer the same thing that I did, and are not. Weather is was because  we were raised the same way, or was it because it was genetic disorder, that will be up to you and your doc. For our family I would have to say it a genetis disorder. 

Again I would like to say that this my oppinion, that is bassed on my view point and exspence. Please do not take this as a professional oppinion.

Like Mother, Like Son?

You are reading content posted in the Depression/Mental Health Forum