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What's wrong with me?????
Two years ago I was dignosed with Depression. This came during a very difficult time in my marriage. I was on medication for most of that time, and have gone off of it about 2 months ago. I also went through counceling for the depression, but much of that time was spent trying to do "one-sided marriage counceling". My councelor was great, but I have since noticed some things about myself that I hadn't really taken notice of before. I have an unrealistic need to be accepted by people and most any form of criticism (even "joking") can send my self-esteem plummeting. My self-esteem isn't that great anyway. I also feel detatched from my feelings quite often. I never seem to know what it is that I'm feeling at any given time, and often I feel very empty inside. I tend to bottle up my feelings (especially hurt and anger), also. I spend a lot of time worrying about other people's reactions to me and the things I do, especially my husband. I find myself doing things I really don't want to do because I can't set boundaries. (This happens mostly with my husband.) Is there a term for this? And if so, what can I do to help myself????
Emmy
Emmy
Dear Emmy,
I am writing to you in hopes of getting some advice. I have been married to my husband for almost two years. We have four children total. 3 from a previous marriage and 1 that is ours. For about the last 5 months my husband will have nothing to do with me. He never wants to go anywhere and will not touch me at all. We are sleeping in seperate rooms. His mother is one of our main problems. She constantly puts me down and he will do nothing to defend me to her. He lets her say anything to me and if I open my mouth to her even to defend myself her yells at me. I have never done anything to her for her not to like me. She purposely does things to start arguements between us. He does not see this of couse. He says it is just my imagination. Lately things are getting worse and I don't know how much more I can take. He has been making me feel like I am just a piece of furniture and that the way I feel is not important. I must admit I am getting to the point that I am ready to give up. I do love him but I need him to pay attention to me and acknowledge that I do have feelings and I am a person. I would move out but he told me there is no way I am taking the baby out of that house to live me. I will not leave without her. Hope you might be able to give me some advise.
Lisa
I am writing to you in hopes of getting some advice. I have been married to my husband for almost two years. We have four children total. 3 from a previous marriage and 1 that is ours. For about the last 5 months my husband will have nothing to do with me. He never wants to go anywhere and will not touch me at all. We are sleeping in seperate rooms. His mother is one of our main problems. She constantly puts me down and he will do nothing to defend me to her. He lets her say anything to me and if I open my mouth to her even to defend myself her yells at me. I have never done anything to her for her not to like me. She purposely does things to start arguements between us. He does not see this of couse. He says it is just my imagination. Lately things are getting worse and I don't know how much more I can take. He has been making me feel like I am just a piece of furniture and that the way I feel is not important. I must admit I am getting to the point that I am ready to give up. I do love him but I need him to pay attention to me and acknowledge that I do have feelings and I am a person. I would move out but he told me there is no way I am taking the baby out of that house to live me. I will not leave without her. Hope you might be able to give me some advise.
Lisa
Dear Emmy,
I am writing to you in hopes of getting some advice. I have been married to my husband for almost two years. We have four children total. 3 from a previous marriage and 1 that is ours. For about the last 5 months my husband will have nothing to do with me. He never wants to go anywhere and will not touch me at all. We are sleeping in seperate rooms. His mother is one of our main problems. She constantly puts me down and he will do nothing to defend me to her. He lets her say anything to me and if I open my mouth to her even to defend myself her yells at me. I have never done anything to her for her not to like me. She purposely does things to start arguements between us. He does not see this of couse. He says it is just my imagination. Lately things are getting worse and I don't know how much more I can take. He has been making me feel like I am just a piece of furniture and that the way I feel is not important. I must admit I am getting to the point that I am ready to give up. I do love him but I need him to pay attention to me and acknowledge that I do have feelings and I am a person. I would move out but he told me there is no way I am taking the baby out of that house to live me. I will not leave without her. Hope you might be able to give me some advise.
Lisa
I am writing to you in hopes of getting some advice. I have been married to my husband for almost two years. We have four children total. 3 from a previous marriage and 1 that is ours. For about the last 5 months my husband will have nothing to do with me. He never wants to go anywhere and will not touch me at all. We are sleeping in seperate rooms. His mother is one of our main problems. She constantly puts me down and he will do nothing to defend me to her. He lets her say anything to me and if I open my mouth to her even to defend myself her yells at me. I have never done anything to her for her not to like me. She purposely does things to start arguements between us. He does not see this of couse. He says it is just my imagination. Lately things are getting worse and I don't know how much more I can take. He has been making me feel like I am just a piece of furniture and that the way I feel is not important. I must admit I am getting to the point that I am ready to give up. I do love him but I need him to pay attention to me and acknowledge that I do have feelings and I am a person. I would move out but he told me there is no way I am taking the baby out of that house to live me. I will not leave without her. Hope you might be able to give me some advise.
Lisa
Dear Emmy,
Your feelings of emptiness and low self esteem are caused by you. Have you ever analyed your tought process. In other words what you are telling yourself when you start feeling empty and with low self-esteem. I can almost hear you say "I need to be perfect so my marriage can work. Nobody loves me. etc......
All these are irrational beliefs (lies) we tell ourselves. Perfection is horrible. Nobody is perfect and its great to be a fallible human being. Try changing your thoughts from negative one to positive ones. You will notice how your feelings and actions/behaviors will change too.
Ask yourself what you what? What do you what? Happiness maybe. Well, figure it out and work towards it. Try self esteem excercise. For instance, compliment yourself, be your own cheer crowd. If you don't do it for yourself no one else will. Accept things for what they are instead of trying to change them. For instance, your husband. He may have some qualities that you may hate. Accept them and instead of trying to "fix" them try to influence change and not by criticism.
Remember, you the tools necessary to may yourself happy and you have choices, explore them. For instance, stay in a situation and be miserable or stay and influence change or leave the situation etc..... Good luck.
P.S. Work on your expectations. i.e don't expect your husband to know what you need/what, tell him. Challenge your irrational belifes.
Best Wishes,
Elizabeth P. M.Ed.
Your feelings of emptiness and low self esteem are caused by you. Have you ever analyed your tought process. In other words what you are telling yourself when you start feeling empty and with low self-esteem. I can almost hear you say "I need to be perfect so my marriage can work. Nobody loves me. etc......
All these are irrational beliefs (lies) we tell ourselves. Perfection is horrible. Nobody is perfect and its great to be a fallible human being. Try changing your thoughts from negative one to positive ones. You will notice how your feelings and actions/behaviors will change too.
Ask yourself what you what? What do you what? Happiness maybe. Well, figure it out and work towards it. Try self esteem excercise. For instance, compliment yourself, be your own cheer crowd. If you don't do it for yourself no one else will. Accept things for what they are instead of trying to change them. For instance, your husband. He may have some qualities that you may hate. Accept them and instead of trying to "fix" them try to influence change and not by criticism.
Remember, you the tools necessary to may yourself happy and you have choices, explore them. For instance, stay in a situation and be miserable or stay and influence change or leave the situation etc..... Good luck.
P.S. Work on your expectations. i.e don't expect your husband to know what you need/what, tell him. Challenge your irrational belifes.
Best Wishes,
Elizabeth P. M.Ed.
Emmy,
You describe marital difficulties, low self-esteem, and feelings of emptiness, which may all be related to your diagnosis of depression. There is a term called alexithymia, which refers to a person's inability to or difficulty in describing or being aware of their emotions or mood. This would probably not be an appropriate term for your situation, as you appear to have experienced some sadness or feelings of emptiness at some time or the other.
You also report reluctance in being involved with people unless certain of being liked, preoccupation with being criticized, feelings of inadequacy, and difficulty setting limits, all of which may suggest an Avoidant or Dependent Personality Disorder.
Treatment for all these are available, by medications and/or psychotherapy. I urge you to seek help from a mental health professional.
You describe marital difficulties, low self-esteem, and feelings of emptiness, which may all be related to your diagnosis of depression. There is a term called alexithymia, which refers to a person's inability to or difficulty in describing or being aware of their emotions or mood. This would probably not be an appropriate term for your situation, as you appear to have experienced some sadness or feelings of emptiness at some time or the other.
You also report reluctance in being involved with people unless certain of being liked, preoccupation with being criticized, feelings of inadequacy, and difficulty setting limits, all of which may suggest an Avoidant or Dependent Personality Disorder.
Treatment for all these are available, by medications and/or psychotherapy. I urge you to seek help from a mental health professional.
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