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Tellme here with update - needs some thoughts on my CT Results
Hi Guys,sorry have been keeping quiet, collecting my thoughts. Need some thoughts from you. Had a long appointment with an assigned Cancer Nurse Specialist. The results of my first CT Scan said I have "an 8.4cm x 8.2cm inhomogenous mass with a rim of heavy calcification and central necrosis occupying the posterior portion of the pelvis and abutting the rectum. The mass actually pushes the rectum to the lateral side. Highly suggestive of tumour recurrence from previous gynacological malignancy". As you know at my consultation last week they told me they are convinced it is cancer because of the high tumour marker, the symptoms, history and the scan. Had a second CT and and MRI scan on monday to check if it has spread and also to see exactly where it is positioned. Have a consultation on Monday with the gyny oncology team. Have been transferred by the 'rapid access' clinic to Hammersmith Hospital which is a research hospital and apparently one of the best in the UK and the main consultant is also meant to be one of the best in the field of ovarian cancer treatment. I am staying positive and do not feel I have 'cancer' but if it has returned I am ready ( as I can be). Yes I am going with the thought and belief that this is a benign tumour. They did talk then about surgery, and chemo if it is cancer. I am going to hold fast till monday when they will explain all and also outline their course of action. They are talking surgery within two weeks. Am I a fool to think he way I am thinking my approach of - 'mind over matter will make a change'. (Words out loud.)
Dian, You are just such a dear, incredible person. I knew you would react like that.
Isn't this site amazing? It is a gift. Thank you to whoever thought of it and keeps it going! Even though I haven't seen your faces, I just have such a strong sense of all your little energies out there in the universe. I worry and pray for and think about each and every lady (and a few dudes!)that drops by. I worry about the ones who stop posting too, darn it.
Tellme, what a spirit you have. I salute you and your bravery.
At least you gals are not sleep walking through your life.
I for one sure am more aware of what is going on around me now, if that makes any sense at all.
We are here for you too Dian. What a journey life is. I am not on the ovca side, but my heart is with you both. I wish I could do something to help you both.
Love, Katie
PS in Psalm 91 there is a line about God covering and protecting you with his feathers. I love the visual.
Isn't this site amazing? It is a gift. Thank you to whoever thought of it and keeps it going! Even though I haven't seen your faces, I just have such a strong sense of all your little energies out there in the universe. I worry and pray for and think about each and every lady (and a few dudes!)that drops by. I worry about the ones who stop posting too, darn it.
Tellme, what a spirit you have. I salute you and your bravery.
At least you gals are not sleep walking through your life.
I for one sure am more aware of what is going on around me now, if that makes any sense at all.
We are here for you too Dian. What a journey life is. I am not on the ovca side, but my heart is with you both. I wish I could do something to help you both.
Love, Katie
PS in Psalm 91 there is a line about God covering and protecting you with his feathers. I love the visual.
Please do not apologise. I prefer people to be honest and genuine. I know you have been through a very difficult time and I think when you read what someone else is going through, it brings it ALL back again, almost like reliving it again. I feel I have stepped out of my body too and have put all on hold - waiting....waiting....waiting. But this waiting also helps you mentally prepare. I think I would panic if it happened too quickly - I need time to digest. Please do not feel bad, I thank you very much for your very kind caring words and concern. Thank you to you all for ALL your time and concern and words of care. Much love & peace.
So glad you wrote. Your attitude is incredible. I have visited London several times (relatives there) and since I read your first post, when I go to sleep I think about you, visualize you there and say a prayer for you. I hope that doesn't sound weird, but your posts just touched me deeply. They remind me that my lousy treatment here in Canada by doctors is nothing compared to what you are going through. Take care.
Love and prayers, Katie
Love and prayers, Katie
Thank you so much for responding. I REALLY needed the comforting words of my dear caring friends. I am staying as optimistic as I possibly can - but it is hard when the facts are not there. And I rely on HARD facts. The cancer nurse specialist did say that it is rare for the cancer to return after so long. I have literally shelved my thoughts on what this is, almost like putting woolly jumpers away until it gets cold??! (What an analogy!). Its like hanging on the end of a string....swinging around... not just for me but for my hubby and family and friends. I am praying and thank you all for praying for me and all your well wishes and such very kind thoughts... I am truly fortunate to have so many caring people...My biggest prayer is that it has NOT spread and the rest I will deal with as I have done before. I remember when I went through this the first time I told my self that I knew I could never ever go through that again...i felt it mustered up ALL the strength and I ever had... but all these years later... i am preparing myself again. Sorry to go on... but it is again 'words out loud'. I must turn this negative into a positive.
Thank you so much for responding. I REALLY needed the comforting words of my dear caring friends. I am staying as optimistic as I possibly can - but it is hard when the facts are not there. And I rely on HARD facts. The cancer nurse specialist did say that it is rare for the cancer to return after so long. I have literally shelved my thoughts on what this is, almost like putting woolly jumpers away until it gets cold??! (What an analogy!). Its like hanging on the end of a string....swinging around... not just for me but for my hubby and family and friends. I am praying and thank you all for praying for me and all your well wishes and such very kind thoughts... I am truly fortunate to have so many caring people...My biggest prayer is that it has NOT spread and the rest I will deal with as I have done before. I remember when I went through this the first time I told my self that I knew I could never ever go through that again...i felt it mustered up ALL the strength and I ever had... but all these years later... i am preparing myself again. Sorry to go on... but it is again 'words out loud'. I must turn this negative into a positive.
Hi Tellme.
Don't know you very well and I've not been around long enough to know your past history, but you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Love, hugs and God bless, Barb
Don't know you very well and I've not been around long enough to know your past history, but you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Love, hugs and God bless, Barb
I think that your possitive attitude is vital! We all need to think that way, otherwise it will get us. You are truly an inspiration to everyone. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Godspeed
~Tascha
~Tascha
So glad to hear from you tellme - like others I was wondering how you were getting on. So pleased you are being treated by a top team at The Hammersmith. You have a very strong attitude which I'm sure will keep you going even at your blackest moments. You cracked it last time unlike many women - think on that. I'll be thinking of you next week and sending positive thoughts. best wishes, jenny
It is amazing the effect of all your kind words are having on me and doing for me...I feel truly grateful and empowered. Just something I didn't mentioned is that when I was first starting on this journey of discovering my fate and destiny with cancer, I was suffering with diahhorea, then bloating, very bad pains in my stomach and back and also tiredness. I have found all these symptoms have now gone and I am not suffering from anything except the odd twinge. This is the most perplexing thing for me - especially having been told I have cancer. So this is one of the reasons I truly believe I don't have it. Mind over matter?
Just wishing you all the best with everything. I too am praying for you! I'm envisaging no spread and channelling all my thoughts into this thing being benign.
I cannot even talk right now; I am so confused, bewildered, heart sick........I think I am actually in a state of shock and disbelief. After all......I am the one on the other side of the looking glass.....not you.
I will come back to talk later; but right now I need to go to a corner and lick my wounds.......now I know what people on the outside of the looking glass feel.
So sorry to let you down at a time like this......I don't know....I just wanted you to have your health.....I know we all did; and do....I don't know what is wrong with me, but I am talking from my heart to you.
Yeah....I know all that stuff about how important it is to be positive, strong and optimistic.....and, I know you can and will beat this...I just didn't want you to go through this nightmare again.
Listen to me whine....I want you better; and I don't want you to go through hell to get there.
Please stay positive....know we all love you.....we are all here whenever you want or need us to be.
In your silence, I wish you nothing but Peace. Later.
dian
I will come back to talk later; but right now I need to go to a corner and lick my wounds.......now I know what people on the outside of the looking glass feel.
So sorry to let you down at a time like this......I don't know....I just wanted you to have your health.....I know we all did; and do....I don't know what is wrong with me, but I am talking from my heart to you.
Yeah....I know all that stuff about how important it is to be positive, strong and optimistic.....and, I know you can and will beat this...I just didn't want you to go through this nightmare again.
Listen to me whine....I want you better; and I don't want you to go through hell to get there.
Please stay positive....know we all love you.....we are all here whenever you want or need us to be.
In your silence, I wish you nothing but Peace. Later.
dian
I've been waiting for you to post! Your story of beating ovarian cancer so long ago has embedded itself in my memory (no small feat)and I've been anxious to find out what's going on with you. First, it's wonderful news that they've put you on the fast track with top doctors. You deserve the best!
ARe you wrong to believe it's benign? Tellme, if you're wrong - we're ALL wrong. How can you not hope for that? You're a strong woman with hopes and fears like everyone. I'm rooting for it to be benign for you, also. I've read SO MANY stories about cancer survivors. Doctors have to fear the worst when they see a mass,
especially if you've had cancer. BUT it doesn't mean that you still aren't susceptible to all of those big, stupid, nasty, benign masses that are out there. You have been cancer free for so many years - I would think that is definitely on your side. Yes, the chance is there for it to be malignant, but even if it is, there are new combination chemos that you never had. I would think that's on your side too, as your body should react to them quickly. I think you have SO MUCH in your favor, your strength is number one. You have been in my prayers every night. Whatever this thing is, it's gotta go! Get the darn thing out of you so life can move on. No matter what it turns out to be, my friend, I think you're going to live to be 90.
Robin
ARe you wrong to believe it's benign? Tellme, if you're wrong - we're ALL wrong. How can you not hope for that? You're a strong woman with hopes and fears like everyone. I'm rooting for it to be benign for you, also. I've read SO MANY stories about cancer survivors. Doctors have to fear the worst when they see a mass,
especially if you've had cancer. BUT it doesn't mean that you still aren't susceptible to all of those big, stupid, nasty, benign masses that are out there. You have been cancer free for so many years - I would think that is definitely on your side. Yes, the chance is there for it to be malignant, but even if it is, there are new combination chemos that you never had. I would think that's on your side too, as your body should react to them quickly. I think you have SO MUCH in your favor, your strength is number one. You have been in my prayers every night. Whatever this thing is, it's gotta go! Get the darn thing out of you so life can move on. No matter what it turns out to be, my friend, I think you're going to live to be 90.
Robin
I feel that you have to be optimistic no matter what. Attitude is everything-will it change what is already there, probably not, but it will help you thru the tough times easier and with the healing process. The fact that it has not produced any ascites(fluid) around the mass is a good sign. It usually means that it has not been there very long. We will all be here to listen and cheer you on along the way.
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