I have thought about you both and am glad you are both surviving, albeit roughly at the moment.  Whan my brother died, I wanted to scream at the world and everyone it it because it didn't stop and take note that someone very important has been lost.  So I just wanted to say I understand and I am very sorry for your loss of two wonderful people.  Take care.

My dad is keeping himself busy i think in his garage tinkering around, or emptying the house.  He keeps removing things like curtains and giving the cushions away cos he says they are too fussy, bloody house will be bare at this rate!! He keeps bringing odments of her stuff down to me, most of her clothes were cleared out about two weeks after her death, it seems he just wants rid of everything perhaps its too painful for him. hope  the passing of your dad's anniversary doesnt upset you all again but im sure it will,Im guessing he was a similar age to your mum so he too has gone early, yes you are right life is s--t
at the moment and probably will be for some time.  i keep thinking if only we,d done this or tried this then she might still be here, when i read of the other women on the forum especially in US they all seem to catch it early or respond to treatment and many at least manage a short break in remission i cant understand why a different chemo wasnt tried sooner if one wasnt responding, i know it is no use now asking the whys and if onlys but i still wonder dont you? take care xxxx

hi good to hear your back at work at least it gives you something else to focus on. i just feel so lost, empty, lonely and very sad. just like you said somethings been spoilt and it will never be the same again, its an awful feeling isnt it?
the kids arent too bad, how are yours? life is just going on for everybody else and you want it all to stop dont you? how is your dad? it was my dads 1st anniversary of his passing yesterday, so that wasnt very nice, but then every day is s...t at the moment. love to you all kaz xx

hi i have gone back to work on Monday it was great to see everyone and to have a laugh.  I am ok while i am busy but when i am not eg driving and the mind can wander i get upset in fact im in tears most days on the way to work, i think it is because i am doing my normal things and normally she would be here and it seems so strange i still cant believe it.  It feels as if something has been spoilt and ruined and wont ever be the same again and i suppose it wont be .  I am told this is how it is , my friend lost her mum 20 years ago and she says she still feels like that, great !!!!  Anyway enough of me how are you are you all coping, you've all had a double loss to deal with, how are your kid(s) taking it?  i suppose you have lots of sorting out to do, I still visit the forum regularly and note how people are doing and get very disheartened when someone bears those distressing signals it is heartbreaking.