Taking Items

[khogan]

I have a 7-year old boy who we are adopting this March 2012. He is a sweet kid who came from a physical and sexual abusive background. Lately, he has been taking things off my desk and hiding them in his bed, e.g. iPhone, MP3 player, etc. Also, he gets up at night and gets food he will eat in bed even though we have repeatedly told him no eating in bed, only in the kitchen. His therapist states that physiologically he is about 3-years old. How do I manage these behaviors? Any suggestions? Thank you, Ken

[specialmom]

Oh, I think tshock has give some excellent thoughts and advice.  It does sound like it is a child in survival mode.  Bless you for saving a child.  bless you.  

[tschock]

Congratulations!! To you AND him!!


From what you've said it sounds like he's very insecure as well.

My third oldest did this when his father and I divorced.
Sadly he still eats in bed...he waits until everyone is asleep and then he raids the fridge...he is also obese now.
He had chosen to stay with his father, and my ex would not let him receive the help he needed. He told the psychiatrist that HIS son didn't have a problem.
My son suffered from severe separation anxiety...and we were told that he does these things because of this...in part.
He eats because he wants to be fat!  He was sexually abused by his much older step-cousin when he was 5, and then at the age of 7 we had problems with another male child in school who would "touch" him and try to kiss him all the time. We had to pull him out of that school as they could do nothing with the other boy and his parents.
He's almost 17 now...and he still wants to" be fat" so that no one else will ever touch him again.
Very sad indeed.

A young man that lives near us went through a nasty home life as well...until he was taken away from his parents.
His new parents say that he hoards food in his room as well. He's been to see the child psychiatrist many times, and they've ascertained that he does it because he feels that he needs to...in case the new mom and dad don't feed him...and also because he might need to "run away" and he'll need the food and items for that. It took them 3 years to get it out of him.

In both cases, all involved were told to "destroy the insecurities".
You need to find a way to get him to open up. Gently ask him why he does what he does. He may not know why, so don't get upset or frustrated.
Show him in whatever way possible that he's there to stay, and that you love him. Show him that you are there to protect him.
He may be taking the food to bed for several reasons as well.
It may be that he's not eating enough at meal times/has stomach problems that prevent him from feeling full. OR it may also be that he's doing it because you've asked him not to...and he's pulling your strings...to see exactly how far he can push you.
Perhaps ask him why he does it first...if he gives an answer then deal with it accordingly. If he does not answer then try to get it out of him with sweet talk...the next step would be discipline.
If his therapist says he's "three" then treat him as if he really were a three year old.
Put him on a chair ( or whatever you have decided to use as "punishment") every time you find something of yours in his room, or when he eats in there. I would consult with the therapist before doing that though...or you may "drive him away".
There's always a reason why kids do things...you just need to find out why.
Have you told his therapist that he's doing these things?
What do you know of the "others"? Did they ever buy him things that were just his? Did he have to share everything? Did he have anything?
Was he undernourished when he was taken from his home?
There are so many things that you need to know to be able to help him through this. Just knowing his past is your best answer in knowing how to deal with him.
You need to deal with him the exact opposite of how he was dealt with before.
Poor little munchkin. My heart aches for him.
Wishing you all a speedy recovery.