I have a problem with my 14 year old step son. That is staying with us from the beginning of 2011. He is a constant liar, and I dont know how to handle him. I need some help. And to make things worse, he mastrubates everyday. WHAT CAN I DO???
My thoughts are:
He is testing you. The surroundings are new to him and the rules are too, I'm sure. You need to be firm (but gentle) and set boundries now. He is at a really tough age, did he switch schools too? Also, you and your husband need to be on the same page about everything, including discipline. I think that if you give him boundries, set rules and make consequences, just be sure to follow through with them. Give him lots of love and lots of prayers and patience your way!
As far as the lying goes I think you all need to sit down as a family and have a talk about how it is important it is to you as a family that everyone is honest, if he is staying with you he needs to feel part of the family but also has to abide by the family rules. Kelly is right in saying boundaries need to be set now and I think they are really important when a child has something like ADHD to cope with too As for the masturbating....well he is a 14 year old boy and I would think this is pretty common. So long as he is doing this privately then that is really his business.
My daughter has had ADHD since she was 5 now that she is 8 it has gotten worse to the point where you have to hide the scissors so she won't cut her self and she is on adderall xr 20mg what should I do
Well the lying may be a possible concern, if he does it constantly, but some degree of lying at his age is not unusual.
As for the masturbation, how do you know this? I hope its not from intruding on his privacy. If he is doing it around others or not being discreet though then that IS a problem. Masturbating this much at 14 is entirely normal, and long as he is doing privately, is frankly none of your business.
My son has ADHD as well and I deal with "lying" on a daily/hourly basis. A lot of times he just blurts out something so that I will stop asking him questions. When I discover the answer is a lie and confront him, he shows remorse for not telling the truth but doesn't show any signs of malice. It's extremely frustrating to constantly be checking behind him with homework, household chores, even brushing his teeth, but I have to double check EVERYTHING he does to make sure he follows through with the task. What I find most of the time is that he has gotten distracted from the time I give him the instructions to actually executing the task and mostly forgets that he was supposed to be doing something. I think you should take that lying situation and to the best that you can make it a learning situation. Point out the lie and make sure that the consequences are immediate. A long-term punishment won't really work for a child who only lives in the moment and isn't capable of thinking through a situation to visualize the potential outcome.
Very good answer. Only place that I am slightly in disagreement is that lying is very common for ADHD (especially as the child ages). I would not punish for lying. I would deal with what lead to the lie, and work to resolve that problem.
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