ADHD? help

[LisJ]

I have a 3 yr old son who is has and extremely overactive imagination, bounces off the walls 24/7, doesn't listen, doesn't pay attention, and likes to run, hit, and makes messes of everything.  He is such a smart kid, knows how to count, knows his abc's, talks with a huge vocabulary(as far as i am concerned) and does really well in daycare/preschool.  As long as he is 100% occupied and someone is giving him 100% of their attention he is fine. However, if you dont give him your undivided attention he is all over the place. He will whine and cry and yell until he gets his way.  He wakes up at least 4 times a night and sometimes i can't get him to sleep until 11 or 12 and bedtime is at 830. He doesn't take naps during the day anymore. He barely eats anything so I'm not sure where his energy comes from! I'm just at a loss of what to do. I try to stay on a routine but with little sleep at night its getting hard. I have a 9 month old as well that wakes up about 6 times so I run on very little sleep everyday. Could this be ADHD? Or is it just the age?

[margypops]

Great input from allmymarbles, your son sounds like a normal noisy active child,  there is a good book out there called SOS Help For Parents by Lyn Clarke..it could be that you are feeding into the night time issues,put him to bed then dont go in all the time, let him yell it wont hurt once he knows you are not feeding into it he'll give up.Let him whine and yell, dont give in once you do that you are enabling the behavior, by the way tantrums are a normal part of childhood development frustration. Over reacting is making the problem worse ..Godd luck

[allmymarbles]

As an addendum to my last comment: There is a fad of drugging children to make the lives of all those around them easier. I don't see this as responsible parenthood, and it is certainly not in the best interests of the children. Our duties as mothers is to teach our little ones acceptable behavior. I have a batch of children and grandchildren. I have found that if you are careful and patient in raising the eldest, those that follow take his lead and your job is much easier.

[allmymarbles]

First of all, keep in mind that he is only three years old. It takes a while for some children to settle down. Also you appear to be making one big mistake. He demands all your attention and, ito keep him from throwing tantrums, you give it. You are, in effect, teaching him to throw tantrums.

Some children are very active. There are nursery schools for children his age. My granddaughter, also three and also very active, goes to one and loves it.

[specialmom]

Hi---  I'm tired just reading your post!!  I have two active sons who are 15 months apart.  They are what I lovingly describe as maniacs.  They can go and go and go.  They are now 4 and 5 and it does get a little easier.  Your family has had a lot to deal with the past 9 months and he may be feeling that.

First, does your son take a nap?  I would eliminate that completely if he still does.  I agree that I'd get him up a bit earlier to drill down the bed time.  I'd do the whole warm bath thing, soft music (no energizing games or tv), low lights.  I'd also try this----  deep pressure.  This relaxes some kids and I'm guessing your son will like it.  You can put him on your lap (I do it in a rocking chair) and hug him to your chest closely.  Another way is to have him lay face down on the ground and put large pillows (couch) on top of him and gently press.  This can be done with an exercise ball too (we call this steam roller).  It is very soothing for some kids.  (of course, if you try it and your son doesn't like it---- stop immediately.)  I'd get some white noise going (fan works well) to make sure noises don't wake him (even baby sibling . . .).  

As far as his energy, my suggestion is to get out of the house.  Where you say?  Well, right after school--- take him to a park.  Your little one poses a problem for getting out but you can stroll right into a park with baby and your 3 year old.  Then encourage him to run like a madman.  As he gets older and older doing this, he will meet other mad men there that will run with him.  Get him in an instruction sports class or league where someone else is running him.  Swimming lessons are great.  Any type of physical activity will help with the energy.  

Also, look for a mommies helper around you.  Any neighbors who have a child who is 10 to 13 years old would be great.  They could come over in the afternoon after school and run your son around and entertain him.  They cost lots less than a babysitter---  about 3 dollars an hour.  And usually the mommies helper and kids both love it.  You sit inside with the baby watching out the window while mh and your son play tag.  

I wish you luck.  These are hard years!

[LisJ]

we read 2-3 books a night, i sing to him, and rub his head just like he likes i lay him down and go to bed, EVERY NIGHT, just like clockwork, about 20 mins after we finish our routine he gets up and starts playing so then we start it all over again. for awhile i was letting him watch tv until he fell asleep because i couldnt think of anything else but then his bedtime kept getting later and later! yes e usually does sleep in until about 9 but does wake up at about 7 2 or 3 days a week!   we have had several changes in the past 9 months, my husband was deployed, we had a new baby, we moved, and then daddy came back home. I have been chalking it up all of the changes for the last 9 months! I just wish I could keep him busy and help him! but I'm running out of options... thank you so much for responding!

[Sandman2]

Oh, and do post in the child behavior forum.  They have a lot of parents with young kids who maybe can give you some ideas.  This is what you need for the next year or so.

[Sandman2]

   First thought is what time does he wake up in the morning?  If he gets to sleep in (and I can certainly understand why you would want him to), then that changes his night time hours.  If he does get up at 6 or 7 and goes to bed at 11 or so - Wow.
   Standard practice is to get him up earlier.  Put him to bed, read to him for awhile and lights out.
    You do have a new little one and thus your 3 year old is getting less attention which could be a factor.  I would talk with his preschool and see what they do with him, it may give you some ideas.  It sounds like he needs a place to burn off energy when he gets home and that's tough to come up with.  Is staying at preschool longer an option?
    And yes, it is possible it could be ADHD, but it also could be a lot of things coming together.  I would work on the night time hours first.  Hopefully other members will chime in with ways to keep an active 3 year old active without you having to be there every second.