Hitting in Pre School.

[EVANIQUE]

Hi, my son is 3 years and 10 months old. He started pre school when he turned 3, 6 weeks after his baby brother was born. He is creative and is quite bricght at times but sometimes has difficulties communicating. He often finds it difficult to follow insructions like go upstairs and put your pjs on. I'll find that he's taken off 1 shoe then started playing with his toys. Often I haveto tell him many times and end up shouting. If im trying to explain where something is, he finds it very hard to process the imfo. I don't know how normal this is for his age...maybee im expecting too much??

I'm more concerned about his behavour in pre school. Every so often he lashes out, shouting, throwing and repeatedly hitting children and teachers. It happens about every 6 weeks. His teachers seem to think the problem is at home but he is never violent at home except for a the odd tantrum (no hitting etc). He has never hit his brother or cousins. I am very firm with him at home and would never tollerate that kind of behavour.

I am inclined to believe that the lack of dicipline at pre school has led my son to believe he can do what he wants there. I punish him when we get home by taking away toys and fun time with daddy untill he can behave at school for a week. I talk to him about how hitting is wrong and he always knows what he's done wrong. I can't get out of him why he does it but he has said he wanted to be naughty!

Does my son have a disorder? I feel like im being blamed but if i'm not there when it happens, what more can i do to stop this behavour?

Any suggestions or comments would be appreciated.
Thanks

[EVANIQUE]

Thank you for your feedback. I have ordered the book you suggested, I've heared good things about it. I also looked into sensory processing disorder and heavy work. I don't think my son had a disorder as these problems dont effect all aspects of his life. I will keep an eye on it though, wait and see like you said.

My son already has a trampoline and he loves it, we also tried some of the other excersises you suggested which he also enjoyed. I hope to sart him with swimming lessons soon.

You are totally right about the shouting (and spanking to boot). It's much better to lead by example. Its gonna be hard but im gonna try and stay calm for his sake.

I'm really hoping his behavour will get better not worse when he progresses to full time school in september. Maybee a little more structure in the classroom will do him good.

Thanks for your comments, benjimom also, I will take them all on board.

[benjimom]

Yes, please don't feel it's all your fault, you can't control your children even at home.  YOu can discipline, but kids like everyone else are their own agents (unfortunately).    I wonder if he gets overwhelmed with the classroom and that is his way of saying I'm overwhelmed when he hits other children.  

Do look into the sensory component like Specialmom suggested above. It's hard to be a parent, sometimes, we feel beat up all over!!

[specialmom]

Hi,  a couple of things.  First of all, your boy is very young.  He's learning boundaries and he IS supposed to test them.  He started school at a vulnerable time and sometimes kids can feel jealous of a new sibling.  So, I'm sure some of that factors into it.

You used a word that tells me a LOT.  Processing.  My son has sensory integration disorder which is also called sensory processing disorder.  It involves the nervous system and how the brain receives and sends messages.  There are a number of areas that can be affected by sensory issues------- motor planning is a big one.  The brain has to take info in, organize it so it can understand it, then send out the signal for the rest of the motor system to respond.  It would be one reason why following directions is hard.  It would also account for when your son has trouble saying what he wants to say as well.  My son is coordinated and clumsy at the same time.  Using something for the first time like scissors was difficult.  He tends to avoid something that is hard . . . didn't like to color for example.  

Another issue with sensory is regulation/modulation. Crying out, having meltdowns, "fight or flight" syndrome are all part of sensory when the system gets overwhelmed.  If you think of your brain having all of these gates in it that hold different signals back so a child can focus, behave, maintain control . . . etc.---------- well.  If the system gets overwhelmed and all the gates open up at once------ what happens?  A meltdown, lashing out, yelling, fight or flight, etc.  

My son had very few issues at home at 3 but preschool was another story.  And they intensified when he turned 4.  I wouldn't blame preschool and their discipline structure because based on your comment . . . that would hold true for any student there.  And it is your son that they are concerned with.  I also think they are out of line for blaming you.  It is no one's fault if sensory is at play.  

In fact, blaming all the way around is not helpful.  It doesn't address the problem with your son.

I'd take a wait and see approach but make some modifications for him.  First, don't yell.  It compounds the problem and shows that even Mommy yells when she feels like it.  The idea is to teach him control-------- so we must control ourselves.  Push your tongue to the roof of your mouth when you feel like yelling, take a deep breath, even walk away for a second to not yell.  I'd look at what kinds of things that you can do to calm his nervous system.  Here are ideas------- swim lessons.  Swimming is that perfect mix of "heavy work" and deep pressure that soothes the nervous system.  Go to a park and get him to intensly run around.  Run, jump, climb, do the monkey bars (with your help at first but let him hang some by himself), slide, roll down a hill, run back up it, swing (very soothing), etc.  It is a mini work out for the nervous system and has a lasting calming effect.  Google "heavy work" with sensory processing disorder and get ideas of things to do.  Jumping on a mini trampoline is good or put a mattress on the floor.  Make a huge pile of pillows on the floor with couch pillows and let him crawl through them while you gently press.  We play cat and mouse doing that.  Let him suck thick liquid through a straw such as apple sauce, a thick smoothie, etc.  Fill a laundry basket with items to give it weight and have him push it across the floor.  

Go to the library and get the book "Hands are not for Hitting".  It is an excellent book and drives home that message.  Talk about emotions and give him some alternatives to hitting he can use when he is upset.  

These are just some ideas.   An occupational therapist evaluates for sensory processing disorder and does OT for it.  These are OT type of things.  Your son may have no issue at all.  But these things are good for all kids and may help calm him down. If he continues, consider an OT evaluation. But no one is to blame if it is sensory or not.  He is little and learning and should be cut some slack!  good luck