Aa
Question about behavior r/t Sensory issues
My son just started OT for SPD (sensory Processing d/o). Anyway, he had a rough time today at the school daycare (while they are out for summer time). He wanted some ladybugs that another girl had and went after her and hit her to try to get them. Then he just went totally out of control and started hitting and yelling. Is this SPD or something more serious. I'm so worried about my son. I'm worried will be okay, will he have a normal life, does he have something more serious going on. There are a lot of kids there, large groups, etc. I guess I"m having a rough day today, feel like nothing is easy or effortless, everything takes so much effort. and I'm a single mom and it's hard, never get a break. I just got home a little while ago from work (12 hour shifts) as a nurse. I don't know what to do. There will be a consequence, we were supposed to go somewhere fun on Friday, but that will have to wait now. Specialmom or anyone if you have any thoughts please share....
Best Answer
Thanks, specialmom, we went to he waterpark. He played in a sandbox they have there, he loves sandboxes, it is good heavy work for him and he does lots of digging and putting water in the sand, etc. I can hardly get him out of it.
I just worry he has a short fuse and seems to get out of control sometimes, daycares and schools are not understanding about this.
I am being more firm about the rudeness. If he is rude, then he will lose something. If he talks nasty to me or tells me to shut up, I will ignore him.
He does well w/the sitter. I just hope he does not have any more incidences like this at the school again, it makes me nervous to send him back. Next Friday, they have a magic show, he loves magic, maybe I shoudl just send him for a short day, the sitter could get him around 2pm.
I just worry he has a short fuse and seems to get out of control sometimes, daycares and schools are not understanding about this.
I am being more firm about the rudeness. If he is rude, then he will lose something. If he talks nasty to me or tells me to shut up, I will ignore him.
He does well w/the sitter. I just hope he does not have any more incidences like this at the school again, it makes me nervous to send him back. Next Friday, they have a magic show, he loves magic, maybe I shoudl just send him for a short day, the sitter could get him around 2pm.
They wrote him up for his behavior yesterday I'm worried if it continues he cannot go to any childcare run by teh school system. So I think I better change him out. It's only a summer program. It's like when he first wakes up he can be so mean and then's he's better a little while later, but it's a rough start to the morning.
He is so mean sometimes in the mornings with me. He just will not do anything I ask and he grunts and growls and hits, etc. I just feel bad, is there soemthing I Have done? Should I look at changing him to a new daycare or put him most of the time with a babysitter? I have to work and make a living too.
I try to do the things the OT recommends but it's hard to get him to even participate sometimes. Also, this all started to get so bad at home when we took him out of the old school and put him in a new school which is now out for the summer. he did better in the new school.
I try to do the things the OT recommends but it's hard to get him to even participate sometimes. Also, this all started to get so bad at home when we took him out of the old school and put him in a new school which is now out for the summer. he did better in the new school.
COMMUNITY LEADER
You are right about school personnel in general. The important thing is to make it school personnel in person. If you can make that one-to-one connection, it can make a difference. A note is a good start. Also ask them if there is a time when you can call and explain in a bit more detail what works with your son (and I realize that you are just learning this your self). Even if you can walk in with him and just say "hi" to the teacher it can help. Maybe even make an appointment to speak to the principal on the way out to give him/her a heads up.
I am pretty sure that specialmom can explain his angry, outofcontrol actions. From what I have read in her posts, it really makes sense that it could happen. If you remember, she does what I would say is a lot of anticipation type of activities. But boy it takes time to figure all of these things out.
Anyway, keep in mind that all of this is new to him and try and anticipate ways to help him.
And yeah, consequences do work - if done correctly. But the consequences for a child with ADHD or SPD are dramatically different than for a kid without those problems.
That's one reason why I always recommend a book like, "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley, because she does a pretty good job at laying out ways that work.
Anyway, enjoy your Friday with him!
I am pretty sure that specialmom can explain his angry, outofcontrol actions. From what I have read in her posts, it really makes sense that it could happen. If you remember, she does what I would say is a lot of anticipation type of activities. But boy it takes time to figure all of these things out.
Anyway, keep in mind that all of this is new to him and try and anticipate ways to help him.
And yeah, consequences do work - if done correctly. But the consequences for a child with ADHD or SPD are dramatically different than for a kid without those problems.
That's one reason why I always recommend a book like, "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley, because she does a pretty good job at laying out ways that work.
Anyway, enjoy your Friday with him!
Thanks, Sandman2, Yes, my son is 6, but people keep telling me, he needs consequences, he needs consequences, but then again, most people don't understand much about SPD or ADHD or anything of that matter. For the typical kids all this wonderful stuff works...
I just do not want to see it get to a point where he gets kicked out. I will write them a note explaining it to them, but I doubt they will understand. School personnel in general is not always very understanding about these things.
Yes, when we are off I like to do things with him and a lot of the fun things are also active things like swimming, hiking, etc.
I just worry why he becomes so worked up and angry and out of control.
Then at other times he is unbelievably sweet....
I just do not want to see it get to a point where he gets kicked out. I will write them a note explaining it to them, but I doubt they will understand. School personnel in general is not always very understanding about these things.
Yes, when we are off I like to do things with him and a lot of the fun things are also active things like swimming, hiking, etc.
I just worry why he becomes so worked up and angry and out of control.
Then at other times he is unbelievably sweet....
COMMUNITY LEADER
Specialmom will have more input on this but due to time differences I'm pretty sure she has turned in for the night.
I think that any time a child with SPD or ADHD for that matter starts something new, its kind of traumatic. From what specialmom has written, it is even more so with SPD kids. So I think this could almost have been expected, and I am willing to bet that specialmom has ideas on how to lessen the initial impact of the new experience.
My thought - and my reason for posting- is that it sounds like you are having a consequence on Fri and not doing a fun thing. That makes sense if your child is maybe 10 or older. If I remember correctly the age of your child. It ain't gonna do much good. Consequences have to be immediate and constant at his age. In short, I don't think that punishing him 48 hours after the fact will do anything to help. I think that both of you probably need the fun time together. Yes, its important to let him know that you are unhappy - I bet he has figured that out by now.
And you are right - this is not easy. Its even tougher pulling the shifts you have. All the more reason for you and your son to get out and enjoy some time together.
Where you do want to spend your time is making sure the daycare is aware what is going on and ways to work with him. Hopefully, once they are aware of what's going on, they will be able to head some of these problems off before they escalate.
Hope this helps!
I think that any time a child with SPD or ADHD for that matter starts something new, its kind of traumatic. From what specialmom has written, it is even more so with SPD kids. So I think this could almost have been expected, and I am willing to bet that specialmom has ideas on how to lessen the initial impact of the new experience.
My thought - and my reason for posting- is that it sounds like you are having a consequence on Fri and not doing a fun thing. That makes sense if your child is maybe 10 or older. If I remember correctly the age of your child. It ain't gonna do much good. Consequences have to be immediate and constant at his age. In short, I don't think that punishing him 48 hours after the fact will do anything to help. I think that both of you probably need the fun time together. Yes, its important to let him know that you are unhappy - I bet he has figured that out by now.
And you are right - this is not easy. Its even tougher pulling the shifts you have. All the more reason for you and your son to get out and enjoy some time together.
Where you do want to spend your time is making sure the daycare is aware what is going on and ways to work with him. Hopefully, once they are aware of what's going on, they will be able to head some of these problems off before they escalate.
Hope this helps!
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the ADHD Community
Fearing autism, many parents aren't vaccinating their kids. Can doctors reverse this dangerous trend?
Yummy eats that will keep your child healthy and happy
What to expect in your growing baby
Is the PS3 the new Prozac … or causing ADHD in your kid?
Autism expert Dr. Richard Graff weighs in on the vaccine-autism media scandal.
Could your home be a haven for toxins that can cause ADHD?
I'm also sorry that it has been a long week for you and your son. Sandman is right, a new place can be very difficult for a child with spd. Remeber those flood gates that are holding things back so a child can maintain behavior . . . and when they get overwhelmed all the gates life and the brain is flooded and a child can not control themselves? Well . . . a new situation can certainly create this.
Please do not punish your son days later by taking away an event. That is insult to injury. After a couple of years of trying to understand my son and getting him to articulate things to me . . . I now know that he feels terrible inside at the moments that he loses control. He hates when he ruins things, disappoints me and others, and has caused a scene or mayham. Remember that what can look like just plain old behavior is often something else going on with a sensory kid and they are in a fight or flight state which is a base level reaction.
Starting OT will be helpful. We worked on behavior modification. I've given you the stress thermometer idea to present to him and work on. This is a way to manage the emotion of anger, frustration or sadness. And also the "how does your engine run" idea of having a child understand and then verbalize how he is feeling with things to do. These are things we have in place. I also tell all personel about what to say and do when things aren't going well. Everyone has to be on board. Work with your occupational therapist to come up with more strategies when your son is having a rough time. And OT helps keep a child "regulated" so they cope better.
Now. I must tell you this. I'd never consider a big daycare center for my son. That is not ideal. At this point, I'd have him stay with the babysitter that you speak of. She can get him out doing things directly for his sensory issues and can have play dates and such so he socializes with guidance. Another idea would be to do some "camps"----- our Y runs some as does our park district. There are half days available . . . he could go for a morning and be with the sitter in the afternoon. Just a thought. I think school is a must do and all else needs to have an element of fun to it for a kid with some challenges.
It is definately disheartening when they have rough days. You just started therapy and it takes time and even after that, an occasional bad day will happen. Your goal is to give him the skills to have as many good days as possible. He'll get there.
Last, in regards to being rude to you and hitting you. Now, this is something I do not tolerate. I'm not above putting a dollop of red cider vinegar on my son's tongue if he uses bad language or sitting him straight in time out if he were to hit me. I am his mother and he should and will respect me. So my demeanor of lovingly firm about that has worked in our home. I do nothing for a child that asks me in a demanding or rude way. I have them rephrase it or say it again nicely. I don't move one inch until then. And I encourage please and thank you. My kid has sensory but he will not be impolite to me. That is just my thinking on it anyway. Leave plenty of extra time in the morning------- better to do his sensory exercises to keep him regulated before he goes.
Wish you luck---------- don't be discouraged. We are all works in progress and your son is too. He'll be fine.