adhd kid out of control

[koala86]

my step daughter age 6 has adhd shes currently taking adderall 10mg well shes not listening,stealing,cussing,back talking,lying,hitting and throwing temper tatrums when we ask her a question any question even as easy as how was your day shes just stares at us and plays with her fingers or just keeps saying umm to where i cant stand that word shes stealing it started out with just candy now its credit cards insurance cards money jewlary clothes we have tried talking to her about it we have tried asking her why and how would she feel if it happened to her and she just stares and says ummm she will cuss at us and tell us what shes going to do and not do shes lying about everything like one day she told her grandparents that me and her dad punched her in the face we never ever touch her like that we giver her a hug and kiss thats it but b4 she told them that she kept grabbing her face hard to make it red so it would llook like someone had hit her shes hitting and pushing kids shes even tried stabbing a kid with a pencil and scissors she punches my son she punched me in the stomach when i was pregnant we can ask her to pick up her toys and she wont we can ask her to come inside and she wont i need help on what should i do i have heart problems and when i had her while her dad was at work i had to take my stress med everyday since shes been gone i havent had to take it so what does that say i just dont know what to do i know its not jealousy because she was acting like this before i got pregnant she was acting somewhat like this when her mom and dad were together so its not the divorice either shes got kicked out of 4 daycares and came an inch away from being expelled from kindergarden someone PLEASE PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[feelinghelpless3803]

I read your first post and in a way i was relieved.  by that i mean that it let me know i was not the only one having severe problems with my child i have a 7 yr old son and he is completly and very openly defiant he also lies about everything even when he is caught red handed he will still try his best to lie his way out of it he just recently got caught stealing  money from his grandfather and where your step daughter is mean to other children my son is cruel toward animals he screams argues throws thing sneaks out of the house the cops have actually visited my house due to his persistent bad behavior toward some of my neighbors he purposly does things to aggrivate people for example we live with my in laws and his papal will ask him to do or to stop doing something and he will make faces at him mock him he recently poured salt in his bed my father in law has had to put a deadbolt lock on his bedroom door to keep my son from stealing wasting or purpously tearing up his belongings everyone in my household have a hard time being patient with him instead of being hateful he also has the problem answering the smallest questions you can ask him something and he will stare past you and flat out ignore you as if you never spoke i have tried everything i can think of to disipline him i have tried the following ....... time out , taking away things he likes to do or play with such as outside,toys,video games, sweets(and that includes soda) , television, i have spanked him when nothing else seemed to work i have tried everything i know to do and i am stuck nothing works and he is taking both 2mg of intuniv and 40mg of staterra so i do know where you are coming from i am open to suggestions if anyone has any

[Sandman2]

  That does complicate matters.  I feel for you.  The book I suggested will help with the discipline matters.  
  Dad needs to go to school and demand to be put on the records.  Mom has no choice.  Its the law.  He will need Divorce papers to show joint custody.  Also if he does this he can ask for special ed testing, but Mom (if she has any sense should have done this).  The 504 or IEP will really help the child in school.
  And yes, if you have custody of the child, its a lot of your business what the doctor does, because the treatment is always based on communication with parents.  In fact, if the dad has joint custody (I'm assuming he has), the doctor also has to talk with you.  Or you can simply go see your own.  By the way, part of the job of a child psychiatrist is to work with the parents of the child.  The child psyc should be seeing both of you and giving you ideas on how to work with the child.
   Now, I am assuming that the child is spending most of her time with you?  It does change things legally if you are only seeing her on weekends.
   Anyway, the book will help.  And when you read it and get a feeling for what ADHD does to kids, how they react, etc. I think you will have a better understanding of how to discipline.  Good Luck!

[koala86]

ive tried disapling her and she does goto a child psychiatrist but because her bm will not let them up her dose they cant i just dont know what to do the bm wont put her dad on the school records so he cant go up to the school and demand a test or take the child to the dr the bm wont even tell us the dr name she says its none of our business cause she takes her

[Sandman2]

  Ok, a couple of things going on here.  
The first is that you don't discipline or change behaviors of a 6 year old by asking them questions and trying to reason with them!  They just don't have the cognitive ability to work that way.  Any discipline has to be immediate, consistent, and slowly escalating.  It will take up to 3 weeks for a set behavior to change.  Also if a child has ADHD, the whole process changes due to their lack of filters (compulsiveness) and other behavioral problems.  A  book like, "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley, will give you lots of ways to work with your child to modify her behavior.  I highly recommend you buy it.  It will help you work with her all the way through her teenage years and beyond.
   Second, I don't know what kind of a doctor you are seeing - but they are not much help to you.  This behavior is pretty typical (read other posts), and the doctor should be helping you deal with this.  Of course, if you are going through a pediatrician,  its kind of typical.  If you can afford it, I would look for a child psychiatrist.   They will be able to help both you and your child.  It is also possible that the dosage of medication is to low for your child.  Doctors start you off on the lowest possible dose and wait for your feedback.  Dealing with ADHD really takes a lot of communication between you and your doctor (the book I recommended will really help).  The meds are not magic.  It really takes a combined effort.  So far, it sounds like you are going it alone.
   By the way, you really want to get her tested at school and a special ed plan (either a 504 or a IEP - also explained in the book) started as soon as possible.  Besides helping her teachers know how to work with her, it also should protect her from expulsion.  Oh, and the school has no choice in the testing, they must do so.
   Hope some of this helps!  Good luck!