my boyfriend is ADD and I feel like a caretaker

[theghastlycat]

Hi, first of all sorry for my bad english, I am french and my grammar is quite poor.
I really need your advice on that one. I have been going out with my boyfriend for your years now. He has so many sweets sides, e.g: he is very selfless and generous, non judgemental etc, but in the same time he has two major problems which really make me feel I am becoming mad. First of all, he just cannot give attention or take anything seriousely. He is ADD (attention deficiency disorder), so he is generally so spaced out all the time I generally fell like his private caretaker. I somehow came to the conclusion that I have to accept him for that and relaise that it is me who will have to take all the decisions in the relationship. It will also be me who, for instance, will have to negociate our flat if we bought one. But now comes the huge problem. His mother is completely hysterical and tries to control his whole life. For instance she prevented him to pass his driving licence for two years so he could stay home with his mummy. So she is deciding all his life and I feel that, as he is ADD, he doesnt have the balls to stand up for himself and generally likes to be dragged along. For instance he was about to buy a house, and his mother prevented him to do it so he just didnt! I am becoming more and more like a disenhearted person and i kind of stopped expecting anything from him. I even caught myself being condescendant....What do you think I should do now? I know hte situation looks bad but is there any hope? How should I proceed? I really need your advice.

[NewJerseyMommy]

Your English is great! About the guy, move on... Sometimes it's better to be alone. You'll be able to go farther than with a grown up you can't count on.

[theghastlycat]

That made me laugh a lot! I think you are right. He never had any responsibilities ever, and when he tried to have some (e.g: go out with me) his family discouragead him to massively. Maybe they are all totally mental.

[dr_michael_miles_md]

I don't need to use medical jargon to say that your boyfriend is simply one big *****.   ADD is a made up disorder that is used by doctors and phama company's to make you dependent on  their drugs.  Essential, your boyfriend has never learned to be a man.  Yes, he has a set of balls and penis....but he was turned into a eunuch essentially.  You cannot help him except by walking away.  If you stay with a man who is a *****, you will gradually become a lesbian.

[allmymarbles]

His problems go well beyond ADD. He is a very dependent person. He leans on his mother and he leans on you. Life is sweet for him. He has two caretakers. Wouldn't you prefer a grownup man at your side?