Suggestions please? No longer have quality of life.

My depression started at a very early age, teens, anxiety started when I was mid 20s, panic attacks began in my late 30s, agoraphobia sneaked up on me about 12 years ago. I am now 56! I have been in my house for 4 months at a time without leaving for anything. My son does my grocery shopping and errands. I have doctors but am unable to leave home to see them and in my area there are no psycs who make home visits. I miss all holidays, my grandchildren's school and church performances. I have lost many years of their lives.
Several years ago my now ex-husband had an affair and put me in a mental hospital. ECT was also done on me. I lost memories of my childhood, my sons and my grandkids lives and no longer have short-term memory either.
I have taken many, many types of meds (including MAOIs) anti-depressants and anti-anxiety. None have helped. I may cry for 3 or 4 days. It's usually during that time I remember signing the hospital papers requesting the plug be pulled when "there is no longer quality of life". I think of that statement. There is no difference in lying in a bed without movement than being a prisioner in my house. I have no quality of life.
I want help so badly but it seems a dream, all the while I'm living a nightmare. Thank you for reading my story.

Merry Christmas and may God be with you!

[coolbreeze34]

I so sorry to hear that. I cant't say i feel your pain but i will pray for you and that god will send you a healing that you may find a way to get out of this thinking, and truly learn to live again. It seems that you feel like giving up ,like why keep fighting this when nothing seems to help, you tried just about everything but nothing seems to go right. I been there but you do have people who love you and they want you to survive, and i do too. I know this may sounds like crazy but there is hope. I have faith that you will see this through. I you need to talk please feel free to write me. I know you will make it.

[why_me_too]

Thank you "coolbreeze34". I am a Christian that is why I have never committed suicide, God and my families grief. I started attending a new church where my son is a deacon and it was such a blessing to be baptized on the same day as my 7 year old granddaughter. That was my last time outside of my house. I am reading a Bible program "Ten Chapters a Day". I have faith in the Lord but also sometimes get mad at Him sometimes. I can deal with depression and even panic attacks but not agoraphobia. I have always been a people person and I miss them so much. I was a cop, involved in a justified shooting, and taught DARE ti elementary children, I volunteered for our local hospital and so much more but can no longer do any of that. I am changing psycs to one who  specializes in anxiety. I hope God lead me to him. My other doctor will not prescribe any meds; Xanax, Valium, Klonopin, Wellbutrin, Effexor, Ambian. So I'm on my own to handle the withdrawals after years and years of taking the maximum doses.
Thank you for your encouragement. I have faith I will find healing through my Lord. God bless.

[29sillygirl]

Hey there,

From one agoraphobe to another...heh...I say the best thing you can do for yourself now is find a psychiatrist who understands anxiety disorders.

GPs and some psychiatrists are fearful of prescribing anti anxiety meds...I get that, but there are many experienced ones who will hear that you have tried other meds with no success and work with you to find med that will give you a base to work from.  Dependency shouldn't be the first thing a doctor thinks about.

Try not to compare yourself now with who you were a few years back.  We change with age and life's events.  I hope soon you will accept  where you are,appreciate the help you son gives you and take baby steps back into life.  

You are posting on here...a good thing.  So, although you don't get out of the house now, you can reach out to all of us here @ Med Help 24 hours a day.    

I think there are toll free help lines available to all @ no cost.  Hope someone will let you know about them.

You may feel like life offers little joy  right now, but you know this thinking is the product of the depression that follows extended periods of anxiety.  

Faith is a powerful force.  An important part of healing ...but not the only thing you need.  Getting over an extended period of being housebound by agoraphobia takes a little of this and a little of that.  

Best wishes....keep posting ...you might want to post in the anxiety or depression forums as well as this one.  Am certain you will find lots of support here.