Anger Management Community
Im very serious?
About This Community:

Welcome to the Anger Management community. This patient support community is for discussions relating to anger management.

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

Im very serious?

My fiancé twyla me all the time I am to serious! Which I am a very serious person. Even when I joke I an serious. Everything in life is very serious to me. My fiancé is a"jokester" but he says he didn't know when to and when not to with me because I take everything so serious. When I joke with him he gets all serious with me, probably because of the nature of the joke & then when I say omg calm down I was just joking, he tells me that I should have said I was joking because I have such a serious manner that he never knows. He says my name should be So serious. I think All serious. Is this a bad thing? To be absolutely serious at all times, even when I am joking? I like to use the term "seriously joking"
11 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
2146732_tn?1418852707
*tells* and not all serious Too serious. So serious is actually his nickname
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
Respectfully, isn't it hard to tell him to calm down and not take things seriously when you take everything seriously?
Blank
2146732_tn?1418852707
No,only because when he starts he doesn't stop. Hes a repeat(er) I sometimes have to tell him ok ok I get it. So when I'm joking with him & he's not sure that I am,i have to stop him before he  lectures me. So no I don't think so.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
Okay.  It seems like you guys are on different wave lengths, like on a previous post about sarcasm.  Somehow, some way, I think this is a communication issue or an understanding issue.

Hope it works itself out.
Blank
2146732_tn?1418852707
Yes it is a Mr know it(but don't really know)issue. Its a not listening,even when things are explained issue.
Blank
3060903_tn?1398568723
I happen to think that laughter, smiles and jokes are the very best part of life, and sure wouldn't like to be in a all too serious "LIFESTYLE"  by any means. Life is hard, and there are always great losses to adapt to. I think it's our jobs as friends and family to keep things as light and fun as possible to outweigh the harsh realities of life. Possibly your being too serious is causing some of the problems your dealing with with Mr. Right? If i was so serious all the time, and didn't make it my business to lighten his load with laughter i think he's probably be quite short with me. I know that he'd be questioning whether i was really HIS MRS. RIGHT, that's for ABSOLUTE SURE. Why would he want to hang out with me if i was always so serious and didn't have the ability to lighten up and have fun? How uncomfortable to have to question whether something is actually meant to be light hearted? That speaks volumes that there's very little play in your relationship and things are far too serious. There's always more fish in the sea. Have you thought of why you're so serious all the time? Do you have unresolved fear, or grief or childhood trauma that you should be confronting for your families health? You'll be alot happier on the outside if you deal with unhappiness in the inside, i should think. Maybe nobody taught you how to be fun and light hearted, so it's not natural to you, but you can change you know. I think your husband would really appreciate it if you learned how to joke and or how to take a joke. I think that your husband's actions could possibly be as a result of the type of communication that you do have, and there's nothing in it to hold his attention. Something to think about maybe? Just some constructive criticism. I hope you take it as such. God Bless.
Blank
3060903_tn?1398568723
So in answer to your question, is being serious all the time a bad thing, YEAH it is a really really BAD thing.
Blank
3060903_tn?1398568723
So in answer to your question, is being serious all the time a bad thing, YEAH it is, It's a really really BAD thing and i think by him telling you You are Too Serious, it really means, please please lighten up already!!!
Blank
2146732_tn?1418852707
I'm not saying that I don't joke,but apparently I dont know HOW to joke. My mannerisms are way too serious. Yes I have a real serious nature and it could stem from some past experiences,but for some reason it doesnt seem he cares about any other fish! As you may see I've posted just today about us having a really good talk and seeing where we are both coming from(of course I'm always the bad guy), but thats ok. Its a learning process if my seriosness makes me the bad guy then so be it. I am who I am,maybe I shouldnt take EVERYTHING so seriously but again ill say its a learning process& I cant help if I don't find too much of anything funny. And believe you me he has told me I need to "lighten up".
Blank
3060903_tn?1398568723
Geez, sorry i posted my last one twice, the first time was hard enough to hear.

It sounds somewhat passive aggressive when you say "As you may see I've posted just today about us having a really good talk and seeing where we are both coming from(of course I'm always the bad guy), but thats ok." Unless you are the "bad guy, always" you mustn't say it to yourself, or to him. Don't say anything at all. Be cerebral and think before you speak.  Passive behavior festers and fosters aggressive behavior. You can read about passive aggressive behavior, and learn large from the internet.

You say " if my seriosness makes me the bad guy then so be it. I am who I am, I can't help it that I don't find too much of anything funny" but then, you say in the same breath, ",maybe I shouldnt take EVERYTHING so seriously but again ill say its a learning process&". One statement says you can't change, the next says you understand there's a "process FOR change".  So you're confused about whether you can and whether you should, change. Life and learning is all about change, and we need change to grow, so i would suggest that you STOP saying that "I CAN'T " and say instead "I WILL" educate myself and learn.

Positive self talk means everything to people who are growing in themselves. Learn to use Positive Affirmations about your highest qualities. It will help you not to fall into a passive role in your communication.  

Trust that there is a "process" means everything to the outcome. Finding the process, a Pastor, a Counselor , finding out what to research in psychology and doing so, will help give you the tools that you need. It's NOT HOPELESS,  you have much good in you and you deserve to be happy. Go out and find that happiness. It's not easy to find in this world, we're not all born with a silver spoon in our mouths, and many times we must process our childhoods before we can truly be happy. But, it takes work. You've had 5 kids, you're no stranger to work, i'm sure. Finding peace, and yes, happiness, in this world, take hard work, but will pay many dividends to you, and your children. I'm  looking forward to hearing that you have found that peace in your life. I DO care about you and your family, it's what we do here. xo
Blank
3060903_tn?1398568723
Anyhoo, here's an article in Psychology Today that will help you to understand sarcasm and why your fiance might be confused with that form of communication. I'm concerned that in your "talks" you're "always the bad guy" so i've added the article they have on passive aggressive behavior, that also might help. (I don't know if it applies, i only know that if you were my daughter, i would be concerned that you've said, you admit "you're always the bad guy")  Again, i'm talking to you about all your posts, as i'm replying. It always helps to read up on psychology. Hopefully this does help you. As i said, when somebody comes on here for help from member's , it is our greatest wish that the poster finds help.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beyond-blame/201206/stopping-sarcasm

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/200806/afraid-rage-the-origins-passive-aggressive-behavior
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Anger Management Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
469720_tn?1388149949
Blank
Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm-treatable... Blank
Oct 04 by Lee Kirksey, MDBlank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
The 3 Essentials to Ending Emotiona...
Sep 18 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Control Emotional Eating with this ...
Sep 04 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Relationships Answerers
4851940_tn?1385441629
Blank
jemma116
United Kingdom