I ha dposted earlier in the ANXIETY forum,and here I am now;
Excessive anger or rage is what I suffer from currently;
The reasons are justified because of the recent turmoils I have faced the last couple of years;
But the fact remains that however justified my anger might be,the way I express is very unhealthy;tere are violent bouts (like 4 times in one month and a half);I get physically and verbally violent;
Can anyone in the forum let me know how they dealth with the problem of rage apart from visiting a therapist;Practical ways how they became healthy gradually;
I can see that I have gone through some major setbacks in life(period of 11 years),but at the same time I feel that my anger is the one which is the most se;f-destructive;
It usually erupts when I feel I have been wronged,or lied too or am reminded of some terrible situation in the past.
I don't know how to answer this without sounding like I am trying to pick on you. I can assure you that that is not the case. When it comes to justification.... sure, there are reasons for us to be upset, be angry. Any number of things can cause that.
But if we feel that our actions are justified, we aren't taking accountability for our actions. We are using the "justification" to cover us being mean, nasty, mad, or violent.
Whatever happened to you, no doubt is a serious matter and you have every right to be mad about that. But, that happened then and this is now. It isn't fair to you for you to be judged upon your actions today that were based on something that happened to you some time ago.... Does that make sense?
I had to learn to keep everything separate. Each incident was its own incident, and it wasn't fair to carry actions from one negative issue to another. It can be learned.
Hi - brice has given great advice on making sure you take responsibility for the outbursts, so I won't dwell on that.
In the "heat of the moment," it is really difficult to become rational and make a decision on how to deal with your rage, because it kind of "takes over." SO, a very good plan is to decide in a calm moment exactly how you will deal with the next instance you feel your anger brewing. Consider an activity that you enjoy - for me, strangely, it is washing the dishes. For my boyfriend, it is going to the garage and tinkering with his motorbikes. When either of us feels a moment of stress or that we're ready to have an outburst based on emotion, where we might say or do something we regret, we leave the situation immediately and turn to that activity to allow time to remove ourselves from the potentially negative situation, and to do our personal "calming activity" to allow time to let the surge of emotion pass, and to think about how to handle the situation productively - sometimes, the handling consists of just letting it go, realizing that it isn't worth going to war over.
Figure out something that concentrates your energy and allows you to calm down and think, and then be COMMITTED to following that plan.
I'm not a professional, of course, but I thought I'd share a tip that helps my family deal with emotional outbursts.
Kirstie managed to get to just about everything else I intended too. Kudo's Kirstie and that is great information to listen too lukkhi.
The only thing I'd like to add is something that I learned or heard in a therapy session.
"We as humans tend to take ourselves far too seriously, all too often. We need to remember that we are not the center of the universe and what affects me right now is not going to affect someone on the other side of the globe. It was an individual incident and needs to be handled as such. Somebody 30 feet away in either direction might not have seen what happened that affected us, so we need to act responsible. We need to remember that how we act may and probably will affect someone else and it could be someone totally innocent."
Patience was never my strong suite. Now, some of my family and friends get a kick out of what DOES NOT affect me any more and they get a bigger kick out of how I handle myself.
There just are so many things that happen over the course of a day that we have absolutely no control over. NONE! We need to realize that we get to choose how we act or react to things that happen around us. If those things are not a life changing event, don't act like it was a life changing event. Accept the event for what it was, digest it and let it go away. Your day and life is far too important to let trivial things dictate how your day or life goes... far too important for that.
(Just for reference.... (I hope this never happens...) If your house blows up and you narrowly escape without injury, but you lose all of your belongings...... it would be completely rational if you were scared, angry and concerned. It would be rational to start thinking about what your next move would be...... it would be completely irrational to want to blow up everyone elses house so they could be having the same day as you.)
What is that old physics statement? "Every action has an equal reaction".
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