Hi,
I am 21 and think I may have an eating disorder.
I was looking up on the internet and believe that I have purging disorder - where I do not need to binge to purge, i purge almost whenever I eat something I feel will make a significant difference. Still not sure if this is what I have, but it sounds the most like me.
I have gone through stages of eating very little to nothing also.
I am desperately scared of gaining weight, and am currently trying to lose it.
I don't want to do this anymore, but if there is a slightly normal amount of food in my stomach I don't feel comfortable at all, I just feel like I need it out of there ASAP.
I can't seem to speak to anyone about this, and have tried getting help before.
I also can't talk to my boyfriend, as he has said if he knows of me doing this then we are over - he has suspected me of this before.
I have extremely poor body confidence regardless of what people say about me. I don't know how to change this and am constantly obsessing over the fat I have around my stomach.
I am not sure how to help myself - I feel extremely uncomfortable trying to talk to professionals, especially after my experiences in trying.
Also something I find odd is that I know whats healthy, and whats not and can quite easily tell someone whats healthy or not and even tell someone why THEY should not purge - but I can't seem to apply this to myself no matter what. Especially not after I lost a significant amount of weight by doing this in the first place.
Really lost on how to help myself here, especially when a lot of the time I do not want help or to change. What can I do...?