Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA)

I started my son (age 9) in counseling last week and already he's receptive to the idea of 'change'.  We're going to an ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis) clinic.  They're whole approach to all our children's problem is to break the problem down into smaller steps.  My son needs me to lift him up and put him on the toilet.  This is purely a routine issue with him - he can get up on the toilet by himself.  When he needs me to do this, he comes up to me and says "I love you."  He's been doing this for years.  I could never get him to change the the wording of his 'request'.  So he will be earning tokens, and after so many he cashes them in for dollars that he'll be saving for a Wii.  Once he has mastered saying something like "I need help in the bathroom" instead of "I love you" then we move to another task that is part of the bathroom issue.   He will eventually master all the small tasks that add up to going to the bathroom by himself!  AND.... he's very receptive to the idea.  In fact, we weren't supposed to start the program til Wednesday because the counselor was going to have our chart made up and explain more to me, but since he wanted to jump right in -- I will too!!   If you live in the Detroit area, check out the HOPE Center in Royal Oak.  They offered a FREE 2-day workshop on ABA that I went to.  What an eye-opening experience!!  

[Sally44]

I'm so glad you found something helpful!  
I have also had it explained to me that with rigid behaviours/routines that if you can somehow break them down into smaller bits you can slowly change the behaviour.  Somebody mentioned on another posting that it would be wonderful to have a 'one stop shop' where you could go for all the information.  So much of our 'precious' time is taken up searching for advice/services.

[SueNYC]

We have done it foer several years with alot of success. I haven't found a more effective method.  Good Luck.

[MJIthewriter]

That sounds great!  I agree with the steps you mentioned so far. I was sort of wondering about that being a routine issue.

Some of those cases, my parents just up and decided to stop doing something. It was rough and I screamed bloody murder. Once I realized I could do the task on my own without help, the second time around became much easier and any time after.

My parents did a "point system" spurred on by my school when I was a child... (3rd grade) Basically it taught me to do good behavior for the sake of earning points to get items, rather than doing things just for the sake of doing good.  But I guess a lot of people are modivated that way, lol.

I did show considerable improvement, but a single trip to grandma's for a week or two (without the system being in effect) undid everything and my parents were dismayed I had regressed to becoming sort of a brat...so they claimed. I didn't personally notice the change in myself, but they did and made mention. It shows that consistancy matters.

[MJIthewriter]

Oh and not to mention... If I recall, I may have also become choosy over what I did to get what...  I'd weigh out the pros and cons to see if the task was worth the points to me... If so I'd pick the higher point items over the lower point items, unless they required a lot of work, then I wouldn't do it and just take the deduction in points...

Yeah... I was a bit too clever for my own good, lol.

[maggie338]

LOL -- You sound just like my son!!  He's a bit too clever too.  He'd do the same thing.

To All:

This counseling is working.  He's eager to go.  He really likes his therapitst and is opening up to her -- which floors me!!  He is excited about earning points.  She gets him involved in helping her make new token boards, they did up a 'progress chart'.  I think deep down he wants to overcom his problem but just didn't know how.  But he knows she wants to help him so he is willing to work hard!

[SueNYC]

I am really happy for you.

A great exercise we did was just sitting there a watching him draw.  You don't comment on anything specifically and there is a lot of praise.  We used to watch him draw and say "oh you used the yellow crayon.  good choice."  And soon he really started to open up - but you are not allowed to comment on the picture.  In the beginning the only rule was that he couldn't leave the table (I think the exercise was for about 10 minutes).  As thy month progressed we added more commands - like you need to use the blue crayon - but there was some incredible amount of praise involved for following the commands.  It was really weird because we had all these ABA experts watching us and correcting us from another room (via a earphone).  Sam was only 6 but it helped alot.

[Sally44]

I'm going to start doing some work with a Play Therapist, that sounds similar to that.  I've got to put together a box full of 'stuff' to play with eg. dressing up stuff, craft stuff, cars, figures etc etc.  Then once a week for 30 mins I will get this box out and my son and I will play.  But like you said Sue, I am to let him take the lead and 'comment' on any emotions he displays eg. ''you threw the boy, you must have been very angry to do that' etc.  So we kind of give an 'emotional narrative' and we are not allowed to direct the play or 'help' them.  It should be interesting.  I think eventually you do build up to being able to make comments and try to take turns in leading the play etc.  I am already finding that my son is becoming more and more interested in playing 'with' someone rather than solitary play.

[maggie338]

One of the books the ABA therapists recommend for children up to age 6 is "Work in Progress".  I forgot the author but I mentioned it in my post on books.  For social skills, they recommended books written by Jed Baker.  I need to get to the book store and look for some!

[SueNYC]

It wasn't exactly play therapy - NYU has pretty much pulled their play therapy research for various reasons.  They really don't think it works except in child traumatic stress cases - but I haven't got into too many clinical research talks about that.  Not that there isn't any value - it may be a nice interaction between you and your child which is helpful in healing stressed relationships.  Social group therapy has also been a bust.  Basically, if the child is lucky they will get a friend out of it but the specific (the structured play group) has not translated into the general (being able to play with others outside the group).  After ten years of trials, they let that ship officially sail.  

We did hard core ABA - Sam wasn't allowed to move the table and we had to praise him consistently about 75-80% of the time.  Eventually it led to forcing him to comply with our demands.  The exercise was just the beginning of a roughly two year - twice a week session to get Sam to comply.  All the time we were being videotaped and coached through an earpiece with no one else in the the room.  Then we were dissected and analyzed to death to see where we (not the child ) went wrong.  It was really hard.  When we started we couldn't even turn off a tv without 45 minutes of screaming bloody murder.  Sam - though we still have some bad days - is 95% more compliant than when we started.  In fact, he can be downright likable these days.

We basically learned how to stop the freight train before it left the station.  Sometimes it is hard.  tonight he didn't want to do his math homework. This wasn't his school work but homework for an outside math school that he goes to.  It wasn't for extra help - he is incredilble at math - but he refused to do it without making a scene.  Now, his sleepover on Friday is cancelled.  He was well aware of the consequences - his siblings did there work - his sister didn't go to the movies this weekend because she refuse to do hers.  He screamed at us for a good thirty minutes but we just ignored him.  He then sat down and talked to his dad.  But at least we didn't scream back. Sam's case actually made the special ed lawyer news because the district had to pay private tuition for such an academically advanced kid - but no one knows the willpower and effort on our part to get him there.  They all warned us that he would eventually fall behind - because you can't teach a kid like him - but I say with the proper ABA training most parents would be amazed about how much they can get their kid to do.  Children exhibit behavior because it gets them the response they desire.  Sam didn't want to do his work tonight - so he started the moaning and groaning - the raised voice - all of the things that would usually make us say stop - just go to bed.  And even though you are angry, tired , or even up for a fight - it got the result the child wanted.  It was easier to fight with you than do the math.  But what happens when you don't start fighting back but calmy start to take away all the little niceities they expect - then they learn that the behavior don't work.  But it has to be done in a rational, emotionless sort of way.

Sam won't get his sleepover on Friday but he can have a playdate on Saturday if he does all the work (therefore still dangling a huge reward in front of his stubborn nose).  

[SueNYC]

Tokens - I wish - Sam demanded books.  I think we bought him over 200 books the first year.  Then it was bionicles - and now we are back to books again.  But now it is once a week (and this does not include library books) instead on every day.  At least, he is well read.

[maggie338]

Thats great he likes books.  For the past 3 years, Jordan (9 years old) has had to read every night for 10-15 minutes for school.  At the end of each week he was supposed to have a total of so many minutes down in his readling log.  It was always a big hassle to get him to that total and always by the end of the week he owed so many minutes that he had to get it done in one day.  BUT.... we found a series of books he likes - American Chillers and Michigan Chillers, author is Rand.  Your son might like those!  Since Jordan has read all of those he's going to try Goose Bumps this summer cuz he's in the summer reading program at the library.

[SueNYC]

Sam liked goose Bumps but he gave them all away to his school - because they terrified him.  sam is into george Orwell now.  He plans on tackling Atlas Shrugged this summer.  His favorite kid series is The Warriors and The Percy Jackson books by Rick Riordan (a mordern retelling of Greek Myths with a modern son of Poseidon running around - they are very funny)..