Does my son have Asperger's or something similar?

My son's teachers have expressed concern about him settling into his new school and I am concerned (he's been there for a year - due to a house move). He does not react to change well and I've put a lot of this down to cultural differences from where we lived before and the rest down to his quirky personality. But now there are concerns I realised these issues have always been there and I've overlooked them.

He is almost 8. He crawled at 6months, walked at 9months and was talking, counting, naming all animals and their traits at 2yrs old. This passion for animals continued from then and it is really all he would talk about. Now it is Star Wars also for the past few years. If I worry about him being shy or too quiet I ask him a question about his Star Wars toy or discuss an article I read about sharks, for e.g. and he comes alive and talks.

He withdraws when there are more than 3 or 4 people in our home even close family. He withdraws to his room to books. He cannot take the radio loud and 'shuts down' when someone shouts, he covers his ears when a voice is raised or there are sudden noises. When distressed because he is getting into trouble he hits his head and covers his ears if a voice is raised. I am a musician and I have assumed he has my detailed perception of noise but it is not just the detail but the volume.

Academically he is advanced. An avid reader several years ahead of his age group, Does very well in maths and science, but we have family members who are highly intelligent in these areas. However despite his early mobility, he cannot ride a bike. We are British and very particular about table manners but he is as yet unable to use a knife and fork properly and can barely hold them desite being taught three times a day since he learned to eat alone.

His PE teacher has noticed a problem with is gait and it is getting worse. The teacher says he is uncomfortable in class as if he may be in pain. He is increasingly physically awkward, he often refuses to play with other children in groups opting to play alone, even when they ask him. After school his classmates often say hi to him and he ignores them until I point it out to him. I realise I've always done this and always repeated in his ear what he has to say to someone because otherwise he'd say nothing or rant about an obscure subject. I say "hi [classmate's name]" and he repeats or "thank you for the gift" as he's handed something, or " Hi my name is ...., what's your name?" yet he cannot remember these things when I am not there to remind him and I've reminded him every day since kindergarten, so he says nothing unless it's 'his subject'.

He avoids eye contact, can interupt talking with his peers or talk at them and is bemused why he does not have a best friend. Kids think he is cool though as he knows a lot about subjects they like and he is kind, the teacher has used him to teach other children one to one when he was 6 and this was great, he responds well to a list of work and continually writes lists. But he often marks his own classwork before handing it in. He responds to a list of chores at home very well every time and comes alive to do them, otherwise he withdraws to books / toys and continually makes noises whilst playing with the action figures (a noise made by sucking and blowing air through his teeth). He makes this noise in class and in the playground and it disturbs the class. We don't watch TV much, maybe the odd movie.

The teacher says that he answers inappropriately and when I discuss this with him he is unaware that what he is saying is inapproprate or cheeky to an adult. He answers rhetorical questions to the extent that he is getting into trouble but he can't understand why he cannot answer. He understands complex issues and workings of things but cannot grasp that the teacher does not want an answer when she is angry with the class and asks: "How many of your parents will I tell have good children, on parents' night?" He put his hand up, turned to the class counting and calculated an answer! It is beyond innocence and is getting more marked and less accepted as he gets older.

He is a kind boy and takes pride in being good and nice and his attempts at being cruel to his sister when they annoy each other are limited to him saying: "you stink". He is unable to remember simple retorts to banter and teasing I've taught him, he can't understand what they are saying or why they are saying strange things to him. He is unable to say "you are hurtung my feelings", and over the years I've taught him continually about being hurt inside and he is now able to tell me in that way. I assumed it was just how boys are!

He also says 'the wrong thing' to family members whilst engaging them in what he sees as normal conversation and connot see why they are not right. Things like, "are you pregnant? you have a fat tummy so that's why I ask" and cannot see their reaction. He cried when I told him my sister was upset by this and he can't understand why and did not see her shock or tears. He goes to friends houses and asks their parents if they are poor because they have a small house, despite me telling him not to comment on peoples homes he insists on saying something so last time said: "this house is fine". He goes to fee paying school and none of the chilren are poor.He is not spoiled materially and we do not tollerate cheeky comments to adults but it is the inappropriateness that his teacher has highlighted that is the problem, and his gait.

Please let me know what I should be looking for from my doctor and what I should be asking or if this could be something else. Several people have asked me if he is autistic but I had no worries as a toddler because he was so affectionate and chatty, if only about animals. I've only just found out about Aspergers and it seems to fit.
Thanks in advance
Fiona

[Sally44]

From your post it does sound very probable doesn't it.
It sounds like academically he is doing well.
Are you confident the school he is in will be able to support him in lessons and during playtime or unstructured free time?
As he can read, lists and itinerarys are going to help organise him.
Regarding his speech, it sounds like he may have Semantic Pragmatic Speech Disorder.  Google this to see if it fits.  He takes language literally.  He doesn't understand sarcasm or some types of humour.  He isn't being rude.  He is just taking the language literally, so when the teacher asked how many good children are there in this class, he just turned round and counted the good ones!
As he is covering his ears, cannot ride a bike or use a knife and fork etc, I think you should google Sensory Integration Disorder.  This is something that can affect any or all of the senses.  It can cause them to be under or over sensitive, or flutuate between the two.  My son is also hyper sensitive to noise or sudden unpredictable noise.  Yet at other times he is okay with noise, and goes to a drum club.  If he cannot screen out background noise he retreats into himself and appears deaf.
Has your son ever repeated words/phrases from TV or films or things he has heard other people say?
If you are looking for a diagnosis you need to have a Speech and Language Therapist assess all aspects of his speech and social interaction skills.  This will include the above Semantic Pragmatic Disorder, Auditory processing and Auditory Memory skills as well as assessing his Receptive and Expressive language as there is usually a big difference in their ability to speak versus their understanding of what is said.
If he has problems organising , planning, sequencing etc, or does not understant 'time' then google Executive Function Disorder.
You also need an Educational/Clincial Psychologist to assess his cognitive skills, and an Occupational Therapist to assess his sensory perceptual problems.
You are already aware of his strengths and weaknesses.  Children with Aspergers usually need extra help during playtime so that they aren't bullied.  This might involve joining dinner time clubs such as a computer club, library club etc.  He should also be involved in a Social Skills group that the school should put together with the help of the SALT and EP.
If he is doing so well, he will probably go onto great things, because he will be motivated through his interests to follow a career in that area.  But he will need help and support for the other 'stuff' that other children just do naturally, but which he will have to rote learn and apply in his day to day life.

[Sally44]

I forgot, another thing to google is Theory of Mind.  This is something all children have problems with if they are on the autistic spectrum to varying degrees.

[Fionakb]

Thank you so much, I'm going to take time to absorb all of this, you have really helped me to know where to go next. He is at a great academic school and they fill their time well. They have spoken to him in the playground and raised their concerns with me so I am confident that they will repsond to his needs but we will see.
And yes he repeats TV commercials and says things like "mum buy a Dell they build it just for you" or the "you stink" comment he makes to his sister is something he heard a boy at school say once and he's stuck on it, I'm sure he's heard plenty more in a year but that's what he repeats.
Thank you again, I'm going to see my GP on Monday and take it from there and I'll repost when i have something concrete..
Fiona

[Sally44]

I forgot to ask if he has tantrums or gets upset about any changes, or having to start or stop something, or if he expectations are not met.  Does he appear to get over upset compared to what has happened?

[Fionakb]

Yes, even the suggestion of a change can cause him to be distressed. The thing he hates the most is being asked to stop reading to do something, even something he's requested we do. If he does come when called or asked and he's doing something he always grumbles or seems very distressed about it. I've employed the technique of counting down from 5 and he feels he HAS to get there before I get to 1 and this works to get him moving but he still gets distressed.

Getting him to start something can be an issue too, he gets distressed as if it's been building up for a while and then he starts and is immediately focused and calm and does whatever it may be, quite happily. Is this a sign too? Over the years I've put this down to his personality.

[Sally44]

Yes that is a sign too.  It is called difficulties with 'transitions'.  They have a need to complete things and to leave something unfinished can cause them alot of distress.  Getting my son to come and eat when he is in the middle of playing with his soldiers is a nightmare.  It also means that when we have to go out I try to coincide it with the end of the TV programme he is watching.  Counting down is a good strategy.  You can also buy time timers that show how much time is remaining before they have to stop.  
Sometimes these difficulties can be down to problems with Executive Functions, so they might avoid starting things because they don't know how to plan and organise and sequence what they have to do.  Sometimes it is just the transition of the initial getitng started and then they are okay.  They almost seem to freeze and not know how to get started and get very anxious about it, but when they have started they are okay.  My son finds leaving the house to go to school very distressing.  He is okay once he is at school, but as soon as he wakes in the morning he is anxious and upset.
Getting over upset is down to being flooded with emotions and sensory stimulus.  Teach him calming and anxiety reduction strategies.  Use his bedroom as a quiet place to go to when he begins to get upset.  When they get upset they have little control over what they say and do and are usually horrified afterwards at things they have said or done.  So teaching them how to monitor their level of anxiety/stress etc is very useful and teaching them what to do before they completely go over the top.  At my son's school they use facial expressions for him to point to where he is at on an emotional scale.  When he gets very upset they have a quiet room that he goes to to calm down.

[Fionakb]

My son is visiting speach and language therapist and has seen a child psychologist who is reluctant to diagnose anything other than dyspraxia and dyslexia (although he could read at 4 and reads constantly) so I am confused by this. The paediatrician we saw last week thinks AS is likely and that she'll have the independent elements of AS treated because a mulitdisiplinary team referal is very hard to get unless he was due to start primary school, or secondary school. any other age and they are not interested as a school place wouldn't be an issue. I don't know how to take this but feel i should let other UK residents know the reluctance of NHS to diagnose this and other forms of autism.

The hardest thing for me in reading more about this and in dealing with medics is that my husband and I exhibit symptoms. I am classic AS, given my childhood traits and my husband has been diagnosed with high functioning Autism and is seeing a therapist to deal with comunication and temper. It has been very emotional to realise that we are in fact different, something we felt less when we met each other at 17.

The up side is that, in speaking to friends and family, we are loved although seen as excentric. My husband is very successful as am I. Stories have come out and I am surprised we still have friends when I hear them in the cold light of day! There have been times when my sister in particular visits and she says I just go into my own world, so she leaves the house because I am unresponsive when she tells me she's going. She always thought I was very preoccupied and never know when she leaves but at some point I'll think of her and realise she's left, but never thought much of it, i thought this was normal. My little girl, 4, says I am often in "dreamyland" and she knows to speak to me later. I am stunned by this as I think I am a very alert sociable person, but it has helped me to understand my son more.
Fiona