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3.75 yr boy never asks questions
Hello I am worried about my nephew. He is 3 years 8 months
Speech: His speech is delayed, doesn't talk much, doesn't have many sentences, a lot of speech is not clear. Speech therapy since 2. He never asks questions. He doesn't say "where are we going?" "what/who is this?" No "why" questions at all much less "how." If he is in the supermarket or stores, he doesn't ask for things. But when he sees a toy train in the store, he'd say: "train." But he doesn't ask anyone to get it.
He doesn't have dialog (or no one is comprehending). He plays with his trains by running it along a track. He does ask his sister to play too, by giving her a train and indicating he wants her to run it on the track. He also asks his sister and parents to read a book by taking the book and giving to them and say "Read book." He doesn't use pronouns, and refers to himself as "baby." (eg "baby's turn") But overall, very self-sufficient, doesn't seek constant attention like other 3 year olds.
Eating: He hates meals and food (except candy but doesn't get it much). At most he may pick up a piece of banana from a plate to eat, but refuses to use even a spoon. His mother always feeds him (less messy for all), and he makes no attempt to feed himself, given that he hates to eat anyway.
Showing of affection: He doesn't show affection much, and usually asks to hug only at meals time. Eg if the babysitter is feeding him, he'll ask mom or dad to hug. Otherwise, he's not cuddly or affectionate. He doesn't light up when he sees mom or dad the way he lights up with total joy when he steps into the small trains for a ride at the amusement park.
Responsiveness to name or instructions: Not very responsive to his name. Usually doesn't respond to instructions. His mom thinks he has ADD but I don't think that is the issue. He has perfect attention and concentration when playing with his trains.
Peer relationship: not drawn to other kids like most. When I take him to the playground, he may walk over to watch other kids play, but he won't interact with them, not with speech or even gesture. Just watches
Motor skills: amazing to me, he does no climbing (my son was a big climber, scaling bookshelves daily like it was Mt Everest). He won't attempt any ladders or jungle gym at the playground. His parents think he just timid.
His parents consider him very low-maintenance (he doesn't pester or bother adults), self-sufficient, and non-demanding (doesn't whine for things, only whine at meals because he doesn't want to eat anything), passive and timid but well-behaved. I worry there's something more... I've worked with autistic kids and some bells are going off in my head...
Speech: His speech is delayed, doesn't talk much, doesn't have many sentences, a lot of speech is not clear. Speech therapy since 2. He never asks questions. He doesn't say "where are we going?" "what/who is this?" No "why" questions at all much less "how." If he is in the supermarket or stores, he doesn't ask for things. But when he sees a toy train in the store, he'd say: "train." But he doesn't ask anyone to get it.
He doesn't have dialog (or no one is comprehending). He plays with his trains by running it along a track. He does ask his sister to play too, by giving her a train and indicating he wants her to run it on the track. He also asks his sister and parents to read a book by taking the book and giving to them and say "Read book." He doesn't use pronouns, and refers to himself as "baby." (eg "baby's turn") But overall, very self-sufficient, doesn't seek constant attention like other 3 year olds.
Eating: He hates meals and food (except candy but doesn't get it much). At most he may pick up a piece of banana from a plate to eat, but refuses to use even a spoon. His mother always feeds him (less messy for all), and he makes no attempt to feed himself, given that he hates to eat anyway.
Showing of affection: He doesn't show affection much, and usually asks to hug only at meals time. Eg if the babysitter is feeding him, he'll ask mom or dad to hug. Otherwise, he's not cuddly or affectionate. He doesn't light up when he sees mom or dad the way he lights up with total joy when he steps into the small trains for a ride at the amusement park.
Responsiveness to name or instructions: Not very responsive to his name. Usually doesn't respond to instructions. His mom thinks he has ADD but I don't think that is the issue. He has perfect attention and concentration when playing with his trains.
Peer relationship: not drawn to other kids like most. When I take him to the playground, he may walk over to watch other kids play, but he won't interact with them, not with speech or even gesture. Just watches
Motor skills: amazing to me, he does no climbing (my son was a big climber, scaling bookshelves daily like it was Mt Everest). He won't attempt any ladders or jungle gym at the playground. His parents think he just timid.
His parents consider him very low-maintenance (he doesn't pester or bother adults), self-sufficient, and non-demanding (doesn't whine for things, only whine at meals because he doesn't want to eat anything), passive and timid but well-behaved. I worry there's something more... I've worked with autistic kids and some bells are going off in my head...
Hello, so glad you responded! I am more concerned that my nephew is not very interested in people, kids or adults; not very curious about his environment. When he gets on a plane, he's not interested to sit next to the window and look out. He doesn't see much in his surroundings to be excited about other than trains, cars and trucks. He can recite 1 to 10 but doesn't count. When you ask him to count 3 things, he'll go 1,2,3,4, 5 up till 10 touching those 3 things.
He only started pre-school 2 months ago. The pre-school teachers can't really tell much because his home-language is not English, so every delay is blamed on that. But I know that is not the proper explanation. All my kids and my other siblings' and friends' children were raised in our language (not English). They were not raised bilingual. They were raised in one language till pre-school but now they speak and read (some even write) in 2 languages. Once they went to pre-school, they learned English within a week, especially the most important words "no" and "this is mine, don't touch it" LOL.
And not being English-speakers sure didn't keep our children from interacting with other kids whatever their language or ethnicity, whether by grunts or gestures, children find their own format to interact. When his parents tried to put him in a pre-school program of our language, none of the programs would take him, because he won't follow instructions unless his mother gave them. He is now in a pre-school where the language medium is English and the program takes special needs children. But it isn't easy to assess him because he isn't from an English-speaking home. Thus the teachers can't tell if he understands.
However, other than the language issues (I know kids who have speech issues but are normal, developmentally), I am more concerned about his reduced relatedness to people. Often he seems to not hear his name when called. (His hearing has been tested, is normal.) He doesn't express any desire to interact with other kids, except for fleeting interaction as regards his toy trains.
I can't even envision how he can learn to feed himself because all he wants when food is in sight is to do ANYthing but eat. He'll even pretend to use the potty.
He doesn't communicate his needs much because he doesn't have much needs. He wants little, is undemanding and very self-sufficient. His mother must have thought him a perfect child, so "easy", doesn't pester or ask 1 million questions and talk all day about everything (like my kids). He is her first child (has a half-sister). The mom is an only child, is very career-minded, so she really doesn't know much about children, and has been happy that he is so easy, while I'm scratching my head. A child who is nearing 4 and asks not a single question? no imaginative play? limited interactions with others? Ok, for instance, he shares a room with his half-sister when she's visiting her dad. If she gets out of bed before he falls asleep, he'll follow her to where she goes (bathroom, to get drink of water). But he never asks "what are you doing?" or even "huh?" or grunts a question. Just silently watches her till she asks him to go back to bed, and he'd obey. But that's about as much as he shows interest in what she does. Usually he just does his own thing. He doesn't draw or sing. He likes to watch Thomas the Tank videos. The family read him stories and he'll point out the figures or trains. But no one knows whether he understands the story. It is very very hard for me to say anything to the parents.
Anyone with any ideas, please help!
He only started pre-school 2 months ago. The pre-school teachers can't really tell much because his home-language is not English, so every delay is blamed on that. But I know that is not the proper explanation. All my kids and my other siblings' and friends' children were raised in our language (not English). They were not raised bilingual. They were raised in one language till pre-school but now they speak and read (some even write) in 2 languages. Once they went to pre-school, they learned English within a week, especially the most important words "no" and "this is mine, don't touch it" LOL.
And not being English-speakers sure didn't keep our children from interacting with other kids whatever their language or ethnicity, whether by grunts or gestures, children find their own format to interact. When his parents tried to put him in a pre-school program of our language, none of the programs would take him, because he won't follow instructions unless his mother gave them. He is now in a pre-school where the language medium is English and the program takes special needs children. But it isn't easy to assess him because he isn't from an English-speaking home. Thus the teachers can't tell if he understands.
However, other than the language issues (I know kids who have speech issues but are normal, developmentally), I am more concerned about his reduced relatedness to people. Often he seems to not hear his name when called. (His hearing has been tested, is normal.) He doesn't express any desire to interact with other kids, except for fleeting interaction as regards his toy trains.
I can't even envision how he can learn to feed himself because all he wants when food is in sight is to do ANYthing but eat. He'll even pretend to use the potty.
He doesn't communicate his needs much because he doesn't have much needs. He wants little, is undemanding and very self-sufficient. His mother must have thought him a perfect child, so "easy", doesn't pester or ask 1 million questions and talk all day about everything (like my kids). He is her first child (has a half-sister). The mom is an only child, is very career-minded, so she really doesn't know much about children, and has been happy that he is so easy, while I'm scratching my head. A child who is nearing 4 and asks not a single question? no imaginative play? limited interactions with others? Ok, for instance, he shares a room with his half-sister when she's visiting her dad. If she gets out of bed before he falls asleep, he'll follow her to where she goes (bathroom, to get drink of water). But he never asks "what are you doing?" or even "huh?" or grunts a question. Just silently watches her till she asks him to go back to bed, and he'd obey. But that's about as much as he shows interest in what she does. Usually he just does his own thing. He doesn't draw or sing. He likes to watch Thomas the Tank videos. The family read him stories and he'll point out the figures or trains. But no one knows whether he understands the story. It is very very hard for me to say anything to the parents.
Anyone with any ideas, please help!
You are a nice aunt, for sure. Your nephew sounds like a sweet little boy. Whether he is autistic or not, I do not know. But until his parents are willing to look into it, you're stuck wondering. I imagine when he enters preschool (has he done that yet?)--- the school personel will talk to his parents. If it is a good school that is. A bad school will see him as no bother and just let it go. The school that my sons go to/ went to are very into early intervention. They make a lot of parents mad when they suggest looking further at a child's behavior or issues. That is the problem, I'm afraid with your sister/brother. They might react badly to your suggestion that something more may be going on. If you do intend on discussing it with them, you will have to tread very lightly.
Also some other things to consider------ his speech delay may be having a very BIG affect. It would interfere with many things beyond just being understood. Socially, having a speech delay is very difficult for a child. How do you interact with peers if you don't always understand them and they don't always understand you? Receptive and expressive language seem very delayed beyond just articulation from your description. I'm sure the speech therapist is addressing this but it would make things very difficult for him as I said in many areas. He can't follow directions if he can't understand them. He can't ask kids to play if he can't express himself.
There is also something besides just autism that could cause everything that you've mentioned. SEnsory integration disorder or sensory processing disorder. This is a delay of the nervous system (my son has this). It can be by itself or with autism. Motor planning issues would cause a child to not climb (can't quite figure out how to do it), ride a bike, feed himself. All of those things are indicators of sensory. There are two sides of sensory----- the child that sits quietly not doing anything, saying anything, particupating. He is unable to do the hand motions to a son the rest of a group is doing, he wanders the room avoiding most of the things others are doing and is just observing, tasks such as dressing, etc. are slow. Etc. My son is the opposite. He is running around the room banging into everyone, knocking things over, also unable to focas because his system is in overdrive, etc. My son gets noticed, your nephew doesn't. Google sensory integration disorder and see what you think. An occupational therapist diagnosis it and occupational therapy is basically play therapy. Kids love it. My son goes once a week (been going since 4 and he is now almost 6) and we do lots of activities at home (he thinks they are all FUN!). My son is doing fantastic---- he is happy, doing great in kindergarten, has friends, and most who don't know would never suspect he has a developmental delay.
One last thing----- if they continue to feed him, he will not learn. Doing for them while easier at times and cleaner just prolongs the problem. I dressed my son for a long time not realizing that I needed to let him learn himself. He was so slow on buttons, but got it. He's self sufficient now. Feeding himself would be the same way.
Good luck to you. If you'd like some sensory activity ideas, let me know.
Also some other things to consider------ his speech delay may be having a very BIG affect. It would interfere with many things beyond just being understood. Socially, having a speech delay is very difficult for a child. How do you interact with peers if you don't always understand them and they don't always understand you? Receptive and expressive language seem very delayed beyond just articulation from your description. I'm sure the speech therapist is addressing this but it would make things very difficult for him as I said in many areas. He can't follow directions if he can't understand them. He can't ask kids to play if he can't express himself.
There is also something besides just autism that could cause everything that you've mentioned. SEnsory integration disorder or sensory processing disorder. This is a delay of the nervous system (my son has this). It can be by itself or with autism. Motor planning issues would cause a child to not climb (can't quite figure out how to do it), ride a bike, feed himself. All of those things are indicators of sensory. There are two sides of sensory----- the child that sits quietly not doing anything, saying anything, particupating. He is unable to do the hand motions to a son the rest of a group is doing, he wanders the room avoiding most of the things others are doing and is just observing, tasks such as dressing, etc. are slow. Etc. My son is the opposite. He is running around the room banging into everyone, knocking things over, also unable to focas because his system is in overdrive, etc. My son gets noticed, your nephew doesn't. Google sensory integration disorder and see what you think. An occupational therapist diagnosis it and occupational therapy is basically play therapy. Kids love it. My son goes once a week (been going since 4 and he is now almost 6) and we do lots of activities at home (he thinks they are all FUN!). My son is doing fantastic---- he is happy, doing great in kindergarten, has friends, and most who don't know would never suspect he has a developmental delay.
One last thing----- if they continue to feed him, he will not learn. Doing for them while easier at times and cleaner just prolongs the problem. I dressed my son for a long time not realizing that I needed to let him learn himself. He was so slow on buttons, but got it. He's self sufficient now. Feeding himself would be the same way.
Good luck to you. If you'd like some sensory activity ideas, let me know.
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