possible autism

i have a daughter that turned 8 in april and the problem is im not getting any straight answers about her,she was born 4 weeks early and was pretty much normal delivery.she was a very sick child all the time she had ear infections every other month the first 3 yrs of her life,she didnt sit up till she was 7 months,never crawled,walked at 13 months,had few words and lost most of them by 18 months,her language was and is delayed,she hates coats,tight clothes,hats,seatbelts,anything with a collar,will only eat certain food very restricted,she loves water,is very heat sensative she will go into rage when she gets overheated at all,she is extremly agressive espessialy if u interrupt her play or if she does not like a certain sound.she also is not potty trained and loves to make odd repetative sounds.her sleep pattern is way off she will usualy not go to bed till about 11 pm sometimes later,she loves to line up everything or put it in groups.she never had many words till she was 5 and even now she is verbal but its delayed and she cant initiate conversations or keep one going.her social skills are way off she has to play her way or she will scream and cry and walk away,she has no friends just her siblings and a couple cousins whom are younger then her.she has one friend who is 5 and she will only play with her if the little girl does what my daughter says if she dont she will not try to negotiate or anything she will just get up and walk away.when we go anywhere she cries that she dont want to go we have to force her and then when we do get there she is usually very cranky or she she wants to lay in the cart covered up.she also does this thing with her hands she likes to open and close her hands repetavily when she wants me to pick her up or when she is upset about something or when she is excited.any ideas  would be great.she also loves to jump,spin,or make me fly her,or swing,she even likes to sometimes jump while walkin.

[Sally44]

I recognise alot of what you are saying as being on the autistic spectrum and being down to sensory issues.
You say your daughter is 8.  Has she got a diagnosis?  What type of school is she at?
If she hasn't been seen by a multi-disciplinary team through Health (not school), then you should ask for an evaluation.
For the diagnostic criteria of an autistic spectrum disorder google DSM IV for autism (I think the code is 299).  That will tell you the kind of behaviours the specialists will be looking for.  You have mentioned alot of them.  Your daughter had language delay/problems.  She has social interaction difficulties (may demand to play always in her way as she have rigid behaviours or lack of imagination and therefore needs to keep control).  You have also mentioned sensory stuff which usually accompanies an autistic spectrum disorder.  Your daughter seems to have problems with light, tactile (feeling of clothes on body), doesn't like anything tight on her, heat sensitive, likes spinning/flying etc.
Google the name Olga Bogdashina and read an article by her in Autism Today.  She has been invited to give seminars in our city to professionals and parents.  Her sensory profile questionnaire is also used by our professionals.  This questionnaire is at the back of her book Sensory and Perceptual Differences in Autism and Aspergers.
I think if you start the evaluation and look up/read DSM IV for autism and Olga's article (and buy the book if you can), you will have a much better understanding of your daughter and alot of her behaviours will make sense.

[Sally44]

I just wanted to add that your daughter does sound alot like my son, who is diagnosed with an autistic spectrum disorder, severe speech/communication disorder and sensory difficulties.  He is presently at mainstream school and is about 2 years behind his peers academically (although he is bright and of at least average intelligence), but I am attempted to move him to a school with expertise in autism/communication difficulties in September.  I have decided to do this because children on the spectrum tend to learn differently and his present school does not have the expertise or knowledge to try different approaches to teaching.  He is aged 7 and I do not want him to leave school being unable to read or write because I think he is capable of it.  If you want any more advice please post again.

[jody1972]

thanku for ur advice and i can also add that my daughter also seems to have an obbsession with dolls and animals because everything she talks about or wants 95% of the time either has to be about animals or dolls,she will whine and cry if u just say unitentionaly that a certain doll or animal is ugly its rediculious.everytime we go to walmart she whines to go to the toy isles and she goes right for dolls everytime she has alot of dolls right now from small to big to porcelien.has far as animals go she has a dog,hamster and guinea pig and she is constantly trying to put them in ur face and she wants u to hear her talk about them all the time whether u want to listen or not if u try to say ok because u have heard enough she will cry.ITS BAD.SOUND FAMILIAR?

[Sally44]

Children on the spectrum tend to have what they called a 'limited range of interests and activities' rather than a general curiosity about everything.  They can also be almost obsessive about these interests.  Usually children on the autistic spectrum tend to talk less.  If they have Aspergers they tend to have the more obsessive interests and tend to want to talk about them all the time regardless of whether the other person is interested or not.  But children with Aspergers tend not to have speech delays or problems.  Notice I keep using the word 'tend' because there is always the exception to the rule.  It is also possible that the repeated ear infections were responsible for the language delay rather than autism, but that there are other autistic and sensory traits.
Although the continual talking can drive you mad, you need to start to teach her how to be more socially appropriate (if indeed you think she is cognitively capable of doing so).  You would probably need specialist advice/help on this, which is why it is so important to get the evaluations done and a diagnosis.
But usually they may use things like a time timer so that she speaks until her time runs out.  You can also use Social Stories to explain about talking to people.  You can also use a time out gesture for her to understand you have had enough and now she must stop.  At least your daughter is verbal which is a good sign and something you can work with.  If she were completely non-verbal you would be wishing for her to say her first word.

[grandmapenny]

Is your daughter's hearing normal now?  You mentioned that she has frequent ear infections the first 3 years.  That can lead to language difficulties - specifically auditory processing disorder.  It sounds like she has more than that going on, but it might be worth looking into.