How long did it take for you to fully accept?

[vbc2000]

Hi my new forum friends :)
Feeling "unwell" is not new to me.  I've been struggling daily with not being able to be as active as I used to be and not feeling "normal" for about 5 years now because of my hypoglycemia (hyperinsulinism really).  I found a little relief last year when I started taking Metformin but not much because little did I know, I had NCS too!  It was a great relief to have it diagnosed as NCS finally because it gave me hope that I would find more relief.  Haven't found the right treatment yet so the relief I felt that they found what the problem was, has quickly worn off.  I'm back to realizing that I probably will never feel "normal" again...well my old normal!  I thought I had accepted this long ago with the hypoglycemia but obviously I haven't.

I guess I still have hope that I will be a little better someday soon with the right treatment, but I'm trying to be realistic too.  It seems like once you are diagnosed with an Autonomic disorder, because there's no cure, you probably won't feel the same again.

So my question is...how long did it take you to REALLY accept that you were not going to be your old self again?  Or is that not something you have to accept?  I assume you have to accept it at some point to move on and find some peace with the way things are now.  I'm not a naturally optimistic person but I sure try to always hold on to hope and remember I don't have it as bad as alot of people.  Thanks in advance.
Stephanie

[vbc2000]

Hi Marie and Beema,
Thanks for writing :)  

Beema - I think us naturally pessimistic people could learn alot from what Marie has to say.  Hopefully from being here, we can both start looking at things a little differently.

Marie - this says it all "the willingness to let go of old dreams and create new ones".  I loved that and I think it really is a good lesson...thank you for that :)  I agree with your husband...you ARE a hopeless optimist which really is a gift.  I'm so sorry you have so much to deal with.  I'm so glad you can still enjoy your garden.  I love gardening as well and with my husband's help with digging, I was able to plant alot of perrenials that will keep on giving without much effort.  It's fall here in NY now and it's my favorite season so I'm going to enjoy it and let it feed my soul.  Lots of challenges coming up...but I'm hoping to do well with them.  Thanks for the uplifting message :)
Stephanie

[beema36]

Thanks Marie! Ur definitely an optimist. I admire that as I find myself.so often being negative and that's not good.
Keeping my home up has become a real.struggle for me in the last yr. My dh tries his best to fill in the gaps but he works long days 6 days a week and its exhausting him although he doesn't complain. And if course let's face it men and women look at ok housekeeping differently:) Wish we could afford a housekeeper but can't so I am trying to figure out how to deal with this. Anyway reading your post realize I need to brainstorm and figure out how I.can do things differently.
Beema

[mtgardner]

Hello again Stephanie...:)

I think I was in shock for a good three months.  I was trying to tile a floor when all kind of hit the fan and I could not bend over and stay conscious.  Then after  testing I had a diagnoses.  Suddenly not being able to do things I always took for granted and things I liked to do...even walking up hills, was a shock.  I kind of dropped out of normal life until I got my bearings...Some days I just sat and read or watched TV and it really was difficult physically to walk across the room.  This was when I was having so many fluctuations in my BP. I really needed the time and space to process what was going on.
I am glad I did not have anyone rushing me through this period.

Even tho I am what my husband calls "A Hopeless Optimist" I suddenly felt like I was staring at my own mortality.  My husband and I took stock of the gaps in our knowledge of how the household runs as I suddenly felt very vulnerable.  He was a rock and is my biggest source of understanding and for this I am very grateful.

I started reading everything I could and asking for tests I thought might shed light on any deficiencies.  I started doing everything I could to stack the deck in my favor health wise.  It sounds to me like those here do that too and I have learned a lot from others on this forum.  

After that it was figuring out how to re-pace myself and change things so I could still do some of the things I enjoy perhaps in a different way.  I started looking seriously at how much energy is required to do things.  I used to spend two hours a day in summer happily standing and watering my beloved gardens. I still hand water a few of the smaller gardens but I have rotational sprinklers elsewhere now.  My thought is if I need to get someone to help with gardening at some point then I will do that.  My husband helps with some of it now that I normally would have done myself before.  The point is I still enjoy the gardens....I even am considering installing recliners in more spots.  I put in a few outdoor  folding ones...made innovative outdoor footstools so I can still sit albeit with my feet up now and enjoy the flowers and birds.    

I too keep finding out I have more things to consider medically.  I had several small strokes this past year and have a familial type high cholesterol that requires treatment.  My Hashimoto's thyroid I found was causing some problems and I am in the midst of titrating thyroid meds. I have some neuropathy developing in my feet.  Sometimes it does feel like a juggling act!   Just keeping the supplements and meds in the  right order and working them into the day is a challenge. I have been having some trouble with swallowing of late and we are thinking I have a sleep disorder that needs checking out.  Sometimes just getting on the schedule appts. and tests is a major hassle.

Besides all this we all have families...and some have part time jobs....and we have households that need to continue functioning.  I have really pared down on what I expect myself to do household wise.  I also try to be good to myself...making sure I still enjoy friendships just not going out as often...and get out of the house and enjoy the outdoors.  ...Most of my appts. are some distance away so I try to schedule them so I have two on one day so I don't have so many trips back-and-forth which I find tiring.

I find the things that sustain me the most besides friendships and comraderie are a sense-of-humor, a bit of subborness, a huge dose of optimism, curiosity, and the willingness to let go of old dreams and create new ones. I still live in the same world I just interact with it in a different way that suits me better now.  Marie

[beema36]

Stephanie- I don't know that Answer. I was diagnosed with ms in 2000 and AD in 2009 and I am nowhere near accepting either one. I know I should  learn to accept but juat don't know how.:(