Is it normal?

[1975sam]

Is it normal to be afraid?  I'm 11 weeks and 1 day pregnant today, and am terrified that I am going to lose this one as well.  We are already 5 weeks past when we miscarried our baby the last time, but I can't help but think that it is going to happen again.  So much so, that I have a hard time even believing that I am pregnant even though everything we are told is progressing beautifully.  I'm having a hard time "bonding" with this baby, is this a normal defense mechanism?  When will it go away, and when will I be able to open my heart to this wonderful little miracle that is growing inside of me?

[LilSissy03]

It must be normal b/c even though I am still ttc after my m/c, I already worry about all of those things! Plus, even women who have never suffered a m/c worry they could lose the baby. It's so hard NOT to stress, let alone telling someone else not to stress b/c it's seems to just be a natural part of pregnancy and parenthood! I have read that it can take a little longer to start bonding after m/c, and with good reason, but I think that's another part of the process and will come naturally.... eventually.

Sorry for your loss, pain and fear! Congrats on your new hope, love and blessing!

[DMarie919]

It is completely normal.  I remember crying on my way to my 12 wk. u/s fearing that something would be wrong.  I had a loss in Feb 09 at 7 weeks.  I was a mess probably until about the 20 week u/s.  Unfortunately having a loss makes us all very vulnerable and aware of how fragile and precious life is. But, on the other hand, I think that makes us unique in that we know what a wonderful blessing we have been given and we treasure life even more.  Good luck. :)

[bam1014]

Sam - It really hit home for DH and I when that doctor said that magical sentnance to us.  I just keep repeating it to myself when I get scared.

I'll be 35 in February so I get the whole age thing.  Just remember it's common practice for women to have pregnancies at that age.  I can't even count how many of my MH friends are 35 or older and have happy healthy babies.

I'm glad that you are able to find comfort in our group.  You are welcome with very open arms!

[1975sam]

I am truly sorry for your 2 losses.  I can only imagine how much more anxious you may be since it is compounded.  I too am super paranoid, and although I look forward to my next U/S on Sept 7th, my fiance is not going to be able to be there & I'm terrified of getting bad news.  I pray that I hear a heartbeat, and hear reassuring words from my obgyn that everything is progressing well.  I am doing genetic testing as well around my 15-18th week.  My appointment is scheduled on Oct 28th for that.  The only reason why my Dr. feels like I should do it is because of my age (35).  I pray you find peace and receive great news soon that everything is just fine.  Surround yourself with loving friends and family as their strength will help you.

[1975sam]

I have not talked with my Dr. about my anxiety, but I do have an appointment on Sept 7th.  Although I would never wish these similar feelings/thoughts on anyone else, you women have really made me feel like I am not alone.  Thank you all!

[1975sam]

Thank you for your reply to my post.  There was one sentence in particular that hit me upside the head and made me tear up.  (It was what your doctor said to you)  "You need to stop worrying about losing a baby and start worrying about raising one".  I know the stress isn't healthy for the baby nor myself, and I just needed that to wake me up!!  I appreciate it, it really gave me some peace.  It has allowed me to start accepting the fact that not only do I need to let go of my previous loss, but to start loving the miracle that is growing inside of me now.  Thank you again.    

[anxiouslywaiting910]

It really ***** but as Bridgette said it is "normal.". I had 2 losses before this pregnancy so I think it has made me super paranoid...I had just started letting my guard down at 15 weeks and 3 ultrasounds later then got some news that my baby boy could possibly have downs syndrome and all my fear came right back. I wish I never would have got the blood screening since I now know there is alot of false positives. But anywho eventually the fear will go away as things progress. The smoother things go the quicker it will go away... But I am over protective with my 10 year old stepson so I think I am a worrier anyways lol good luck and congrats!!

[bam1014]

Unfortunately it is very very normal.  I had a loss at 8 weeks in 2008.  It took us a VERY long time to get that BFP and now to get this one (ultimately through IUI).  I'm 21 weeks and still have fear in my heart.  I too am having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I am pg.  I have spent so long protecting my heart, that I haven't learned how to let it go yet.

I was a hysterical mess at my 10w dr's appt and begged for a u/s.  Dr wouldn't give me one, but did get out a fetal heart doppler and then definitely helped.

Finally at my 20w appt, my dr looked at me and said "you need to stop worrying about losing a baby and start worrying about raising one".

I haven't bonded yet, but I have no doubt in my heart that I will when the time comes.  At 11w I woudn't worry about it yet.  Your baby will know how loved he/she is in due time.

I did buy a fetal heart doppler for at home and use it from time to time.  But the best thing is I just take one day at a time and try to enjoy each moment for what it is worth.

Good luck and please feel free to jump on our belly buddies thread.  I promise to update it soon :o

[mol6541]

Hi. I think it is normal to be afraid and I can understand you trying to protect yourself. I had a loss in march and am now 8 weeks pregnant. I too am scared but am taking one day at a time and trying to enjoy my pregnancy. I think we will all be scared until we have our little bundles of joy in our arms. I'm trying to leave things in gods hands and enjoy the gift I've been given.  

Have you talked to your doctor about your concerns and fear?  Do you think there is anything they can do that might help ease your mind?