Running out of options-RN turned patient

[SLadylani]

Hi, I'm Sara, I normally post as an RN on this forum, but this time I trully need support in my life. Sorry in advance for the long post...needed to vent and give a background. I just got off the phone with a mother in which a complete role reversal has occured. Amazing really. I remained calm and collected on the phone while my mother attacked and blamed me and was full of defense mechanisms. Eventually I said I had to let her go as this was simply an unhealthy phonecall and I did not want to take her stress on. But I fear I did anyway.

As a lot of you know I have over 4 years clean in NA and am fully committed to living my life around it. I go to all the meetings I can and took on a huge service committment, Outreach Chair, and I feel a lot of purpose as I can see all the help I am doing.

To start with last week, my best friend asked me to give her friend pain killers and couldn't understand why I wouldn't do that. After that I realized I could no longer be friends with that person as she was using prescription pills. 3 days later I had to put my only trully friend, my love, my strength, my hope, my baby 6 month old kitten to sleep from a rare parasite that came on suddenly. I got her ashes back today. On that same day I lost my soul mate/ex boyfriend/ current whatever you call it as he blamed my cats death on me and said some awlfull unforgiveable things. That's 3 friends in 3 days. He was also a financial support for me.

During my time of grief I turned to one of my few friends left, who didn't answer or return my phonecalls, and when he did call back a week later he said he just needed a break from the phone. I realized he wasn't really i friend at all as I would go completely out of the way for him, but he has never done anything in return. I have 2 friends left, and one of them is sexually attracted to me.

Today I found out from the job that I was about to start-I went through the orienatation process, signed the W-2 and everything, and they said I couldn't be hired because of a mistake they made with my drug screen, which accidentally turned out positive, despite my documentation of legallity. My mom has stated she can't support me anymore and I need to work. I know in my heart I'm incapable of working but went along with this anyway as I felt pushed by my mother. It was probably a God sent that they couldn't hire me.

My mother flipped out and somehow managed to blame me for everything. She said she can't support me anymore and i don't know what to do. I just moved to San diego and have made a home here, I'm involved in NA, and except for the constant pain, bowel problems, and exhaustion, I am generally happy and accept my life and condition. I don't want to move and don't even know what family memeber could take me in. I already only have 2 friends here, and it took me a year to make them, I don't want to start again.

I've applied for disability and SSI again and am waiting to hear back. got denied the first time as "I hadn't worked for enough years" and was too young. ********. In my opinion it's because I don't have a clear cut diagnosis. I could easily get it for my back injury, but my stupid doctor can't manage to get my records together to fax them over to the orthepedist she reffered me to so I can get an MRI and a diagnosis. I could also easily get in there for my past mental history, but I've never been more emotionally stable than this before and don't want to be labeled as a psych case-which is what doctors call me now anyway because they can't find cause for me symptoms.

I switch insurances next month and get a new primary. I hope, just hope that this one will listen and do for me what other doctors haven't. It's really my only shot. I just feel if I get a diagnosis I can get disability and SSI and won't have to worry about my mom supporting me. I don't want to end up homeless or turning to that guy as I don't want to give myself to him just to get support from him in return, even though he has offered to give me support regardless.

Any ideas or suggestions right now would be great. Or if anyone would be willing to talk to my mom....kiding. I just am so scared and my luck hasn't been that great the past couple of years, so what reason do I have to beleive that my luck will turn around?

Sara

[SLadylani]

Goodness, I am sso sorry you are going through this. You're unfortunately right about the fact that most friends can't tolerate having a friend around them who's in constant pain and has health problems, and unfortunaelty I've found humans can be selfish in nature and choose themselves and ditch the needy friend. And what hurts most is that, for me at least, what we need most is a friend to go through this with us and someone to speak up for us, an advocate, when the doctors don't listen. Really, it's hard to go through this alone. I see health programs on TV and find that most always when an adult child gets 'sick" the mother or other family come rushing and are there to care for them, no matter what. It's frustrating for me that my mother is the direct opposite. It's good that you've already had tests performed, so you do know what's wrong and what's causing the pain. So you have tangible proof. I recommened you get some kind of form of copies or records of these diagnosis and keep them with you, or in your car at all times. I, as an RN, can easily look at your diagnosis and see that you would be having obvious pain, and if you were asking for pain meds, it';s probably not because you're a drug addict. I've been called either a drug addict, hypochondriac, or psych case by 95%of doctors I've seen since turning 18 and since the start of my autoimmune diagnosis and then back injury. A doctor doesn't want to beleive there's anything wrong with a 23 year old, especially being that I have low-income insurance, they deal with a lot od drug addicts, so they automatically throw me in that catergory. If you can beleive it I've actually been sent official letters from 2 different hospitals asking me not to come back and to get all my narcotics from one doctor, and that I would only be treated there if it was a true emergency. Well at that time I only had catastrophic insurance hence only ER visits were covered which is why I went there...What I can tell you is my pain management doctor has so far been a blessing. I've had to pay out of pocket so far, but hopefully next month my new insurance will pick up. She knows that because I'm there, I'm in pain, and takes me seriously. Last week for instance I made a propasal to up my meds quite a bit, as I was desperate for releif and feared starting work soon. She didn't give me what I wanted exactly, but did a comprimise with me saying we needed to do a slow increase. So far so good with her. What I do that seems to work so far, but that does look bad if one is accusing me of being a drug addict, is I go to different doctors and if I don;t like them, I don;t go back, and I'll schedule an appoitnemtn with another. I'm not going to continue to go back to a place where I'm considered a drug addict and not beleived. And thus far I have a good rheumatologist and pain management doctor. I have yet to find an orthepedist, primary, and GI pro. But what I do when I am as much as you are, is I don't give up no matter what until I get releif, and I will keep going back to that same ER to get releif until some wise doctor catches on that perhaps a script would keep me at bay for a month. Perhaps that could be a solution for you while you're on the wait list to get into a pain management specialist. Start doing some research and see who you can find in your area. See if there's any online reviews of them. If you have insurance, go with what that covers, if your insurance does not cover any, then compare prices. An initial vosot averages $200-250, but it is worth the price! You will get a 30 day supply from the same doctor, each month, and he/she will work with you in finding what suits you. They also offer additions to medications to provide releif such as injections, epidurals, etc. As far as the friends go, I'm working on that myself. I did a renalysis of my situation and realized the 2-3 friends I thought I had really aren't friends at all, as they aren't ever there for me. I've also realized that perhaps I need to muster up the courage to do what I first did when I got to San Diego, reach out to the people who reached out to me. Perhaps start calling those acquaintences that I never called a freind, but when thinking, have always been willing to be there for me. But for me the truth is I can't do anything really unless my pain is under some control, as when it's not I'm in a bed bound isolative state. What helps me is posting on this website often, I answer questions a lot and am friends with sveral others. That gives me a purpose aand hope. I also recommend that maybe you think about just starting the application process for disability and SSI. It will give you an option and get you started if work is getting to be too much. It can always be temporary if you feel up to going back 6 months from now. So that's basically it for me. I stay out of myself as much as I can by being of service, take care of myself and advocate for pain releif, and don't give up no matter what, even if all seems too much or like there's no hope at all. And what I have found as well is that life seems so much worse when I am in pain. So one of my main goals of the day is to remain pain free. I hope you can use some of the info I posted, and let us know how you're doing, as I certainly care about you, just knowing that you've been where I have been. For now I wish you an easy road to finding releif full of good blessings on the way :) Sorry for the long post, I just blahhhhed I little bit.. Take care,

Sara

[ConfusedHeather]

Hello..
well i read your post and you guys sound like my life. I am down to the bottom and feel very overwelmed with my overall life right now. I am broke and living off what my dad willl give me once in a while. I went to a doctor about two weeks ago and i was also called an opiate addict. i about flipped. i asked him to please help me because I am in so much pain, it hurts to get out of bed, in my bed, brush my teeth.... ect....
what are we suppose to do? i want to just go to the hospital, cry till i get someone to help me, and then hug them if they give in. I have scolosis, 3 herniated disk, and a tear in one of them. I try to go to work but its getting worse and worse. i am getting very depressed. I just got out of a relationship so i have no friends where i live because that person did not allow me to have friends. I want to move back home but i dont really get a lot of support from my family. I have messed up every relationship i have been in because of my pain. People just dont want to be with someone who is constant pain and cant do the normal daily life things. Where do i go from here.... how do i get out of this rut?

[SLadylani]

Thank you so much for responding! I normally do get a copy of all tests performed, but this xray which I'm trying to get is from a probono chiropractor, so I feel I have no right to demand things as he really owes me nothing. My primary doctor did order her own set of xrays which I have a copy of, but they were views of when I was lying down, and I fear the injury will not show up as severe and I will be turned down from the orthepedist.

I did call the orthepedist today however and found out that even with the xrays I might not get in, as they like to see patients with a full work up already done-MRIs and everything. My doctors won't do anything for me. Like you, I have to beg to get my tests done. I tried once going to the ER and saying I had cervical neck trauma, but even they said I would have to go to my primary to get the MRI done. It's ridiculous.

That's why as soon as this all works out and I get a clear cut diagnosis, I intend to file several malpractice cases and cases of slander/libel, as like you said, I have looked at some of my medical records at hospitals and doctors and nurses have written down things I never said and even called me an outright Opiate addict. As soon as this is all over I know exactly which doctors to go back to and file suit again, because this is absolutely absurd that it's this hard to get care. I do think part of it is my insurance as I have read about other people on this website complaining of stomache pain and who's doctors gave them a who;le work up, whereas mine ignore the issue.

I went to apply for food stamps today and found a pamphlet giving a website and phone number, and local office, about a place with attorneys and others that can assist in the whole disability and SSI process, including applications, appeals, and in court hearings. If I do get denied this time (which hopefully I won't as I know they did talk to one of my doctors at least and he signed paperwork attesting that I was disabled and in poverty), I will definitely go to them. Let me know if you want their info.

Thank you again for responding. It's nice to know someone responded to my post, even though it was long :). I wish you the best of luck on your journey as well and am sending good thoughts and best wishes your way. Take care and have a pain free night,

Sara

[Jrsygrl109]

Kudos to you for maintaining your sobriety and making great choices in recognizing unhealthy relationships - I had to cut my mother out of my life about 1.5 years ago cause she is a very unhappy person who did nothing but put me down my entire life.  She also decided to be a better buddy to my abusive ex than to be a mother to me (this went on for 13 yrs after my divorce!)
Please don't leave it up to your doc to get your records over to the orthopedist. I always keep a copy of all of my medical tests - from bloodwork to MRIs - always ask for a copy of the test results (in the case of xrays, c-scans and MRI's also get a copy of the pics - you can get either films or the pics on a computer disk). This way you have the information for when you need it. Also get any progress notes from doctors such as the orthopedic and REVIEW them - I found sooo many blatant inaccuracies in my notes that I had to file a complaint against one doctor for documenting tests that were not performed.
Keep in mind that it can take up to 2 years to get SSD - its a long, tedious, frustrating process where you have to fill out the same forms over and over and over.  I'm in the process now cause I can't work any longer due to back and neck problems (I've had 4 surgical procedures done on my spine).  I filled out the same 15-page report 3 times in 6 months.
It's rare to find a doc that really "listens". It takes years to build a relationship with a doc and even then it sometimes just does not work out. I had a doctor for many years that would simply NOT listen and I had to force him to do MRIs, etc.  All three times there were serious problems with my spine requiring major surgery - I finally dumped him.  He single-handenly has undermined my WC case cause he did not believe me when I told him I had stabbing pains in my hip after an accident at work.  14 months after the fact I had an MRI done and it turned out that I had a huge herniated disk above where my fusion was.  Gee - thanks doc!
Good Luck!