I can't stop myself from lying

I always lie. I can't help it, its not for attention, its not because of fear, i have just always lied, about stupid things and about serious things, i've hurt a lot of people without them knowing it, i use them, i watch them emotionally hurt and know it's because of me, part of me wants to care and feel that, feel sorry for them, and to just stop myself, but somehow i just dont feel that, i feel satisfied because they dont know it's me and i've gotten away with. i've notcied it recently, it's getting worse, i made someone up, pretended they were real, and tricked my friend, they never found it was me, but they hurt for so long, and for some reason it didnt effect me, i've even lied to the police before, and recently i lied about someone dying too. i feel like i'm a sick, disgusting person, but i cant stop myself, i want to, but everyday i lie, i live a lie, i lie to my best friends, to my teachers, to my family, to people i dont know, to both of my counsellors ( i have counselling because i lied about having problems incidently, its just an emotional let out really when i talk to them, every word i say to both of them is a lie), and they all believe me, none of them suspect a single thing. I'm never scared of getting found out, because i just i lie my way out of it. and when i do get found out, i love the challenge they give me, then i just lie my way out of it. I'm starting to worry myself though. it has pushed everyone away from me, im not close to anyone, but i doesnt feel it effects me much, because i just lie and lie and lie, but no one can see through me, they trust me and they would never suspect me, they think they are close to me and know who i am, but i don't think anyone knows the real me anymore. what is wrong with me? i'm hurting so many people, and so badly, and lately it has dropped me into a lot of trouble, i haven't told anyone, truthfully i'm scared of telling people, but i fear for other people now. at one point i did think 'yes i will stop now' but it didnt, it just got worse, and worse, and the thing is, i'm good at it, everything is thought out, i have an answer for everything, i've lied for aslong as i can remember, i just cannot stop, and my own parents have never suspected a thing.

[susieq87]

You obviously get a lot of satisfaction from lying.  You know it is not the right thing to do as a life based on lies will compound and you yourself will start believing them.  For your sake, for your life, for your future, if you hate it that much, there is gonna be bad reprecussions as trust in relationships is one of the most important things.  It says a lot about your self-esteem and you as a person.  Let the sunshine in and just one day call up your counselor and tell the truth, turn it around, see what happens, love yourself.

[diemyn]

Ah, you've touched on something profound there; you lie because you enjoy the challenge. Life would be a lot less interesting if you didn't make it more so, right? And what POWER rushes through us when we get away with it for YEARS, right? I mean, you are creating people, events, even yourself; you must feel like a god. I know I did. Now I know I am. It might be that you need, really really need, to create. We are all creators; creating experience, creating and re-creating ourselves almost constantly. But in the process of mastering our domain and twirling the world on the tip of a finger we sometimes forget where the lie ends and where we begin. So in your reality you've made a little mess and need to clean it up now. Things aren't moving so smoothly under your control anymore. Well, you've created those obstacles and this whole experience for some reason. Maybe you are hiding an ugly truth from yourself and your loved ones. If you even have loved ones. It may be that you have so far removed yourself from the normal human experience you don't even feel anything for them most of the time. But here you post panic, awareness, that it's time to change. The world, your reality, is a reflection of yourself. If you are lying about it, in it, and all around, you are really lying to yourself; perhaps delaying the inevitable realization that you are god, creator, of the way to walk the path you've chosen. Perhaps avoiding responsibility. Try putting some of that effort you funnel into fibbing into something positive in your life. As you sound so far removed and truly like myself in the past I'd recommend you find love for yourself. Love yourself without condition. It's never too late to start looking at things in a new way and you know that;have spent a lot of time learning it. Go out and apply it. If you don't, the transparency you feel now will only grow until your inability to be honest with yourself and your world causes you so much pain that it cannot be ignored, cannot be hidden, cannot be drowned out by little entertainments.(like emotionally crushing your peers) You don't want to wake up one day with a gaping hole in your soul. Geez, you may already be there, I hope not. That gut sucking terror that you will never feel anything for anyone or for yourself ever again can be very damaging. Fear only magnifies whatever we apply it too. So by being afraid that you are spiraling out of control, you are ensuring the downward spiral will continue. You are a magnificent creator, however, and have at your disposal the ability to change reality. You do that by changing the only thing you have absolute control over; yourself. I wish you the best and the worst and everything in betwixt the two.

Love and Light,
Diemyn

[jo929]

yes i imagine you get a kick out of it just to get attention also to feed your ego and lying is an attention getter is it not would you get as much attention and feed your ego if you were to tell the truth also you rte lying to people because of other reasons and i do think you know why you tell some of these lies my dear you had better listen to the above comments and turn your life around  before it all catches up with you one of these days it will and what then.you sound like the little girl that cried wollf to many time people ran to help n one of these days you may cry wolf and there will be nobody around so please turn your life around how would you feel if you were hurt by someone telling a lie I feel sorry for you it is sad when one has to lie to get attention   best wishes  for a new person to emerge   jo