how often do you think about it coming back?

[popvendr321]

Last week when I told my doctor that I wanted my breasts off because I know that I will always be wondering if it is back, he told me that it is because I am still going through it, that in a year from now I won't be thinking of it as often. Is that true? I had a scare last week.came out ok, but when I told the doctor who was going to do the biopsy that I check everyday, she said stop doing that, don't check so often.
I look at it this way, I am in the shower everyday, I was my breasts everyday........... how could I NOT check everyday?! SO, my question to the wise people on this board who are 1,2, 5, or 10 years out of this............. how often do you THINK about the cancer coming back?
Thank you,
Lisa

[ncmichigan]

I can honestly say your posting brought tears to my eyes. Your story is so beautiful and inspiring and I know it will be a help to anyone who's facing the possibility of recurrence.
I have only been diagnosed with LCIS along with other risk factors and only face the strong possibility of getting breast cancer, so I feel VERY blessed. My kids are both grown, my son is married and he has a beautiful daughter nearly a year old, who is an absolute joy. I can only hope that by the time she's a woman there may be a some way to prevent breast cancer, if not a cure.
It is wonderful to hear you have NED and I hope that continues for many, many years. Thank you so much for sharing your heartfelt but very realistic thoughts and feelings with us. I'm wishing all the very best to you and your family.
Hugs,
nc

[popvendr321]

WOW, you are an inspiration! I can feel your strength in the words that I have read from you. Thank you for posting and God Bless you and your little ones......Enjoy them much as just a blink ago mine were that same age ( my oldest is going to college in the fall, and the other one just got her temp drivers license!) and BELIEVE me when I tell you it WAS just a blink ago!
Lisa

[SueYoung55]

You're awesome :)

Congratulations on your NED status!!

[lhughes]

I'm 5+ years out and I was kinda young when I found my lump and pregnant going through cancer treatments and all.  I did and still do think about breast cancer returning most every day.  But I don't let that fear overwhelm me nor do I let it stop my life as it is.  I thank God every day for every day that I have and pray that I get to watch my youngin's grow up.  I want to see them graduate from school (should they ever finally get there, my eldest starts 1st grade this fall) and then go to college and perhaps find that special someone and give me grandbabies to spoil.  Of course by the time I get grandbabies to spoil I imagine I will be too old to chase them for long if they wait as long as I did.  But I do what I can with what I've been given.  

I look to my daughters and pray that they don't ever have to face cancer themselves nor do I want them to have to see me go through cancer again.  They both still question my cancer scars and ask to see pictures of me bald with Lauren still in my tummy.  So I am reminded everyday of my cancer and what I've gone through and how much I've been given.  It doesn't rule my life, but there are many moments when I look into their eyes and pray ernestly that I am still alive to see them grow up.  I think it has made me more grateful about things and people, moments in life and such.

I will probably have to face the beast again one day. I had a stage III cancer with one node involved, so odds are that I will eventually hear those words again.  I keep check on my one spot of necrosis from my reconstruction to make sure it doesn't change and I danced this past december when my oncologist promoted me to yearly testing.

I don't let cancer rule my life by no means.  I am pretty much as I was before cancer.  My girls are growing up, I'm working full-time again even with limited brain somedays, my life revolves around gymnastics, dance, church and school activities.  And every once in a while I see my friends at UAB's Kirkland Clinic and hope that they again tell me I'm still NED.

It was a bad thing and a good thing to go through cancer.  I wouldn't trade it for the world it was how it was meant to be, but I do always pray that I don't ever have to face it again.  But if I must face it again, I hope that I face it with the grace, strength and determination I've seen others possess.

[SueYoung55]

I am 3 years out since diagnosis. I had asked for bilateral mastectomies to be done and my surgeon refused to do so. I knew that as long as I had breasts I'd worry about cancer and for my peace of mind I needed them gone. But he only removed one breast, refusing me what I needed. My first gyne appointment happened ONE MONTH to the day after the last of my chemo/radiation treatments. They found a lump that day in my remaining breast. I cried helplessly because of the fear that crawled all over me. I couldn't even stop to explain why... I'd never been that devastated. That was in October 2008. In May 2009 I had the remaining breast removed and in the 8 months it took for me to get that done I had two masses in that breast, both thankfully BENIGN.

Since then I really don't give breast cancer (for myself) much thought. Cancer, yes, breast cancer, not so much. Though I know there aren't any guarantees, I know I reduced my risk tremendously by having both removed. I know it was the BEST and ONLY decision for ME. My cancer was aggressive and if I get cancer back I believe it will be because it spread to another part of my body. And I can't worry about that. What will be, will be. I'll worry about that when I know I have a reason to worry.

Not sure if that helped Lisa but I hope so.

[japdip]

I rarely think about a recurrence .... a fleeting thought when a new symptom crops up such as a stubborn ache or pain. I do my monthly (sometimes) self exams and yearly Mammograms but never think about another breast issue. You do know that if you were to have both breasts removed it would NOT erase the possibility of a recurrence. I would suggest that you try to start thinking more positively and not dwell on thoughts of cancer. WE all react differently to the same situation and you are not at all unusual in feeling the way that you do. We tell pt.s to always be aware of any changes and then tell them to NOT think about it ... crazy, isn't it ??? Do your best not to torture yourself over it .... time always helps.    Take care ....