matestic breast cancer stage 4

[MAMD5]

sister with matasticbreast cancer which has spread to bone,lung wall,and now to liver. she has had many chemo treatments over the last year. abraxene,avastin,phosamax usually triple doses. seemed to feel ok. but in june 2011 after returning from family gathering, doctor was suprised to see fluid back and many spots in liver. changed to gem zar, 1st chemo that made her sick and weak. ct scan after gemzar treatment showed liver had more turmors and was now inflamed and pushing on stomach (making her sick) and pushing on lung witch caused short of breath. sept. 13, was given halvin.chemo. went back on sept. for 2nd treatment. was so dehydrated,voimiting and diarhera so bad he gave her fluids and zofran. said he wanted to build her back up but she is still feeling bad. NOW FOR MY QUESTION; ARE WE GETTING CLOSE TO THEN END.DO WE NEED TO BE WITH HER NOW . WE LIVE 15 HRS AWAY THATS WHY WE NEED HELP TO KNOW.

[ducky406]

Laughing about death isn't tasteless. I think it's a good way to remind you there is always something worth living for. Although, honestly, I think that may just be how my family deals with anything heavy-to make them less serious and therefore less scary.

I know Thanksgiving will be a hard day for us. If my grandma makes it it will be her last Thanksgiving, birthday, and wedding anniversary. If she doesn't, well I know it's not going to be easy. Just knowing what's in store for us, I hope your family will be able to face the coming holidays with the same strength and love that I pray mine will be able to find.

[SueYoung55]

I come from a family very much like what you just described and we would have laughed while making funeral arrangements as well. It's not tasteless when it's done with love and affection for each other.

My Mother's last mothers day all of her daughters were sitting on a sofa with our feet up on the ottoman comparing toe shapes and sizes and my Mother sat there with the biggest smile on her face. She called her Sister later that evening to tell her just how much she enjoyed watching her daughters act silly. She died two weeks later.

I treasure the time I had with her, the memories we made, the laughter we shared....we all do. She died 5 years ago and we still talk about it like it was yesterday.

I wish you all the love and affection of your family gathered together for Thanksgiving even knowing what's coming. Celebrate life. Bless you all.

[MAMD5]

  Thank you for your info. Like your grandmother only they know when its time. My sister has always been strong,healthy and always positive. In the begining dr. said 6 months to 3 years. But he treated her for stage 2 breast cancer 10yr ago. he called her wonder woman because the only side effect she had was hair loss. She had reached her 10yr mark april 2009. In Nov. of 2009 she got a cold it wouldn't go away. In march 2010 at family gathering we all said (new general dr. was idiot and to change .) Went to new dr. who sent her directly to her oncolonligst. Fluid in lung wall was cancer,ct. scan showed it in her bones. Her answer was I'm not dead yet so lets get going to treat this. Dr. smiled and said thats my wonder woman. As you read she tried very hard for year and half traveled to see us other family members and never complained. Our family is originaly from small town in Arkansas. Will all be buried there. So last summer we all decided to make furneral arrangements together,tombstones,music,pitures,and clothes. this may sound very tastless to some people but doing it together was funny,we made jokes about who would go 1st . There are 5 of us including spouses, who couldn't be closer if we had been born in the same. And we tease and joke with each other. I know we have been given this its just I don't think any of us were really ready, and now we are scared. We are wishing to gather whole families together in this small town in arkansas for Thanksgiving,(the small town is the one John Grisham wrote about (A Painted House) nothing has changed there and its her favorite place to be. She and her children are in florida,Others are spread from arkansas,missouri & ohio. Please wish us luck that we will be able to do this last thing together.  thank you again

[MAMD5]

  tHANK YOU FOR SHARING. AND WE GO EVERY CHANCE WE GET. BUT I THINK WE MAY NEED TO STAY THIS TIME.

[SueYoung55]

My Mother was in treatment until her death. I hopped a plane every other weekend and flew to her to help and visit and love her and feel her love back.

Spend time with the living. Make it a point to get out there while you can help her and enjoy her and make her life happier. Do it for her. God bless your Sister. Time is all you have with her... and no one knows how much is left.

[ducky406]

Unfortunately I'm in a very similar position. I live in Australia, my grandma in the US. My mom thinks she may have another couple months, but I doubt she'll make it into through October. It's a hard decision but you have to decide what's more important- to be there for her last moments and send her off, which honestly you could miss; to be there for the funeral and grieve with your family; or to see her one last time before it gets worse, even if it is scary and painful to see her in a weakened state. It's cruel to have to choose, but only you can.

I will say this though, my grandma went through a similar thing last May. She actually was hospitalized because her electrolytes got so low from side effects to the chemo.  She's still doing ok/okish 4 months later. Also when my husband's cousin died from bone cancer he had already been in hospice care for a month and in the hospital for 2 weeks with pneumonia and everyone saw it coming. Sometimes the signs are very obvious, and usually the dr's choose to stop treating with chemo when they see them.  Usually, if her doctors are still treating her, they think she can have more time.