Aa
A
A
Close
Avatar universal
10 year old son has rude, disrespectful behavior
Our 10 year old son is exceptionally rude, grumpy and disrespectful and defiant at home.  This tends to peak at half years, ie, has always been worse at 9 1/2 years of age than at 9 or at 10.  We've noticed this pattern since he was a toddler.  I've read lots of books, consulted with the school counselor, a Developmental Psychologist, etc. but we can't seem to get a handle on this.  School is a different story and always has been.  He is a wonderful student, a leader, teachers enjoy him and have great things to say about him.  They are always shocked when I share the difficulty that we experience at home.  None of this behavior is ever displayed at school.  He has many friends, plays sports and guitar.  He is a welcome guest at play dates.  Parents of his friends often comment on his polite behavior and again, are always surprised if I share details of his behavior at home.  

We also have an 8 year old son who does not display these same types of behavior.  Regarding our family life, these children have been raised in a stable, loving, 2 parent family.  We have many close friends and family members.  Everyone is puzzled by this kid, but again, the behaviors only occur within our immediate family.  Never, ever with friends or relatives.  

We are at our wits end.  When he's pleasant, he's so much fun to be around.  I've always said that he's 85% great but the 15% that hard is absolutely grueling.  With everything we've tried, we've never really made any significant difference.  We will have periods of relative peace which can last for a couple of months, but we can never pinpoint why this happens.  Just as we can never know what really sets him off.  

So.....what to do?  Grounding has not helped.  Taking things away doesn't seem to matter.   Talking about the impact of his behavior on other people, ie us, doesn't seem to matter to him.  He seems never to have remorse, just anger when consequences are imposed.  

Any ideas will be appreciated.  Thanks so very much.
Sandra
Cancel
128 Answers
Page 7 of 7
Avatar universal
Until you walk in my shoes, I don’t think you have much room to talk.  My son takes one low dose of ADHD medicine each day &  less than 5 mg of Melatonin.  Do you even know what Melatonin is?  It is a natural hormone that your own body produces. I never said I gave him knock-out pills – that is just the only option I think is left to change things.  And I do give my son my TIME.  Every chance I get I tell him how much I love him…how Smart, creative, fun that I think he is.  Sometimes he is receptive & sometimes he spits back mean hateful responses to me. ADHD/ODD kids tend to react first & think later.  I agree that it is very important to make your child feel loved, wanted, important, etc., but unfortunately, that alone, is not always  enough to guarantee  a vast improvement in their behavior.  If it was, then I wouldn’t be contacting sites like this.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Me and my partner are so glad we came on this website as i have always struggled with my sons behaviour but recently he has been getting worse he is 9 in march and everything is an arguement from morning till night n its stupid little things which he trys too argue with you about.
We have another child who is totally opposite. We have looked at ODD and everything on it is him, we are gonna try a different method with him where he thinks he will win as he is very competitive at everything and has to win and  he does not realize the difference between right and wrong and winning and losing as he thinks they are both the same  really hope he sticks too it
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
When I was ten I had the same problem some of it was jealousy all the rests was hermones (which is unnormal for males much less ten year old males) by the way I go by jay.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I take things away that mine cares about. I mean everything except that which I am mandated by law to provide. He gets no television, video games, no nothing. Straight to his room after school. Homework is all he is allowed to do. When that's done, he gets nothing. Not even books to read to pass time. He is left to himself completely to just loathe every minute and think about what got him there. The boy definetly understands what cause and effect are and that there are consequences for everything. If he disrupts my house and makes it uncomfortable, his life becomes miserable.

Next time, give him a day or so of it. Don't buckle or give in. Tell him how long it's for and don't stray. Make sure he has a clock to stare at too.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
189897 tn?1441130118
   Check out the book, "Love and Logic", by Fay and Cline.  I think you will find out its helpful in dealing with your son.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
This also could have been my email . My son is 12 but has been behaving like this since he was 10 !!!  He makes our home so miserable . He can turn a happy event into a stressful and depressing event just by his mood and sharp tongue . My little girl is a pleasure to be around and is always happy. I'm at the end of my tether . He just told me he hates me and wants to be adopted . He is very well cared for and looked after but if he is disciplined at all he turns into a monster . He says horrible things and screams and growls . It's awful we are walking in egg shells all the time . After he had been told off he had his own warped version if what had happened as if we just told him off for nothing !!! It's getting ridiculous
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
189897 tn?1441130118
      
            What happens at school?  They have rules and discipline kids all day long.  If he does not react the same way with them, then it means he is playing you.  He has learned that if he makes a big fuss, then you back down.  So what is going on in school is a very important yardstick on dealing with this problem.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
It feels very good having other people around that are having the same difficulties! I am a 17 year old sister. One of the oldest siblings in the household. I have a 12 year old sister who is a terror and a half!! She has been diagnosed as MR but does not show any signs of it. She is sweet in school and around friends and whatnot. We are involved with the family counseling group LIFT and Children In Youth Services mainly because of her behavior. We have people in and out of the house all the time because of her! She acts innocent around guests and CYS. But yet after they leave all hell breaks loose. She has a horrible temper and is always over dramatizing things and lying! She has tried to stab herself and has suicidal tendencies. In 2013 she has went to a psychiatric ward twice! Its just horrible because she is lazy, careless and just hopeless! She tries to dress in provacative clothing and can be very provacative herself when around a boy she likes. Grounding and taking things away and adding on chores has not helped. We have tried to teach this child about values in herself and others. My mother has muscular sclurosis and when in alot of stress it knocks her out she is bed ridden with pain because of all te stress Laura is putting her under. I would like to somehow take the child off her hands and handle her myself. This might get complicated when i say this but she is not the daughter of my mother. It is my step fathers adopted daughter of his decised ex wife.. So in other words her mother was married to my mothers boyfriend and she died. Later my mother and him got together. but enough about that! I read the article and it is a rather helpful article. I am at my wits end with this child. This morning she told my mother she was basically going to make her life hell and get her and I to leave the house by telling lies to get my mother in trouble. She is literally always either grounded or in some kind of trouble. She can go from being happy one moment to being a miserable brat the next. Our house is always filled with tension and frustration. This is indeed the ultimate problem child! Are there any other suggestions for what to do with her. We are ready to send her to foster care! please help!
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
We have the same problem our 10 year old has been acting this way for years, has ADHD and ODD which is optional definance disorder. He choses to act the wat he does. It starts first thing in the morning as soon as he gets out of bed. He yells, slams door talks over me and says I don't care when i ground him. Nothing phases him, at all. We had family counselor coming to our house for over 6 months did absolutley no good, the minute she left it was back to his old ways. He bullies his step brother, picks on his 13 year old sister and doesn't give a care in the world. He threatens his siblings to hit them all the time and is bascially a big bully. We are at our wits end and don't know what to do only acts this way at home.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
189897 tn?1441130118
     Does he only act this way at home because he is on his medication while at school?
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
5513308 tn?1369236739
You need to educate yourself on childhood development, Birth Order and child behaviour before you start throwing stones and making broad assumptions.  It is extremely offensive.  Not all children react defiantly for the same reason.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
5513308 tn?1369236739
Be careful with ODD diagnosis. :)  I have heard from professionals (in Canada) that it is a label they give kids when they don't know what else to do.  
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
5513308 tn?1369236739
     My youngest son has been the same way.  For my son, I am suspicious that it is a combination of hormones, hunger, "growing pains", and possibly mild ADHD.
     I think that when children feel safe at home, with people who care for them, then they act out sometimes.  After all, even as adults, we have to be on our best behaviour in public and when we get home we kinda let it all hang out.  We can talk about the coworker who was not very nice, or the person who cut you off in traffic.  Our children need the same opportunity.  They have little frustrations all day too, but they don't know how to verbalize their feelings.  They need us to show them how to vent in a healthy way.  Whether it is sports, talking, reading a book, or quiet time.
     Personally, my son just grew two inches in three months.  So, I'm ensuring that he gets lots of sleep, that he's not too busy (sports, etc), eats a well-balanced diet and drinks lots of fluids.  (Hunger and dehydration can make them feel sick and crabby.)  They don't always realize when they are hungry and thirsty, so they need us to remind them how important it is to fuel their body well.
Also, I've been trying to be patient, model respectable behaviour and not permit offensive behaviour.  I know it is not a medical issue as he behaves well at school and he is not always defiant at home.  
     When he is being defiant, I ensure that he has had his BASIC NEEDS met (adequate sleep, food, etc) then I look at his ENVIRONMENT. Is he over stimulated?  Is the music too loud?  Has he been watching the tv?  
     Then we talk about what he is THINKING, so that I can figure out what is going on inside of him. Is he jealous that his big sister got to do something he didn't?  Is he upset that Daddy worked late?  
     If everything is fine, then I suggest that he takes a little QUIET Time.  No talking, no music, no tv, maybe playing by himself or with a pet.  Usually that brings him around and he is his sweet, sweet self again.
     Just remain consistent, calm, respectable and eventually your child will get through this tough time.  You know, they're frustrated too and don't like the way they are feeling.  They need you to help them be calm and strong.  Support them, talk to them (be a team) and try to muddle your way through together.  It worked for my oldest child.  She went through a defiant phase but she is calmer and happier now. (She was diagnosed with mild ADHD, has participated in talk therapy for anxiety, but does not require any meds)  My experience has been not to depend too much on labels (like ADHD) because they sometimes get in the way of listening to the individual child and their needs.  Ensure that you talk every day to them about mundane stuff, so that when the important issues come up you have already established that you are a dependable and trustworthy. :)
     I hope this helps someone. :)  Good Luck and be strong!!
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
189897 tn?1441130118
   Those are all excellent ideas and certainly worth trying before other steps might be taken.  Thank you for sharing!
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
728309 tn?1367536920
Great info, this is great feedback for any parent.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
My son is 8 he has rapid blinking of the eyes and has a stutter followed by a sniffing sound which is quite annoying. When at school his teacher has said that he disturbs other children by poking them and not allowing them to learn.another teacher referred to him as the class clown. He can be a lovely child but has days where he can be really nasty he will not wait his turn and gets irritable quickly. Homework is a battle in my house and my son would rather guess than try to work it out his attention I find is always somewhere else and this is reflecting in his work at school because he is below average and regularly does not bring his homework or books for reading home. I have been to our doctor and after a two minute observation he told me by looking at my son he is fine his blinking is out of habit. I disagree and I feel that he could not be bothered please someone help I'm at my wits end!!
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Our daughter, now 10, has been much the same as many of yours.  She is a wonderful, smart child (always sweet in school) but also has a short fuse and can be provoked over the smallest of perceived slights or grievances, especially if going through a stressful transition or period.  I was wondering how many of yours had colic as babies?  I believe her experience with this has fetal beginnings or is rooted in infancy.  She may have a genetic predisposition but I wonder:  1.  what chemical exposure did she have in utero (they say we carry so many toxicants now) and although the 3 years prior to pg we were eating much organics I know I had gmo's as well.  2.  Did she have vagal nerve compression during childbirth?  3.  She strongly reacted to vaccines (past initial poke.  At 6 weeks, she screamed for days with a fever).  I really wonder if her stress response was over-stimulated and her fight button was turned on and stuck.  I could see how parents would be held accountable by young ones because naturally we are the ones babies and children depend on for care.  When we don't (because we don't know how to fix the unknown/invisible culprit), what does this do psychologically?  And our sweet children likely often feel misunderstood when we feel upset by their emotional outbursts.  Their emotions may not completely align with their thoughts or at least their more deeply held beliefs about us, life, etc.  this is why it is so important to not overreact to their behavior and to make time for them, show love...  When disciplining, be firm but not reactive or lecturing.  It can be exhausting, I know.  What I would love to know is what helps best to calm the body?  I have a supplement, Calm Child, I am thinking of trying.  Maybe ashwagandha? What else?   I think it is important to get the body's stress reducing mechanisms working.  If the parents are handling it best we can and the children can experience negative or challenging events with a CALM body that doesn't overreact, over time perhaps at least some of these kiddos who live in good environments and eat a clean diet can feel better.  I imagine massage and all sorts of healthful therapeutic activities could be employed.  Nip it in the mind-body bud!

Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Ps.  I wish more would be done at infancy to help our reactive babes.  I remember with the vaccine reactions and colic being told very condescendingly by Pediatricians that she was fine, etc, just wait it out.  I think more could be asked and together health practitioners and parents could figure ways to calm the babies, support the families, and follow-up throughout their development. A few smart Peds and nurses are, thankfully, doing this now...

Mykidzmama, btw, absolutely the right advice.  I do think some have deeper trauma rooted in infancy and nervous systems that need healing, but you are spot-on with your guidance.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
189897 tn?1441130118
     Some kids with short fuses have Sensory Processing Disorder (or Sensory Integration Disorder).  It is something that is not dealt with by medication, but a variety of techniques.  We have a great forum run by specialmom who also has a sensory child.  The forum is here - http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Sensory-Integration-Disorder-SID/show/1396
    And a good site for overall info is here - http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Thanks Sandman.  I will definitely come take a look.  I had ruled out SPD based on no issues with crossing the midline and if I had to guess based on what I've read the communication between the hemis has slways been quite strong.  Could she have had a temporary processing issue with regard to certain input during the colicky days however?  She would cry a lot... Loud white noise and her swing (vertical movement only) or carrying her up and down the stairs would stop it.  She hated the car and stroller during that time as well.  Otherwise she talked extremely early, reached out and held a small rattle early, walked at the average expected time and well, continued to develop coordination quite well, other midline activities strong (in fact picked up the harp easily), sequencing activities came naturally, auditory processing fine, no real pickiness.  Just precocious but with odd  that could last forever.  Very persistent with no way to soothe her.  Only other things that could be sensory-problem related:  HATED hair washing and brushing  (but has Very Thick Hair) and for some time as an lolder infant she would want to be held but would push against me.  hard to hold her.  She doesn't scream anymore (that pretty much stopped about 2 yrs ago) but is very tough on her brother and parents.  She remains moody at times but is also so sweet at other times.  I guess I lean toward the mix of personality/temperament (she is like her dad and I in the middle of extraversion and innie and possibly an idealist - her bro is a younger very energetic extrovert),  intelligence and possible nervous system trauma.  Thoughts?  :)
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Not sure where the word tantrumming went above but that is what would last forever.  For a short span of time she would bang head... and her sense of justice and right/wrong was early.  Those could be attributed to intelligence a/o temperament however, yes?
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
189897 tn?1441130118
   The question really deals with what "can be provoked over the smallest of perceived slights or grievances".  What may seem like a slight to you can be major trauma to a child with SPD.   Something as simple as the texture of socks for example.  Trouble is I don't know what her triggers were/are that cause the outbursts.  But these are really all things you want to run through Specialmom on her SIDS site.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Ok thanks Sandman!  You are right... I will look back on the history of what provokes her.  Nothing that I can remember was due to what I would deem pickiness (like over socks) although the car was a trigger until I put her in a booster. Sometimes I couldn't make any sense of it tbh but there were some triggers.  
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Hi, I don't know where to begin.  Well my son too is a video games addict.  I don't regulate the time he spends on his games because I know there the only things that make him happy.  He goes online with his Xbox and much to my shame, he plays on games far too old for his age group.   He manipulates me and bullies me into buying these games for him.  My son is 10 and a half and he acts like a 14 yr old.   The games obviously don't help his out of control behaviour.   I'm frightened, I feel at the moment I can't stand anymore.  I'm dreading waking him up for school in the morning, because more often than not his manners towards me are vile.  His choice words when I say, 'come on you've gotta get up now' are '**** off'.   I do blame myself for how he has become this way, but I have always tried so hard, and as you already know my judgment does inevitability get him the game he wants - as he threatens to kill himself otherwise, and break my things.  He also has a younger sister and they fight alot, well it's mostly my son starting on her.  He is quite unbearable and I can only pray that things will improve.   He cannot always get what he wants, or his younger sister as she's also prone to outbursts of rage.  A lot of it copying him.  After today and tonight's episodes, I cannot do this anymore,I've told them both.  Because both of them humiliate me and sometimes their dad in the street.  We live in quite a small community and I'm fed up with the discouraging looks from people, when they haven't got the full picture of what's going on.  Well, I'm not giving up , I'm still plodding onwards,especially heavy with my sons burdens.  I will not give in anymore with the games too old for him, but it's difficult.   You know, on his headphones, when he's online I can hear some little mates he's playing with and they sound only about 8!!!  Gosh, I'm irresponsible,  but it's under duress irresponsibility .   I want to still be a good mum and their dad who doesn't live with us, but visits is trying, so that's important.   I do not hate my son ,or daughter either when she shouts and bawls and shows me up, and my son too - with the swearing, I just want some respect as all us downtrodden, bullied parents want.  No swearing, no bullying,  no throwing stuff, just lovely children that underneath all this,apparent hatred, they still are good kids and I can only try to be a good mum and seek help for us of which I have done and try to be as honest as possible about everything, and then, mabye then, God willing, we will have hope of a normal good life.  I'll say to my son,  R. E. S. P. E. C. T. find out what it means to me.  Thanks for reading my comment.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
My judgement with my son and the games he wants is terrible, I realise that, and in my comment I made last  night I saying I wont be getting him these certain games anymore, unfortunately probably won't be true because, even though he's only nearly 11 yrs old, he's emotionally crippling me with all his threats and his depression.  He has GTA5, one of the games that he & his little mates play on, but it's so wrong , I know.  It's a horrible game for 18cert, but all the youngsters play on it, not just my son.  That doesn't make my lousy decisions right I know, but I'd just appreciate a little peace and to try and have a bit of sanity in our home is to get him this other game he wants for Christmas, against my better judgement and against what the professionals say.   I wouldn't mind so much him playing on these games if he could just leave that behaviour in the game he's playing, but he acts it out in real life.  The swearing e.t.c .  I'm sorry to come off to you all as a victim and not taking control of the situation, but I've tried that and it's got me nowhere.  Just more aggro - so I give in.   He will get this black flag game he wants and be done with it.  I've had enough.  I will be honest and speak to a psychiatrist about what to about my obvious lack of parenting skills.    Not everyone though has children like mine, and despite all this upset I still love them, my daughter and son and just want us all to be happy  and not miserable, when we're alot better off than alot of people in the world. - I try to drum that into them.  Be grateful, appreciate and look after your things.  I can only try to do my best, that's all I can do.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
That's the same with me.  If I try to discipline him it's a nightmare.   I do try & so does their father as I have a daughter too.  Her behaviour isn't as bad &  we get along really well, but she's slowly copying her brothers diabolical behaviour.   Thank Jesus, they're at school at the moment.  That's another problem of mine, getting them there.   I don't give up on that though, school's important, so I will not let them have a day off Willy nilly.   Thankyou everyone going through similar problems to us, it makes me feel not so alone, so thanks.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Hi my posts are further down the thread if you want to read them.   I can completely understand what you're going through, I feel compassion for you as I'm going through nearly the same experience myself.  My daughter and I get on well the majority of the time and her bad behaviour is mostly copied off of her brother.   I love them both the same, but with my son it's difficult because of his terrible behaviour.   I love him, I just don't like the way his personality has headed.   Swearing at me, bullying me and his sister, breaking things.  I've called the police to try and frighten him into bucking up his ideas, had his uncle over here, trying to get some sense into him, I've been to children's services myself to try to get some help and I'm in the process now of going to CAMHS.  So that's pretty much where we're at.   I do eventually give in to him & my daughter I must say, but mostly my son, due to overwhelmingly relentlessness of him going on and on at me, breaking me down.  My son is still young, nearly 11, so I really do pray that our homelife will get better, because things cannot carry on this way.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
My son is exactly the same, apart from he has an older sister, I would love to know if everyone above managed to solve the problems, as now your children are older ?
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Very true....I have 3step children been with my partner 4 years. The middle one is 14 is rude aggressive and gets obsessed about games etc. his 16 year old brother is the complete opposite and time and time again he gets really gobsmacked by his brothers demanding and argumentative attitude. Hits his 11 yr old sister and says his world ended when she was born. 11 yr old girl does throw tantrums and demands as she's dad's girl but the 14 yr old is something else. Says he hates his mum calls her an old hog, pushed violently out of her wheelchair. Calls dad fat useless etc plays ps3 and Xbox till dawn we try taking away things he moans and pesters for the next gadget just chucks the old one on the side. He's getting demerits at school like they are out of fashion. Punched his dad and threatened me for mentioning why it's important to try and get on with his mum. By the way his mum hates me (but I still feel pity for her)and blames for the breakdown of her marriage despite him having been round the block a few times before meeting up with me. I have been told I belong in a zoo, I'm extra baggage as I'm not blood couldn't care less for working and supporting him or doing stuff for them  and I'm a slapper etc
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
973741 tn?1342346373
Ugh, sounds like a dreadful situation.  Sorry to hear this.  The 14 year old seems to out of control.  What does their father do about these things?  He's the key.  

Personally, I'm not sure I would want to tie my life to a situation like this.  Your husband's first priority is his children but sadly, you've ended up having to deal with a situation I would need to have resolved.  

Violence is never the answer and this boy punching is serious and a teen acting like this needs to be dealt with.  I'd strip his room, I'd take the gaming system away, I'd lay down the law.

Does he have some type of mental health or neurological issue you've not mentioned?  

Do you have kids of your own exposed to this?
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
so sorry Emma seems you are dealing with some complex emotional issues. Maybe she feels she can't share the only constant adult in her life. She seems to have gone through some major traumatic changes; being adopted then a guardian dies then joining another ready made family.  Maybe if there is a way of digging into her past I.e hereditary issues? Also she could be a child who has learnt to manipulate people to get what she wants? Maybe try that walking away after establishing boundaries then not get stressed amongst yourselves she probably worries if an adult is sick because of her past. Don't tell her mum is worried sick and stressed because of her probably she enjoys having that power. You do come across very mature yourself hopefully you find that peace and happiness. Take care
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Has he had an ados done for asd it sounds possible?
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
As a special education teacher, I can tell you that the behaviors these parents are describing are not created by being over protective.  If it were overindulging a child, then normal set of consequences and behavioral supports would make a difference.  The behaviors these parents are describing are not caused by a parenting style.  I am only on this site, because I now have my 2nd student (of my teaching career) that fit the descriptions of these parents. I too am looking for something that will change his behavior.  I am an experienced teacher and I understand what these parents are talking about.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
189897 tn?1441130118
     I agree with you.   The problem is that many times the parents try to address a child with things like ADHD, SPD, etc the way they were brought up - which is to make the situation, worse.  Not really the parents fault, because they don't have the correct information.
    One thing I normally tell parents is that if the child is also having a problem in school (with an experienced teacher), and at home - the child's problems were not initially created due to parenting style.
     Why don't you start a post of your own and describe the problem.  Some of us have seen a lot of different situations.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Hi, I'm looking for help and at my wits ends with my 10 year old boys and struggling what to do to be honest  he has dyslexia he's behaviour most of time well I just don't know were to start he will throw a tanterm at the slightest thing he's words he uses are what the hell ,not my fault ,oh my days,in a partical outburst if I ask him to do anything round the house its a  major strop and a battle example I brought him something but because of the attuidude I was getting didn't give it to him so his reaction was to struggle with me and try rip the bag out of my hand so I said until you can show me some respect then your not having it. he is so hurtful and its really affecting me in partical plus making the whole family upset I am dredding on egg shells with him most days and shouldn't be like this I do have another boy and he is total opposite and he has said how his brother upset him ,I've been to the school and made them aware what he is like at home he has had some issues at school but nothing I have at home I do feel like its aimed at me and not his dad when I try and talk to him its like his not there and dosent care pls help what should I do what help can I get complete upset about this and don't know who I should turn to thanks for reading
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Hiw is your son today? I am dealing with these behaviors currently and wanted to see if you had any success with your son??
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
How is your son today? Dealing with the same things as you were and wondering how it all worked out...
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Yes I myself could have also written this word for word. My son has just turned 9.  I am trying to be very patient. He is amazing one on one. He has 2 younger brothers 7 and 5 and both very different. I guess you could say they are a lot more settled in themselves......however, they are younger. Any suggestions would be truly grateful!
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
14918288 tn?1437343841
I have a son that is 10 and he acts this way. His Dad died when he was 5 so I dont believe that disrespect is the ONLY thing but may play a part.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
this is my 1st visit to this site, I have to say im so relieved that others are experiencing the same issues with their kids as we are with ours. I have a son who's nearly 11 years old, and to say he's being very challenging at the moment would be an understatement! I work fulltime and can honestly say I do not look forward to going home at night or weekends because my sons attitude is so disgusting. I was starting to think it's something we're doing wrong or that he just hates me. I know realise after reading these comments that its not us.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Hi, I wanted to share some of my findings with anyone interested. I am in similar situation as some of you. My 7 y/o son is highly energetic and is frequently reactive/impulsive in behaviour, which often affects his ability to think before he acts and therefore makes plenty of inappropriate choices - including rude comments etc. But then there are times he is calm and wonderful. His eldest sister is at the other end of the scale - polite and responsible.

I found the ODD article above (http://www.yourfamilyclinic.com/ODD/ODD.html) a good read. Picked up a few tips. I have also considered ADHD as a possibility explanation (and may need look into that further) but for now, knowing he has reactive/impulsiveness tendencies, I have decided to try out some suggestions on the pages below that relates to improving the symptoms of certain disorders/ behavioural issues (such as ADHD) through avoidance of certain foods.

I know food allergies/sensitivities is not something new. For some time now we have avoided foods that contain for eg. artificial colours/flavours thinking it affected both my son's and middle daughter's hyperactivity levels. But reading further, I am wondering whether his frequent consumption of foods like apple, orange, mandarin, grape etc, affects him. So, for a couple of days now, I have decided to also cut out/minimise his intake of foods especially containing salicylates (which the above fruits he ate almost daily  contains high to very high amounts of). It's still very early days but I noticed over the weekend with those above foods removed from his 'diet', he is noticeably less argumentative or discourteous and much more rational. Could be coincidental - don't want to be blindly hopeful, but will continue and see how it goes.

This is just my experiences so far. Everyone is different, so no promises. But have a read to see if it's something you may need to consider. Wish you all the best.

http://www.feingold.org/what.php
http://www.feingold.org/salicylate.php
http://salicylatesensitivity.com/about/food-guide/commercial-snacks/
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Omg.....this is my 11 yr old son exactly. When i take away his electronics he is nice for a day or two bc he wants them back. Same exact scenario, perfect at school and sports, only shows anger at home. I tell him I'm putting him into anger mgt and he gets madder. I can't get through to him. Frustrating beyond belief.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Hello.....i was curious if ur situation ever improved? My comment is at the end but my 11 yr old son is getting more rude and disrespectful by the day and he also plays gta5 and call of duty. In my heart i know these games contribute to his attitude but like you, all his friends play online and i work full time and just gave him everything he wanted for Christmas and sometimes it's just easier to give in and try to make evryone happy. Except myself! I sound pathetic but i started telling him tonight if his attitude doesn't improve I'm taking the game away bc that's part of the problem. Of course he got annoyed and denied it.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Hi I'm new here. I'm always looking somewhere for help. I have a 10 (11 in March) year old son who is really disrespectful to me, at school to the head teacher and even to his 5,7 and 9 year old siblings. He tells my daughter (7) he doesn't love her, hates her, she's ugly etc. He too is very energetic, bounces off the walls nearly every day, I put it down to being a single mum at the age of 29 but no offence to anyone I'm obviously not alone here. I'm getting to a point now where I feel he would be better off without me as I'm maybe not doing the best I've only ever tried for him. Any help/advice is much appreciated. X
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
My son is just like that he's so mean to his 6 yr old sister I'm desperate for a solution I dint know how to get him to stop either I also need advice.
Comment
Cancel
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Please help us! Having the very same problems. What in the world is wrong.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I would also like to know what i can do with my 10 year old daughter. It is so hard to live with her. I love her so much its killing me. She is so disrespectful towards me calling me a ******, im stupid, she hates me, im a jerk. If her brother looks at her she jumps on him and pulls his hair. If i try to block her she kicks me and screams in my face. Now she is starting to bite. She is not like this towards her dad. We have tried the corner, taking things from her and nothing works. We have sent her to her grandparents for a week just so we can have peace in the house. My daughter is the middle child of 5 kids. We dont have any problems with any of our other children. I asked her why she does this and she replys because i like to. She also said she hates her brother..He is the only boy i have. Please if anyone has any info on how to deal with this i would really appericate it..
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I have no answer to help you in your situation however i do have an idea that may help your daughter see the way she is being is hurtful and not okay & things do need to change. In saying that things wont change unless shes the one who implements this and puts in the effort.
So my thoughts on this would be to secretly video her and how she is with each person individually and as a group. Later on watch the footage & think of what you might say to her about what she sees & if she was in the other persons position how she might deal with the difficult person (meaning her). Ask her if its fair to that person who has no choice but to deal with situation & to be bullied without being provoked in any way explain how it isnt fair and why she thinks its okay - if she turns around and says "its fun, she enjoys it" say that this isnt normal behaviour and people should not feel that way. Without speaking over the top of her try to understand her side (you dnt have to agree at all im trying to help you see things from her mind so that this can help you determine what you can do to prevent it). If she says its fun find out whtat makes it fun, if she enjoys it whats enjoyable about it and seeing others upset and angry how does that make her feel if she says its funny find out why... Is it the reactions she gets or is it more than that.
I feel sorry for you that this is happening and i have many more tips for you to try however i dnt feel safe giving my email over a comment due to freakish people out there.
I hope this has helped you in a small way and i wish u all the best for your future xx.
Comment
Cancel
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I would also like to know what i can do with my 10 year old daughter. It is so hard to live with her. I love her so much its killing me. She is so disrespectful towards me calling me a ******, im stupid, she hates me, im a jerk. If her brother looks at her she jumps on him and pulls his hair. If i try to block her she kicks me and screams in my face. Now she is starting to bite. She is not like this towards her dad. We have tried the corner, taking things from her and nothing works. We have sent her to her grandparents for a week just so we can have peace in the house. My daughter is the middle child of 5 kids. We dont have any problems with any of our other children. I asked her why she does this and she replys because i like to. She also said she hates her brother..He is the only boy i have. Please if anyone has any info on how to deal with this i would really appericate it..
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
189897 tn?1441130118
   Does she also do the same things at school?  Is she disrespectful there?   Gets into fights? Talks back to the teacher?
   Also, how young is your youngest?  And how long has this behavior by your daughter been going on?
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
My 10 year old displays the worst behavior. There are times when I am so embarrassed by him that I want to cry. If we put him in his room, he yells out the window that we are starving him and abusing him. Today at the store he yelled this in the store with my mom. He is unbearable at times and I am at my wits end. He is ruining my marriage to my husband his dads marriage to his wife. It is unreal. No one wants to be around him, and he has very few friends.
It seems to be when he does not get his way at first, then it spins into everything else. It is completely out of control. I am so sad to see so many other parents that are going through this.
We tried meds, which is horrible for a child. I just watched a special about how doctors prescribe medications without knowing the true side affects, or they are using medications as tests. The kids are the test rats. They do not know how the meds will affect the child long term. It was a 20/20 special you can look up.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
You don't know how I can relate to these stories! It's like I'm reading my own struggles written by someone else. Also a single mom, my child just turned 10 and is a nightmare. He threw a fit at the store last night because I wouldn't buy him a handful of junk food he picked out. This resulted in a temper tantrum and when I told him to go wait in the car he threw what was in his hands then tried to walk home. I checked out and drove up beside him at the gas station, but he hid behind a dumpster and refused to talk to me. I waited and waited and finally drove off. He went in the store and told them his mom had abandoned him, then called me to come pick him up. I took away everything of his electronic when I got home, so he responded by sitting in my room banging and making noise and screaming my name. I still didn't give in, and he went to bed eventually. I cried for 2 hours. This morning he was apologetic but I don't care. This behavior gets increasingly worse as he gets older. I feel like a failure.
Comment
Cancel
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
1 I would recommend getting a physical with lab work. Sometimes Vitamin levels could be low or thyroid issues can exist. We had to start Vit D3. Balanced diet and plenty of sleep.

2. We implemented 3 rules: A No I-pad (he uses the PC where its visible by everyone. B. We address the issue of his hurtful words immediately. (Loving way) C We give him the expectation with examples of what he could of said. He has to learn to sensor himself.

Everyday we start over with a clean slate no grudges. We maintain his environment organized and his routines the same. Sleep is very important when he is not sleeping well we give him chamomile tea.

This protocol is on going and we have seen improvements. However we must not place too much pressure and remain calm at this age the emotional vulnerability can lead to serious consequences (suicide or other behaviors) They only just started walking and talking give them a break and forgive, forgive.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Your Answer
Avatar universal
Answer
Do you know how to answer? Tap here to leave your answer...
Answer
Answer
Post Answer
A
A
Doctor Ratings & Reviews
Comprehensive info on 720K doctors.
Complete reviews, ratings & more.
Child Behavior Community Resources
Top Children's Health Answerers
973741 tn?1342346373
Blank
189897 tn?1441130118
Blank
San Pedro, CA