10 yr. old son totally uncooperative..at wits end!!!!

[jen2697]

My son is 10. He has no medical issues. Good at school, and sports. Acts older than he is. I am a single mom with another child (3). He constantly bucks me. I feel like I am in a constant power struggle with him. He swears at me, calls me names, tells me he is going to kill me in my sleep. Just this morning we had an argument about him going to camp so that I could get to work on time. He proceeded to cry an say that he didn't want to go, swearing, telling me he doesn't have to do anything I say. I am at the point where I am physically, emotionally overly stressing out. I threw a basket of fruit against the wall and a chair today. I am way passed the point of patience with him. Everyday is a constant struggle. Like a power struggle. He has no friends that he is allowed to play with because he plays too rough. He lies. I dont know what to do here but I am ready to send him away.

[Cleveland Mom]

I am not suggesting in any way being raised by a single mom will cause a serious psychiatric disorders such as bi-polar disorder.  Bi-polar is an organic condition, not one caused by growing up with a single parent.

[RockRose]

Hmmm.  I'm trying to get  a picture of him in my mind.  I'm sure you're aware that a boy out of control is pretty common with single moms - boys are harder to control without a man in the house to show them the "ropes",  and also not allow their shenanigans.

The way you describe him really seems to go two different ways,  and maybe that's because his behavior goes two different ways?  He's over the top difficult at home,  but at baseball,  and school,  he's fairly cooperative and successful?

Would his teacher,  and coach,  say he behaves within the normal range,  and is respectful and gets along with the other kids,  and usually follows instructions?  If that's the case,  it sounds like you need help with parenting ideas and structure.  

It also sounds like he really needs friends he sees at his house and goes to theirs for free play time,  sleepovers,  etc.     Is that possible?

I hope someone comes along with a suggestion of a book for you - I don't know any current ones that help with structure and discipline  but I think I've seen them on this board before.

Best wishes.

[RockRose]

jen - does he literally have NO friends,  because those parents won't allow their kids to be around him because he hurts them?  Is that what you are saying?  

[jen2697]

But none that come over and play or that he goes to their house to play. He used to hang out with the neighbor, he is not hurting anyone. Just when they are playing say.. soccor.. plays to aggressivly. They broke a window the other week... I am trying not to make this confusing but it's not working. My brain is in like 100 different directions.

[jen2697]

I don't understand. I guess what I meant was that he was never diagnosed with any kind of problem before. We have been going through this for a while. The therapist would just say that it would take time to work through his problems. But the lack of respect, vial language, openly ignoring me, and being blatently rude is all part of commom sense things you don't do. And he knows the difference between right and wrong.


And please explain to me how I "described my son as a normal child and he isnt" statement. I don't understand what  you mean

[Cleveland Mom]

I agree with RockRose.  Your son's behavior is out of the norm.  He is displayi of agression is very concerning he is threating your life i.e. telling you that he want to kill you in your sleep.  He is hurting peers and he is having serious difficulties because he cannot control his aggression.  

I agree that you need to make and immediate call to his pediatrician.  Sit down with this doctor without your son present, he can be in the waiting room.  Ask for a referral for a behavioral specialist i.e. psychologist or psychiatairst.  Follow up with that.  

Single moms are often very challenged in raising boys, RockRose is very correct on that point, too.  The challenges you are dealing with are out of the norm as stated.  You need to take charge of the situation and help your son get his behavior under control.  You need the professional evaluation and treatment and you need to establish rules in your home.  I feel that due to the seriousness of your son's behavior you need have him evaluated and recieve help from that professional in terms of setting up a behavioral plan.  Again, he is threatening your life.

If his behavior were not so serious, I could advise you on setting up a plan for him but because of his age and his previous threats I am afraid one of you might be injured.  

Its not too late by any means for your boy.  Please get him the help he needs!  Best wishes...

[YvetteY]

Hi..we've been struggilng with my 12 yr old son for many years.  Finally we found a good pyschiatrist that is doing something.   He was recently diagnosed as being bipolar.  Which scares the hell out of me.  I read about the symptoms bipolar children have and he has at least 70% of them.  Not to mention oppositional defiant disorder.  Maybe you could get a referral to good child psychiatrist .  Maybe siomething like that is going on with your son.  My first son is so different from the 12 year old.  I was a single mom with the older one for many years, but he didn't behave like my 2nd child.  So i don't think it is necessarily because you're single mom,

[RockRose]

Jen,  you need to take him to the pediatrician for a check,  and a referral to a therapist and possibly psychiatrist for medications.

But before you do that,  re-think how you describe him.  Your first line in your post sets the stage that this is a normal boy,  successful,  but a bit mouthy.  That's not the case at all - and you need to be clear to "lead" the discussion with the pediatrician in a realistic way without falsely painting him as a normal child who is a bit of a challenge.

Best wishes.