11 year old son still in moms bed

[salty davis]

Hi we are having difficulty in getting my 11 year old son to stay in his own bed, he cries for about two hours and refuses to sleep until the early hours of the morning if we don’t let him sleep next to his mum in the big bed...I sleep down stairs on the couch...his emotions are severe almost like depression. And he can't stand any emotional rejection from his mum. As soon as I let him in to the big bed he's asleep within two minutes. We have been doing this for the last three years and want to get a grip of the situation.

[bip]

I would let him cry cause he is not a baby he's older enough to know he has to sleep in his own bed.........It will be tough getting him to stay in his own bed......put him in his bed keep him there don't give in...........My son was 7 when he finally got out of my bed it's hard.....remember don't give in...

[RockRose]

Salty - is this your son?  This is a really weird family dynamic,  a son suddenly needed to sleep with his mother and as a result his father sleeps somewhere else in the house.  

Did something happen to him that was traumatic 3 years ago that changed him from sleeping in his own bed to suddenly taking your place?  

[salty davis]

Yes he is my son ...I have schizophrenia ,we had him in 1996 and  i didn't start to show symptoms until 2000 and he has seen me go into hospital a few times......apart from the sleeping arrangements he is a happy boy with lots of friends etc..I sleep down stairs with the TV on otherwise I can't sleep. I think he first slept in his moms bed for comfort when I went into hospital....tonight we have swapped beds, he is sleeping in his moms bed and she is sleeping in his room to see if it's just the room that bothers him( my wife’s idea).... I recently told her dad about it..And he wasn't impressed and said we needed to sort it out....I told him because I needed another opinion and a bit of motivation for my wife to get things sorted.

[Agiesmom]

Salty, my son is 11 and he has been in his own bed for quite some time now, but when he was younger, he would always want to sleep in our room (on the floor, not in our bed--he was a kicker so that wasn't an option).  He said his room wasn't "comfy".  So we made it comfy.  Painted the walls a warm gold, put up a print of a queen knighting a man, put up tapestry drapes (with a wrought iron curtain rod that looks like arrows) and we bought a big bed (queen instead of twin) with a big down duvet.  He loved it and it really helped him to like and want to be in his room.

Good luck to you.  While I do think it's time for him to be in his own room, I can understand why he may have felt insecure.

Let us know how the room switch tonight worked.

[salty davis]

We swapped beds last night and he slept in his moms bedroom with no problems....no crying or staying awake until 3am....he has just gone to bed in her room again with no problems....my wife will sleep in his room again tonight........I suppose its a step in the right direction. I don't know why he doesn't like sleeping in his room..He has a wide screen TV, a computer, and cable TV, and his wrestling posters on the walls, it's a nice bedroom...I suppose he is just used to sleeping in his moms room.

[Agiesmom]

I'm so glad this seems to be working.

Salty, rooms have energy in my opinion.  And if he went through an upsetting, fearful time and lay awake at night thinking and worrying in the room, it may just have too many negative feelings connected with it.  Your wife's room is obviously comfortable and he feels safe and peaceful there.  I'd go with it.  Swap rooms if it's possible.