11 year old with suicidal behavior

My child is 11 years old, about to turn 12. She is very pretty, but has always been painfully shy. She also seems to be afraid of a lot of things, such as the drain in the pool, or wearing bright colors, actually she seems to be afraid of a lot of things. I don't spank my kids, but they do know the rules and follow them, and she is a good kid. She cleans her room, she helps around the house, etc. But sometimes, she gets very mad and I don't understnad what sets it off, it can be somehting simple like getting ready to go to school and she will decide she doesn't want to go and will just refuse. I mean shut her mouth, ball up, will not talk, just refuse. It can happen at anytime. Tonight I asked her to take a shower before she went to bed, and she got mad and just would not. She also has spurted out that she wants to die, I have asked her why and she says because she hates herself, and that no one likes her, and that she is ugly. She has said before if she could change anything about herself it would be her attitude. This is a beautiful, talented, big hearted little girl and I don't know what to do for her, and it is scaring me that she is saying these things. I have taken her to a counselor and he said that she is just a different kind of person. Well, maybe she is, but thoughts of suicide is scary, and I am afraid she needs more help than I can give her. What do I do? If the therapist she saw doens't sem to think there is a problem, what do I do. I am smart enough to know that one does not threaten suicide, especially at that age, if there is nothing wrong.

[RockRose]

Actually,  middle school girls shout "well maybe I will just kill myself" with alarming regularity.  Also,  they all think they are ugly and no one likes them.  

It's up to you,  when you talk to other mothers you know who have girls the same age to decide whether her reactions are normal or not.  Parents of girls so often roll their eyes and say "god,  the drama".  

It's normal drama,  or it isn't.  Do you talk to her friend's mothers about this?  It's really hard to tell from an internet post what is going on.

Best wishes.

[althepal39]

If she is painfully shy and seems to be afraid of alot of things - she is more than likely suffering from anxiety.     The counselor who said "she is just a different type of person" was not helpful at all.   You should find a new one and bring her.   If she has a social anxiety then school may be a tremendous source of stress for her.