3 year old behavior problems

[Dany26]

Hello. I have 2 boys, 1 year and 3 years old. My 3 years old son has some behavier problems, so i am not sure if they are age appropriate. He is not sharing at all when his friends or cousins come to our house or he goes to their house it is just crying, screaming, hitting, pulling hair, grabing, pushing, kicking,.. i tried everything doesn't work, I spoke to his teacher and she told me he is good at school. he is hitting alot me and everybody. When he wants to give his love to me or others ,or when he is excited, he is hitting and he is not gentel, he is so aggressive. He has a thomas table, he is playing for 5 minutes then he is throwing everything. I am so tired of his hitting and i don't know what to do?
Recently he started to not sleeping. at night he goes to sleep so late and morning he woke up so early.
Please give me some tips.
Thanks

[specialmom]

One other thing I forgot to mention in the above marathon post (sorry)------  but physical activity.  It is so important to get these energetic little guys out running around, climbing, jumping, swimming, swinging, rolling, skipping, etc.  You probably see an improvement on behavior on days you do a lot of this.  I'd say that it is important to go to a park or play outside for a good bit of every single day.  It has a direct affect on behavior.  good luck

[specialmom]

Ahhhhh, isn't three fun??  LOL  Many kids can be a handful at three.  It is very encouraging that he is behaving at school and things are going well.  At least you don't have that to worry about!  So, we have to think about what is going on at home.  Well, you say he isn't sleeping well and that definitely is a tough one for behavior.  My kids act their worst when tired or sick.  So, I'd start working on making his bedtime earlier.  If he is resistant, work in 15 minute increments.  You set up the schedule and I would keep it all very organized and routine.  Some kids need that to function well and when I hear that they do well at school vs. at home, it can often be that the structure at school is something they need more of at home.  Set up a schedule and try to stick to it.  

You also have a younger sibling at home.  That means that he may be competing for your attention or fighting for his things.  Both can result in bad behavior.  I have two boys as well that are 15 months apart in age.  I know full well how it is to handle to kids close in age together.  For sharing, well-----------  I was strict about it.  My older son could not take a toy unless he "traded" one with his brother.  Your one year old does not yet care as much about what is in his hand (although that is coming)------  but if the one year old wants something that the older boy has-------  just have your older boy or you give him something else.  Trading is big at my house.  I also as the grown up in the house would have my son practice trading with me.  He had to share with me as if I were another child so he would learn how to handle it.  We also took turns picking what we would play and winning if it were that kind of game.  I didn't let him win every time as that is not the real world with peers.  

Three year olds also want attention.  If they aren't getting it in a positive way------  they'll get it in a negative way.  So I'd give him some extra attention.  Anytime he does anything right--------  cheer for him and praise him like crazy.  Make him your helper when you can asking him to carry something for you or bring you something and then go crazy thanking him.  If he is the slightest bit nice to brother---------  cheer and praise him.  He will like this and try to get more of it.  Try to do something with just him once in a while.  Make him feel special.  

Give him choices.  YOu are in charge of the choices so it is not as if he is getting away with anything and he will be more willing to comply if he has had some control over the situation.  Go to the library and check out some books on emotions.  He is having a difficult time dealing with frustration (which many 3 year olds do)-------  give him language for how he is feeling.  Also act out being mad or frustrated and how you handle it in appropriate way-------  give him some ideas of what else to do.  There is a book called "Hands are not for Hitting".  I love this book and highly recommend it.  It drives home that message.

Natural consequences work quite well.  If he hits/kicks/pushes a friend or cousin at your house or theirs, play date is OVER.  You can prewarn the other adult about this.  But tell him that if he does those things, that the play date is over.  Leave if at a friends or friend/cousin has to leave if at your house.  It won't take many times of that happening before he realizes it is not a good idea to do those things.  If he is yelling or screaming or crying to you, tell him that you can't talk to him  until he stops as you can't understand him.  If he throws something, it goes into time out.  All consequences for his actions that he is in control of.  

Remain very calm at all times and carry all of this out without yelling or hitting yourself.  It will get better but you need to change the pattern.  Good luck