3 yr old that wont go to bed

I am not sure what I am supposed to do.  My child never wants to sleep. I dont blame her for not wanting to nap at school, but they force her to and I dont like that because when she naps there she doesnt sleep until 10:30pm at night.  latley she keeps saying she wants to sleep with me, but I cant have her sleep with me because she doesnt sleep she goofs around and is restlessor hours and I am tired.  How do I get her to sleep???? I have tried everything, i dont even think that the nanny would be able to get her down

[glad2bamom]

Just be consistent.  It may take you a full week, but I doubt it.  Tell the child when it is bedtime.  Give them about 15 minutes "warning" so you don't take them by surprise.  Have a routine, like brushing teeth, then glass of water, then read a book, then prayers, then lights out.  Do the same thing every night.  Then, the fun begins.  When the child gets up, pick them up WITHOUT TALKING and put them in the bed without conversation.  Don't be tempted to let them bargain with you.  They will get up over and over again..but each time do the same thing.  Eventually, and it may take all night, or hours...little one will get tired and stay in bed.  Then they may whine in bed for a minute, but if you're consistent every night, this habit will pass.
It's all about you, and how far the little one thinks they can push you to win.

[bookerswife]

This is a tuff one because my 2 almost 3 won't go to sleep either! What I have begun to do is tell her that she could pick out a book for mommy to read and I will read the book but if she doesn't go to bed then mommy won't read her anymore bedtime stories. It has worked for the most part. I still have to get onto her about getting out of bed and I just say if you don't go get back in the bed and go to sleep then I am going to give all your books away to the big girls that go to sleep, and she usually runs back in her room and lays down and eventually goes to sleep! You just have to find what works! Don't give up because your child will sense it and take it and run with it! Good luck!

[ndc]

Some children find it hard to get themselves off to sleep.  I remember my nephew asking how to go to sleep when he was three.  We said "well you close your eyes think happy thoughts and you will drop off to sleep" his reply was he wished he could but he just didn't know how to.  This is, for some children, something they have to learn, for others it is an immediate response.

I agree with the previous poster regarding "rapid return" but would add that it has to be done calm but firm, so that there is no indication to the child that you are getting frustrated but that you are not going to back down either.

With my son, I ended up starting bedtime at 6pm on the basis if he was going to resist he would still be in bed by 8!  I found that it took 5 weeks for me - I was never completely silent returning him but just shush shushed him without actually speaking, gave him a kiss and lay him back down in bed.

It will work, look at it not as upsetting your daughter but helping her learn to do something that she wants to do, which is get some rest.

Hope this helps

[glad2bamom]

I agree completely, and starting the whole process at 6 is a great idea!
All parents should use that logic, instead of starting at "bedtime" and staying up till midnight trying to get little one asleep.
Thanks for the advice...

[StarASH]

Consistancy works. My kiddo had to be put on a schedule. Be firm, stand your ground. If she wants to sleep with you, comes in your room, direct her back to her room, even if you have to do it a million times, because eventually she will get the picture. Make sure she has the same bedtime every night, even on weekends! any disruption in a toddlers routine can have really kruddy backlash! best of luck to you!

[MichEE]

Boy I hope this works... we are trying it for the first time tonight. He is not dealing well with it and it have been over 2 hours of up and down both of us taking turns putting him back in bed. Any more suggestions or help would be great!!

[MichEE]

I should add a little more... our little one is getting up as soon as you close the door. Not after an hour or minute but the second that I leave the room. I have gone back in there many, many times but he gets up RIGHT AWAY. HEEEELLLLLLPPPPP!!!!

[Mom2grls0204]

My 4 year old was doing the same thing.  We would put her to bed and she would play and play and play not going to sleep until 3am.  

My friend suggested putting our daughter in her room 30 minutes before bedtime.  Let her do what she wanted, BUT she had to stay in her room...  THis gives her a chance to wind down.  Then 30 minutes later tuck her in bed, red her a book and turn off the light.  

We did this and it worked, within 10 mintues of turning out the light she was asleep.

We implemented this 2 months ago and haven't had a problem since.

[Charene]

I'm experiencing a similar problem with my son who is 3 1/2. My MIL babysits him and she insists on putting him down for a nap every day. I've managed to get her to limit it to 1 hr but even still I can't get him down to sleep before 9pm.
Perhaps you could speak to your daycare and convince them to make it a quiet time instead of a nap? It sounds like he just isn't tired enough to nap every day to me. It's normal for kids to stop napping starting around the age of 3 and the daycare should recognise that. There is enough evidence in Child Development Journals to prove it.

[Worried Grama]

Help Please!!! My daughter has a 5 year old son and a 2 and1/2 year old daughter who are really out of control at bedtime! I've read all the suggestions and comments and it feels as if her situation is not even close to as simple as those. These children are so aggressive toward her that they literally kick her and the screaming and yelling and back talk and defiance are something you can't believe if you don't see and hear it for yourself. By the way they are the same way with me. They do not act like this when their Father has them. And they go to bed no problem for their Uncle. She has attempted the early bedtime starts, scheduling, reading story after story, a reward chart is presently in effect and it doesn't do anything for the 5 year old, it seems that even what he likes most is'nt important enough to him. For his sister the reward chart is really just to say she has the same as her brother, she's too young for this option, we realize. They will literally tear the room apart if they can't get out the door, and we know that you can't legally lock them in! But I mean if you just hold either one of their doors, just for a minute breather, they will distroy their room.
They seriously act like they are posessed. Any and all suggestions would be so gratefully accepted, we are willing to try anything to save my Daughter's sanity at this point. Thanks for listening. Hope to hear some inspiring feedback soon. Signed Worried Grama

[blondie111]

Please help... i have a 6 year old boy who will not go to bed at night time by himself he wants me to go to bed with him, every time i put him into bed he runs back down the stairs again, so now im leaving him sit in the stairs but he would stay there all night if i don't give in and pretend to lie down with him, it's very hard because i have to wait there till he goes to sleep then i get back up again to do my house work then back to bed, it is so hard.. will this ever stop ?? at the moment it has been going on for a few weeks all along he was fine, he was going to bed by himself well in my bed which was my mistake first day...any suggestions please.......

[laura1977]

you are right about being a mistake about putting him to bed in your bed.  I did that with my 5 year old when she was 2 and that was a BIG mistake.  
Heres what you need to do.  I did this with my girls and they are 2 and 5 and go to sleep every night now without any issues.  Even when my husband works nights they still go to bed.  
You have to make a ruietin for him that happens every single night.  Bath, book, prayers, kisses, good night.
He will fight you for awhile, but everytime he gets out of bed you put him back into bed and dont have any communication with him.  You already said good night, and that is where the communication stops.  When he gets up put him back into bed and walk out.  It may take hours the first few nights, but he will get tired enough that he will stop.  You can't back down though while you are doing this.  He will test you and fight you on this, but you have to stand firm.  
If you want to you can put his sleeping bag on the floor by your bed and everynight move it closer and closer to his room until he is back into his room.  That doesn't always work with some kids though.  
This method that I did is also used on Nanny 911 and Super Nanny.  It does work.

[blondie111]

Laura thanks a million for your advice,i will def try it and hopefully it will work because i am recked at this stage, and with the last 2 weeks i have given in and just lied down with him, he is saying that he is nervous of going to sleep on his own and at the moment i am finding during the evening time that he will not go up stairs to the toilet on his own saying the same thing that his to scared, i ask him of what and he says bad dreams, so now i have cut out most of the television times incase something he is watching on that would be scaring him, i really have tried everything like for example he loves going to his friends house in the afternoon when i finish work and i have stopped that and told him that when he goes to bed on his own then i will allow him see that friend again, what i havent black mailed him with at this stage.......everything.

[laura1977]

My daughter is like that too, she won't go into the bathroom at night unless I go in there to turn the light on first.  Kids have great imaginations.  The bed thing, you might take him to the store to find a cool night light that he can pick out, and also I leave the door cracked at night so they do have some light from the hallway coming in.  
You probably did what I always did and rock your child to sleep when he was little, which I think that is just great because kids need that, it just makes it harder when they get older to go to sleep on their own.  That is why you go in there to put him back to bed because then he knows you are there, but you can't talk to him because then he is getting mommys attention which he wants.  When we did this with my girls, it took about 2 nights to get them to go to bed without issues.  The first two nights each of the girls threw big fits, but your son will get tired sooner or later and give up.  You won't get a lot of sleep at first, but imagine how nice it will be after that when you can put him to bed and then you have free mommy time.  This can be done because my 5 year old when she was little had colic really bad and I don't think I slept through a night till she was 2.
You can always do a chart with little stickers for everynight he goes in there without issues he gets to put a sticker on the chart.

[blondie111]

Thanks i think that is a good idea about the chart, i will print one off today at work and get some stickers after, i do think it will take him a long if not a week or so to get back to his routine of going to bed alone again, as i have read in some of the forums, when other mums are having problems like mine, then begin putting there child to bed real early which i might try for a few nights, because at least then i wont be giving in so quickley and i can fight this for a good few hours, it's hard because when i do put him into bed like you said he just runs straight back out again and im down stairs so he will sit on the stairs for hours, if that was me id give in but no his a fighter, the bed situation why is was in my bed all along that was more comfort for me because it's just the two of living at home, but thats a step ill have to sort through as well.

[laura1977]

What kind of bed does he have?  A big boy bed or one of those toddler beds?  That was the other thing that got my 5 year old to go to sleep by herself, we got her a new bed two years ago, and new comforter and stuff.  Made it look really pretty and she loved it.  
Oh heres another idea, get some of those glow in the dark stars to put on his ceiling so he has something neat to look at in the dark.

[blondie111]

Thanks again, but yes he has a lovely room, i have it all done up in the simpsons and he has a big bed, i also did that i covered all his ceiling in his bedroom with glow in the dark stars about 1 year ago but no luck there,  but his a great boy and treats me very good except for bedtime his graet to help around the house and his not spoiled, i hope this is only a phase for me because its not easy being a single mum, i have a partner who my son adores but were not living together....

[djwray]

If you figure out how to get him to bed please let me know. My 3 year old son is up going strong at  ten eleven at times twelve.

[blondie111]

Oh no it's awful isnt it, i tried again last night but not a hope it was half eleven and in the end i had to give in again and lie down with him for the fact he would be recked this morning for school, tonight im going to play games with him like hide and go seek around the house that way then he will be hiding in loads of different places and the fear of bed might go, also it will make him tired at the same time so finger's crossed....

[blondie111]

Ok over the last few night's my son seem's to be getting worse at bed time, he just won't go to bed on his own, i have tried everything possibe, blackmail, taking toys off him one by one  but nothing works, so last night i change all this, i got my brother to phone my mobile phone about 10pm pretending he was santa cluas and that he wanted to speak with my son, when i handed over the phone to my son his face lite up he was delighted and as soon as he got off the phone he went to bed for me, but the only problem is now he keeps calling me asking me when im coming to bed, but hopefully he will get fed up of that at least i have him in bed that was the most important thing, comparing to before not a hope would he even get into bed for me, so tonight he will get another phone call from santa saying that his a great boy and everything he wants for christmas he will get only if he continues going to bed and being a good boy. It's hard because i don't know weather he really is nervous of going to bed on his own, or is he just playing hard ball with me to see how far i will go, but then again this has been going on for about 2 weeks now....any more suggestions would be great....thanks

[djwray]

I hope it works out for you. My son Loves music. someone suggested I turn on his radio at bedtime.
So that is what I have done for the past couple of nights. He listens and sings the songs, and eventually falls asleep.
We read a story. Turn on the radio,

[blondie111]

That is a great idea, i will try that tonight, thanks a million,

[dreamangl105]

I need help. I am a single mom and I still live with my parents.  My son is almost 4 and he wont go to bed until 12 or even later.  I feel like I am at my wits end and I have tried just about everything from cutting out the sweets after 6 to eliminating naps all together. Even if I turn off all the lights in the house he still doesn't care and he is very active during the day as well.  He knows that he can get away with many things with his grandma and I can't do it anymore.  I'm currently a student and I work part time so I also need to sleep.  Nothing seems to be working he will fight me and then both of us get frustrated.  I dont know what to do so if anyone can help I would love your ideas

[boosty]

with all respect. i swear i dont mean to be rude. specially to blondie ,laura and some others. i want to remind you all that you can start your own post for your own questions because this way, youre taking the space and the attention off the person who is originally asking the question on this post and is seeking answers. thank you and please dont take my comment the wrong way.

[blondie111]

If you have read all the post on this page we are all talking about the same issues that we are having we are not going off the subject what so ever,

[boosty]

please understand that i am not trying to be mean. and i understand its all the same subject, but i thought you guys started your own questions about the same subject and that still needs to be on a different post so not only you get better answers but everyone concentrates on the main persons questions. if i am wrong, then i appologize for my misunderstanding .

[blondie111]

No i do understand what you are saying thanks for mentioning it.

[ArmyWife0507]

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a 3 yr old that fights me every step of the way to sleep. I have tried everything. Her daddy is in Iraq and she just screams when I put her to bed for a nap or anything. She will keep getting up constantly. Tried baby gates they dont work she pushes them over. I will lay her down and she will purposely pee in her diaper just to get up and have an excuse. I am so stressed and need help please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SL345]

How long has this been going on? Besides her sleep, how are you doing in the rest of your life? Are you also stressed to a point of being overwhelmed by your husband being in Iraq?

[Llinet]

My son is 5 1/2 and we are haveing a problem with putting him to bed at night. When we lay him down we have to accually lay with him or eles he won't go to bed. He usually wants his back rubbed and he will go to sleep. But sometimes he can take up to an hr if not longer. When we did try to put him to bed and leave the room he would scream, not cry or whine but scream that he doesn't want to sleep by himself and won't. Another time he just wouldn't sleep he would stay up and try to play in his room but that was in another house we have moved sence and now he doesn't even do that he just screams. He will accationaly say he is scared of the dark but he has a lava lamp that lights up the room, not to much but just enough. Does anyone have any suggestions ????? Please help....

[DAD15]

My 3 year never wants to sleep.  She has a lot of energy and she seems to never get tired or run down.  My Wife and I have tried almost everything and we are getting to a point where we are getting overwhelmed by it all.  We know she needs her sleep and rest, as she has bags under her eyes.  I've read some of the post about other family’s situation but what makes a 3/4 year old understands why it is important for her to get her rest?

[specialmom]

Three and four year olds are tough because they are so willful and yet not able to completely understand what is to their benefit.  I've had issues with this as well.  My oldest son just turned 6 and it was about a year ago that I could say things like----  you need to go to sleep NOW so you can have a good day tomorrow.  

So I'd make those comments to her during the day . . . if she is melting down and crying  ----  say, you are tired.  You didn't go to sleep last night.  We need our sleep.

I swear, after a while that sticks.  Some kids are naturally super energetic----  it sounds like you and your wife work hard to give her outlets for that.  My kids sleep so much better when they've had that physically busy day.  I have one that loves deep pressure too----  it relaxes him.  So we rock and I squeeze him tight.  I even have him lay down and gently press pillows on him (calling it a sandwich).  We keep night time very routine.  

I also talk about how much I need sleep to have a good day.  Keep that dialogue going.  They do grow up----  and our sleep issues we had with my oldest have resolved.  He has a delay of his nervous system . . . so he was particularly tough on that.  But it so much better when they are well rested, isn't it?!!  Good luck

[Angel11207]

HELP!!! My daughter just turned 3 and WILL NOT stay in her room at naptime or bedtime...and she DOES need a nap still. I dont know whats worse...the 2hr battle to get her to take a nap or the rest of the day battle with her because she is so cranky & exhausted from not taking a nap. We put her in a toddler bed when she was 2 and havent had a problem with her staying in her bed until a few months ago. I have tried the supernanny technique where I just continue to walk her back to her room with no communication and she literally gets up 75 or more times within 1 1/2 - 2 hrs. It is physically and mentally exhausting and I dont know what else to do. She has had the same bedtime routine her whole life, I dont know what has caused the change in her behavior. PLEASE HELP!!! Also, she will not stay in time out, she gets up over & over & over. Then she will pee while she is in time out...to get attention I'm guessing. I am out of ideas and out of energy. Any suggestions???

[sweetme22]

i have a 2 year old son he refuses to sleep no matter what you do.. if i keep putting him in his room he will still cry for hours if i would let him. me and my boyfriend just broke up he used to play the guitar for him in order for him to sleep... i have tried playing music for him in bed.. i have tried everything nothing works.. it's been 4 days and i'm running out of energy lol... what do i do somebody please give me advice. i have tried warm milk as well plus he is a very hyper and temper mentle :) HELP!!

[cle1178]

Firstly in my experience, children thrive when given clear boundaries. They like the feeling of security when they know what they can and can not do. In saying that they will regularly test those boundaries to see if they have change. What ever you decide to do, you must do it consistently and with firmness. You are the parent, you are thinking of your child's long term health and benefit!
Bedtime routine is important. half an hour before you wnat lights out, tell child it is time for bed (make it a directive not a question), get their pj's on, teeth cleaned, nappy changed/toilet visited. Read a book on the couch, not on their bed, this means when you finish the book you can say tike for bed and walk with child to their room. Kiss/cuddle, pray, what ever works for you, lights out. One way to teach a child to go/stay in their bed is this:
1st night you sit on the foot of the  bed, no talking. If child sits up etc, you say 'lie down' firmly. The novelty will mean it may be hectic for bit. You sit there til child is asleep.
2nd night you repeat the above but sitting on the floor next to the bed.
Each night move closer to the door as you repeat the process.
You may even have to sit outside the door for a night or two..
This takes time but has a long term benefit.
Some thing to be aware of is that many children have mild sleep disorders... My son was three when my brother became a quad, because I was at the hospital every night for three weeks, he got completely out of routine. My paediatrician prescribed Melatonin (available at the healthfood store) - it is actually a hormone our brain produces that regulates your sleep patterns. My son took half a tablet every night an hour before bed. Within two weeks, he was going to bed as normal and asleep within 10mins.
Maybe a combo of the routine and melatonin might help you??

[fernessmonster]

I'm having the same problem with my almost three year old daughter. It takes about two hours to get her to sleep. She gets out of bed immediatly. We already have a routine, I read her a book, and sing to her.she gets up almost instantly. She will growl at me, yell at me, and then scream she wants mommy. My eight year old son shares a room with her and I have to tell him to sleep in my bed. I am usually doing this all alone and get frustrated. I'm about to bring the crib back even though she can climb out of it. I'm at a loss of what to do. She also listens to NOTHING I say during the day. No matter what I do. I'm very overwhelmed.

[fernessmonster]

I'm having the same problem with my almost three year old daughter. It takes about two hours to get her to sleep. She gets out of bed immediatly. We already have a routine, I read her a book, and sing to her.she gets up almost instantly. She will growl at me, yell at me, and then scream she wants mommy. My eight year old son shares a room with her and I have to tell him to sleep in my bed. I am usually doing this all alone and get frustrated. I'm about to bring the crib back even though she can climb out of it. I'm at a loss of what to do. She also listens to NOTHING I say during the day. No matter what I do. I'm very overwhelmed.

[fernessmonster]

I'm having the same problem with my almost three year old daughter. It takes about two hours to get her to sleep. She gets out of bed immediatly. We already have a routine, I read her a book, and sing to her.she gets up almost instantly. She will growl at me, yell at me, and then scream she wants mommy. My eight year old son shares a room with her and I have to tell him to sleep in my bed. I am usually doing this all alone and get frustrated. I'm about to bring the crib back even though she can climb out of it. I'm at a loss of what to do. She also listens to NOTHING I say during the day. No matter what I do. I'm very overwhelmed.

[trinicakes]

If your daughter is goofing around when you let her in your bed it's obvious that she isn't getting enough one-on-one time with you.  My daughter does this every once in awhile and once I spend some good, long quality time with her she lets up a bit.  I know usually any advice helps so that is mine and I hope it helps or at least gives you a start.

[crazybaby8978]

okay my 2 year old is stayin up all night long.....not till like 3 or 4, i mean he is still up in the morning.....we tried to put him to bed after i got off work at 10 and he is still up now and it is 1:40 in the afternoon the next day and he is running around with all this energy!!!!!!  u can see it in his eyes that he is extremely tired, he has circles under them....he just will not sleep and he isnt really able to tell us why yet bc he just turned 2 and u can sorta understand him.............................any ideas!!!!!!

[montey26]

I have a solution to the problem.  I have a wonderful 3yr old boy that just recently refuses to stay in his toddler bed.  He was going to bed at 8pm on the button every night with his bedroom door shut until one day he wasnt having it.  He wanted the bedroom door now open and just wouldnnt stay in bed.  Ended up at our bedside for hours.  So we did the supernanny thing and  walked him back to his bed for 100+ times over 3 hrs.  We tried that for nearly 1 week and it clearly wasnt working.  Our son is so stubborn and being more stubborn than him is taking us to the brink of insanity.  We also tried all sorts of bribing and nothing remotely was working.  

After reading hundreds of posts Ive decided to put a child gate up at his door and anchord his dresser to the wall for safety.  Now we have 3 stage approach to getting him quiet and sleeping within 30minutes.  

Step 1 - tuck in  and leave the room with the bedroom door open, night light on, the gate locked, and the hallway light on.  Make sure he knows that if he leaves this bed he will then get the bedroom door locked.  The ball is now in his court.  

Step 2 - If he gets up and is disrubtive at the gate (keeping my other children up) then I lock the actual bedroom door so he cant open it.  (Lots of ways to do this.  Buy a plastic cover on the inside so he cant open it, reverse the lock, or we actually have a lock on the outside of the door in the hallway.  My son really doesnt like that door shut.  He gets very upset about it, not scared, but just wants that door open.  

Step 3 - We keep it locked for up to 10 minutes and then open it up, calm him down which takes about 1 minute, and are left with an open bedroom door, gate locked, and a child that is ready and willing to go to bed.  And the next night he remembers the consequences of getting up out of bed.  Its tough love but absolutely nothing else is working and we need him down so the rest of our kids can get a good night sleep.  

If you only have one kid and dont mind your child at the gate for a while, you can always just use the gate and leave the bedroom door open.  Hope this helps.  Thoughts?

[LoriVB]

You should read her the children's book, I Sleep In My Own Bed (www.isleepinmyownbed.com).
My daughter's biggest problem was sleeping alone: always crawling into our bed or calling from her room to have one of us stay with her in the middle of the night.  However I Sleep In My Own Bed's cute illustrations and text taught her that her room is just for her so anyone else in her room or any other room doesn't work.  The book also taught her that all her belongings are in her room with her so there is no reason to be scared. She really loves the book and wants it read to her every night.  And most importantly she sleeps in her own room by herself.
I highly recommend it!

[tiredmom849]

Hi!

My son is 3 1/2 years old.  He has never liked bed time and as soon as I put him in bed he starts rocking and humming.  Since he started sitting up as a baby he started doing this ritual.  Is this normal?

He would do it for a while and then just fall a sleep.  Also he wakes up very early in the mornings and roam the house.  Is this normal?  He never listens to me and when I try to make him listen he laughts at me or thing I am funny.  I have tried every possible methord to make him listen and he things I am a big joke.  Is this normal?  

PLEASE HELP! What do I do?

[ald841]

oh my goodness this post is very old... hahahaha cant help but giggle....

[margypops]

why are you laughing and giggling ?