34 year old step son is rude

[deejer711]

My step son introduces me as "fake Mom".  His Dad just says that is his son's way of being funny.  I have expressed that it hurts me, is rude and so not appropriate.  The last time he was over, he announced he is getting married and having a baby.  I was excited and said, oh, awesome, what can I have the baby call me.  He replied, "fake something".  His Mother is very big into being a Grandmother, which is great; but, I would love his Dad to have a super relationship with the grandbaby too and in order to do this thought I could play a part.  Now, my husband is in the middle of me trying to have David treat me respectful and his care for his son.  I want to do whatever will be the best for all.  Need advise.

[RockRose]

deejer,  is there more to this story?  Is there a history that makes him very resentful of you - or in general is he just kind of a jerk?  

If in general he's just kind of a jerk,  I'd just kind of back away.  Be in the kitchen doing dishes when he's visiting.

Also, knowing that he calls you "fake mom" and won't stop it,  I wonder why your first response to being told he was going to be a dad was to ask what the baby will be calling you.

[specialmom]

Okay, I would not make it into a big deal.  It is disrespectful and he is obviously an immature 34 year old and hopefully will grow up a bit when he marries and has a child.  I would just keep a smile on your face and be ready to love that baby.  If your husband starts to be mad at his son about this---------  a rift will start.  Then everyone loses.  Why don't you say sometime to him that you care for him very much and that isn't fake---------  maybe he can just call you by your first name (rather than step mom anyway) and introduce you as his father's wife.  You handle it in a kind and loving way (no hurt feelings or chip on your shoulder) and try not to take it too seriously.  On the off chance he resents you, this is done to bug you and it is working.  Leave dad out of it and tell him you care for him and see where that gets you.  good luck

[mammo]

Your husband needs to address this with his son, as it is uncalled for, nor is it funny.  I think in order for your husband to be an involved grandfather, you need to feel like you can play a role in this as well.  I would tell your husband to PLEASE address what his son calls you, because not only does it hurt you, he will be setting a very poor example for the child.  If your husband refuses, tell him that the next time his son calls you this, YOU are going to tell him.  I know you want to keep peace and not be caught in the middle, but your husband has to respect your feelings, and he's not!  Your husband should be very thankful to have someone like you who wants everyone to be happy.  He needs to set an example to his son in telling him not to disrespect you like this, because it also hurts him, which it should.  Take care...

[Niquea3]

How long have you two been married? A lot of times no matter how old the step child is if the split between their parents was painful its hard for them to open up and allow the ''new'' husband/wife to be a real part of their life. I've had a few step moms since my mom and dad divorced and it was hard for me to relate and open up to them although I wasn't rude about it. Even though he may be known as the jokester in the family that's his way of not dealing with what needs to be dealt with between you two. Since he is 34 I would in a adult manner ask him if he would mind having a one-on-one conversation with you to clear the air about whatever it is that's making him shut you out and be disrespectful to not only his Stepmom but his father as well. Being rude to you is being rude to his father and he needs you to look him in the eyes and in a very serious tone tell him how much your uncomfortable with the 'fake mom' business and if it doesn't stop he will soon be getting in the way of his fathers happiness with you because to put it frankly thats whats coming next if it already hasn't.
I wish you well and you've gotta be the adult and bring him to your level. He's not a child so whatever you need to say should be said. ;))