4 1/2 year old pooping in pants

[StepMomma204]

I have a step son that is four and a half years old. His older brother will be six in july. We never had an issue with his older brother. Their parents got a divorce almost three years ago.  I am the only woman that has been in their lives other than their mom. Their mom has had them around SEVERAL different men. Recently, they moved in with her most recent boyfriend of 6 months, decided that wasn't a good move, moved back in with her parents (Mimi and Papa), now they are getting an apartment with the same guy this weekend.  The three moves have all happened within a month.  I'm not sure if he has an issue, when I ask him he is fine with me being their step mom and with mommy's new boyfriend, but I don't understand why he is doing this still.  An issue we have ran into also is that his parents have agreed to spank him (which I just learned is not good) when he does this and take away his dirt bike and video games.  However only his dad is going through with this so he is scared of his dad now.  If he has an accident he will not want to talk to his dad or come to our house.  He gets in trouble and has things taken away at our house, mommys, and babysitters.  He also has to wear a pull up because he is acting like a "baby" and will get new big boy underwear when he learns to be a big boy and poops in the potty is what we tell him.  We have rewarded him when he doesn't poop in his pants with things even such as a helmet. But the issue I have with rewarding him is that the older child is not getting rewarded and he is doing it right all the time.  So it seems to be unfair to the older one. I need some advice!!!!!!!

[StepMomma204]

Thank you so much... we are going to start a reward system tomorrow actually :)...My four year old when he has no accidents and my five year old when he has a good attitude :)... thank you so much for your help and if you have more to say, let it out!! lol Thanks again

[deesklan3]

Hi i am sort of the same situation with the whole stepmom thing. I have a stepdaughter that is 5 she has also been shift around alot. I don't know what your situation is but my baby (stepdaughter) has never lived with mom always with dad.  So like with you i think its the whole mommy has this man and that man and with dad its stability. Ok see with my daughter her dad was in a really bad relationship with another women not mom and she was really ugly to my step daughter so that had hurt her alot. your son is probbaly dealing with that as well. But on the advice you wanted i would reaward him myself  you see i also have 3 children froma previous marriage and my other children dont have this problem...... OK, OK let me stop myself yes i do but not pooping on himself but peeing in the bed when he is asleep. But on your son that is not pooping i think you should reward him. DANg i have so much i could write a book....... let me know what you think ???? good Luck !!